"I don't know what to make of life these days". I think I just wrote that a few days ago in my previous blog. Somehow, as believers, I think learning to live with unanswered questions drives us closer to the Father's side.
Even in the past few days, more and more difficult news. I have new friends that are in a very dark storm, completely un-chartered waters. Dan and I just found out that one of our dear older friends (who we heard wasn't feeling well...) now has hospice helping to care for him. He and his dear wife have ministered to us time and time again in the past 14 years. Little Sophia has to go back in tomorrow morning for yet another blood draw, and this time, if the results aren't encouraging, they will be scheduling her bone marrow draw. Ginger sent me an e-mail with the update just before we were to go visit them and take dinner over. I couldn't keep the tears from falling on my drive over. If anyone happens to be reading this - please pray for these dear families. They all know and love God. They are committed to serving Him and are all such a testimony of God's grace right now. They need to know that we love and support them.
For some reason, when I feel especially low, I find strength in the Hymns of the Faith. These believers also faced difficult times, suffering, even death. The words penned from their hearts, (with tear stained cheeks, I am sure) span the years between us and serve as a testimony to who God is. He IS our "Mighty Fortress" (Martin Luther) and faithfully "He Giveth More Grace"(Annie Flint). Who can deny "Oh the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus" (Samuel Francis) or the peace that we receive in grief while still proclaiming "It Is Well With My Soul" (Horatio Spafford)? We look to Him for our future in "Be Thou My Vision" (Ancient Irish Hymn) and praise Him from the tops of our voices that He has loved us - "Just As I Am" (Charlotte Elliott). Someday, oh how grand it will be! We will all cry in worship "All Hail The Power of Jesus Name!"(E. Perroner).
But for now, we are here. Confined to human bodies, limitations - sometimes sufferings and trials. In the past year, as I have struggled to make "sense" of some things, it has helped me to recall who God reallly is. Do I believe it? Do I believe that He is all powerful, all loving, all righteous and unable to make a mistake? Do I honestly believe that He governs justly and has the believers best interests at heart? Do I believe these things in the core of my being?
As I have come to some terms in this, life has made alittle more "sense". When events happen that seem out of control, it helps me to remember that GOD IS IN CONTROL. When tragedy strikes and pain grips a believers soul, it helps me to remember that GOD IS OUR REFUGE, A VERY PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE. Trusting that He is who He said He is, helps me to sleep and be at peace when I cannot understand events that unfold around me. If you want an exercise in faith building, sing the words to the hymn "Immortal, Invisible". In that short hymn alone, you will find a rich treasure of adjectives that describe our Heavenly Father. Just to name a few ..."most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days...almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise."
Nothing in all the world comforts and surrounds us like God's Word in times of trial. But after soaking in His Word, I find a quiet rest in these songs. I wish I could just write the verses of so many hymns tonight - just for the hope that anyone reading this may draw strength from the writers words. But I'll close with two of my favorites:
"Be Still, My Soul" by Katharina von Schlegal
"Be still, my soul! the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God, to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul! thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end."
"Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee" by Henry Van Dyke
"Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love;
Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness, Drive the dark of doubt away,
Giver of immortal gladness, Fill us with the light of day."
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Looking back, Moving forward.
One of those rare events has just occurred....I'm sitting in a quiet house.
Yesterday, Seth and Micah (plus Dan Willis) set out for Vail, Colorado. As Micah's facebook status said: "I'm off for a grand adventure in Vail, Colorado!". No doubt it will be. The boys all lined up jobs at a ski resort out there for 6 months. I am going to miss them terribly. Even though I was at times frustrated at the mess the basement was in (I jokingly told people that I had "raccoons" living in my basement...and they would say, "REALLY?"). Nope. Just the boys - growing Lord knows what down there in that bathroom.
Moke is off to a friends for a sleepover, Danielle is out to a movie, and Michaela and Dan are watching "Star Wars" - so it's just me and Melee hanging out in the Living Room.
I don't know what to make of life these days. There have been some great tragedies recently:
*Jason Mansfield, age 22, went home to be with the Lord suddenly in a car accident. He was a friend of the boys, and had been over here a couple times. He left behind a shocked family and a broken hearted fiance'. His funeral was packed with people, and was one of the most sorrowful, yet hopeful things I have ever attended.
*Ginger's baby, Sophia, has been in the hospital. They are awaiting her blood count results to see if she may have leukemia. We are all believing that the Lord is going to heal her little body. Ginger and Adam's baby Faith, suddenly went home to be with the Lord at 6 weeks of age, about a year and a half ago.
Other really sad things, almost too many to list. Some are very private matters. Yet in each and every sadness, I see God's grace so evident in the lives of those that are in the middle of it.
Challenging things: Our married kids have had a few: You know, like a buying a new, used car (only to find that it immediately needs repairs), having to have "procedures" done on your body that are painful, working 70 hours in one week, only to have no sales or money for it, having an acquaintance at work die (due to his suicide, after killing his 7 year old daughter.) That event really was in the tragic catagory.
Our Co-Op had to close down suddenly until next year. My friends on the committee have been working for hours trying to bring a resolution to the situation. It's a tough one.
Good things too:
*All the boys jobs are going well. They are adapting, working hard and making ends meet. I pray for the day that Jen and Amy can cut back on their hours at their present joband begin doing the work they both prefer. Jen - Photography and Amy - Cosmotology.
*Dan was able to update his company car! He loves it. We drove to Cleveland for this black, two year old, six-speed beauty. I haven't driven it yet, but I will. It makes me so happy to see him take the kids for rides in it! I told him that I thought he deserved some "happiness".
*Church is going well - as well as our Bible Study in the Psalms. I've hit a bit of a "dry" time spiritually - so these things have really kept me going. I'm thankful the way the Lord always finds me, just where I am. Others have been so kind to us at Logos - I'm grateful for them.
Being 47 is cool. I do love looking back, as well as ahead. (I figure I'm somewhere past the middle now - which is interesting). I do look forward to seeing Jesus, more all the time. I also can appreciate looking back, and seeing all the God has accomplished in and through our lives.
While I have this quiet house, I'm going to go spend a little "quiet" time with Him.
Yesterday, Seth and Micah (plus Dan Willis) set out for Vail, Colorado. As Micah's facebook status said: "I'm off for a grand adventure in Vail, Colorado!". No doubt it will be. The boys all lined up jobs at a ski resort out there for 6 months. I am going to miss them terribly. Even though I was at times frustrated at the mess the basement was in (I jokingly told people that I had "raccoons" living in my basement...and they would say, "REALLY?"). Nope. Just the boys - growing Lord knows what down there in that bathroom.
Moke is off to a friends for a sleepover, Danielle is out to a movie, and Michaela and Dan are watching "Star Wars" - so it's just me and Melee hanging out in the Living Room.
I don't know what to make of life these days. There have been some great tragedies recently:
*Jason Mansfield, age 22, went home to be with the Lord suddenly in a car accident. He was a friend of the boys, and had been over here a couple times. He left behind a shocked family and a broken hearted fiance'. His funeral was packed with people, and was one of the most sorrowful, yet hopeful things I have ever attended.
*Ginger's baby, Sophia, has been in the hospital. They are awaiting her blood count results to see if she may have leukemia. We are all believing that the Lord is going to heal her little body. Ginger and Adam's baby Faith, suddenly went home to be with the Lord at 6 weeks of age, about a year and a half ago.
Other really sad things, almost too many to list. Some are very private matters. Yet in each and every sadness, I see God's grace so evident in the lives of those that are in the middle of it.
Challenging things: Our married kids have had a few: You know, like a buying a new, used car (only to find that it immediately needs repairs), having to have "procedures" done on your body that are painful, working 70 hours in one week, only to have no sales or money for it, having an acquaintance at work die (due to his suicide, after killing his 7 year old daughter.) That event really was in the tragic catagory.
Our Co-Op had to close down suddenly until next year. My friends on the committee have been working for hours trying to bring a resolution to the situation. It's a tough one.
Good things too:
*All the boys jobs are going well. They are adapting, working hard and making ends meet. I pray for the day that Jen and Amy can cut back on their hours at their present joband begin doing the work they both prefer. Jen - Photography and Amy - Cosmotology.
*Dan was able to update his company car! He loves it. We drove to Cleveland for this black, two year old, six-speed beauty. I haven't driven it yet, but I will. It makes me so happy to see him take the kids for rides in it! I told him that I thought he deserved some "happiness".
*Church is going well - as well as our Bible Study in the Psalms. I've hit a bit of a "dry" time spiritually - so these things have really kept me going. I'm thankful the way the Lord always finds me, just where I am. Others have been so kind to us at Logos - I'm grateful for them.
Being 47 is cool. I do love looking back, as well as ahead. (I figure I'm somewhere past the middle now - which is interesting). I do look forward to seeing Jesus, more all the time. I also can appreciate looking back, and seeing all the God has accomplished in and through our lives.
While I have this quiet house, I'm going to go spend a little "quiet" time with Him.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Taken for Granted
The October winds have started to blow stripping some of our trees of their golden colors. I know that Winter is around the corner, but for now I am relishing the scents, feel and sight of Fall.
Years ago I wrote our family Christmas letter with a "season" theme. We experience each season in our own lives, even though they come at unexpected times, as opposed to the predictable seasons listed on our calendars hanging on our walls. Some Seasons are beautiful, much like Spring. There may be days or months full of hope, new growth and anticipation for the warmer times ahead. Yet we all must endure those cold, dark and long times that I associate with Winter. The death of a friend or family member, the trial of a relationship gone bad or watching helplessly as a child turns their back on God. Just like the ice that forms and the howling, cold winds that accompany it - it sometimes feels like it will never end. Summer is full of fresh produce, blooming flowers and herbs. We swim and play alot, getting up late and going to bed way past our normal bedtimes. The kids love to lay out on the trampoline and gaze at the stars, sometimes even staying most of the night out there. We can usually slip away for a short vacation on Dad's Lake, enjoying my parents and our friends up North. We begin to turn our attention toward the upcoming school year - planning ahead and feeling ever so hopeful that this year we may actually "get it done!" (My friends and I laugh that the home schooling motto should be: "Well...there's always NEXT year!")
Everyone has their favorite season of course, and mine happens to be Fall. It is almost like it happens overnight. Dan and I will comment on the sky looking like an "Autumn sky". Thanksgiving is just around the corner and it is, in my opinion! the best holiday. The temperatures are cooler in the morning and I find myself making more coffee and tea. The evenings close in quicker, lending themselves to more reading or watching movies. I enjoy going on walks and bike rides so we can enjoy the changing color of the leaves plus enjoy the cooler breeze. (and I've missed that greatly with this stupid sprained ankle of mine.) A couple times a week now there will be the smell of simmering soup and sometimes sour-dough bread. I have a few new recipes to add to our old favorites: Spicey Chicken Tortilla (thanks to Dennis Goodwin!) and Corn Chowder have joined the list of our "favorites" - Mixed Bean, Cream of Broccoli and Vegetable. We begin to get ready for the cold months ahead, trying to finish projects that we began in the spring and summer. For me, I enjoy this time of looking back and yet anticipating what is ahead.
I'm very much in a "Fall" mood today. I look around me and appreciate so much:
*The consistent checks from Dan's company that have enabled us to stay current on our bills.
*I am observing some "harvest" of sorts in the lives of our kids: (some of their "gifts" are emerging plus the "seed" we planted in them is helping some of them mature spiritually...I cling to the promise where God says "His Word shall not return void")
*My buddy and I are appreciating more of the simple things in life: A movie, dinner and walk together; a portrait of our family taken on the bridge he built; an evening of popcorn and a taped episode of "Planet Earth" together...
*Especially recently, I have appreciated the dedicated service of our men and women in the armed forces. (I should take the time to write them all an "open" letter. I know they are not forgotten, but they are often not thanked.) I look around at some of the destitute situations in other countries and I am humbled at the freedom we have here.
I'm looking back and yet anticipating what lies ahead.
Even appreciating these few things, I've decided that I take WAY too many things for granted. I expect that Dan will always be here and that we will continue to enjoy each other and our relatively good health. I expect that our home will continue to withstand the storms around here and not be damaged. That burst of wind left over from the Hurricane on Sept. 14th showed me how quickly things can be damaged or even ruined. I expect that I will continue to have my kids around us and that we will have great relationships among ourselves. I expect that our church family will continue to thrive and do well. I expect that our new President will work tirelessly to protect our borders and keep us safe. I expect that life, as I know it now, will continue.
That may not be the case. The only consistent thing that I have come to know about is Jesus Christ. He is the same "yesterday, today and forever." I'm glad that He doesn't change like the Seasons. I pray that we can all learn t0 not take HIM for granted, but that we will be ever mindful of His mercies that are "new, every morning". It doesn't matter what season of life we are going through: Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter. He is there with us He meets us each and every morning! I look forward to His coming...more so it seems each passing day. Even so come, Lord Jesus.
Years ago I wrote our family Christmas letter with a "season" theme. We experience each season in our own lives, even though they come at unexpected times, as opposed to the predictable seasons listed on our calendars hanging on our walls. Some Seasons are beautiful, much like Spring. There may be days or months full of hope, new growth and anticipation for the warmer times ahead. Yet we all must endure those cold, dark and long times that I associate with Winter. The death of a friend or family member, the trial of a relationship gone bad or watching helplessly as a child turns their back on God. Just like the ice that forms and the howling, cold winds that accompany it - it sometimes feels like it will never end. Summer is full of fresh produce, blooming flowers and herbs. We swim and play alot, getting up late and going to bed way past our normal bedtimes. The kids love to lay out on the trampoline and gaze at the stars, sometimes even staying most of the night out there. We can usually slip away for a short vacation on Dad's Lake, enjoying my parents and our friends up North. We begin to turn our attention toward the upcoming school year - planning ahead and feeling ever so hopeful that this year we may actually "get it done!" (My friends and I laugh that the home schooling motto should be: "Well...there's always NEXT year!")
Everyone has their favorite season of course, and mine happens to be Fall. It is almost like it happens overnight. Dan and I will comment on the sky looking like an "Autumn sky". Thanksgiving is just around the corner and it is, in my opinion! the best holiday. The temperatures are cooler in the morning and I find myself making more coffee and tea. The evenings close in quicker, lending themselves to more reading or watching movies. I enjoy going on walks and bike rides so we can enjoy the changing color of the leaves plus enjoy the cooler breeze. (and I've missed that greatly with this stupid sprained ankle of mine.) A couple times a week now there will be the smell of simmering soup and sometimes sour-dough bread. I have a few new recipes to add to our old favorites: Spicey Chicken Tortilla (thanks to Dennis Goodwin!) and Corn Chowder have joined the list of our "favorites" - Mixed Bean, Cream of Broccoli and Vegetable. We begin to get ready for the cold months ahead, trying to finish projects that we began in the spring and summer. For me, I enjoy this time of looking back and yet anticipating what is ahead.
I'm very much in a "Fall" mood today. I look around me and appreciate so much:
*The consistent checks from Dan's company that have enabled us to stay current on our bills.
*I am observing some "harvest" of sorts in the lives of our kids: (some of their "gifts" are emerging plus the "seed" we planted in them is helping some of them mature spiritually...I cling to the promise where God says "His Word shall not return void")
*My buddy and I are appreciating more of the simple things in life: A movie, dinner and walk together; a portrait of our family taken on the bridge he built; an evening of popcorn and a taped episode of "Planet Earth" together...
*Especially recently, I have appreciated the dedicated service of our men and women in the armed forces. (I should take the time to write them all an "open" letter. I know they are not forgotten, but they are often not thanked.) I look around at some of the destitute situations in other countries and I am humbled at the freedom we have here.
I'm looking back and yet anticipating what lies ahead.
Even appreciating these few things, I've decided that I take WAY too many things for granted. I expect that Dan will always be here and that we will continue to enjoy each other and our relatively good health. I expect that our home will continue to withstand the storms around here and not be damaged. That burst of wind left over from the Hurricane on Sept. 14th showed me how quickly things can be damaged or even ruined. I expect that I will continue to have my kids around us and that we will have great relationships among ourselves. I expect that our church family will continue to thrive and do well. I expect that our new President will work tirelessly to protect our borders and keep us safe. I expect that life, as I know it now, will continue.
That may not be the case. The only consistent thing that I have come to know about is Jesus Christ. He is the same "yesterday, today and forever." I'm glad that He doesn't change like the Seasons. I pray that we can all learn t0 not take HIM for granted, but that we will be ever mindful of His mercies that are "new, every morning". It doesn't matter what season of life we are going through: Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter. He is there with us He meets us each and every morning! I look forward to His coming...more so it seems each passing day. Even so come, Lord Jesus.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
"Life is a Chair of Bowlies"
Last night I had the opportunity to laugh so hard that my side hurt. literally! We were celebrating one of my girlfriends birthdays. (she introduced me to the artist that came up with the caption above - plus so many other funny ones.) Four of us women went out to dinner and what a time it was. We all come from different churches, are different ages, have very different circumstances, joys and trials. We have one Savior in common. In between the gut busting laughter, we all testified in our own ways how God has met us this year and given us all that we have needed.
It has been months since I have been back here to write. I hardly know where the past four months have gone. We've been trying to adapt to our new situation. I'll try to think back and write a very quick summary:
*Dan's two projects are going great! One is actually a little ahead of schedule. He has worked many long and hard hours on these jobs. His travels are also going well and he has actually been home working in his office more than traveling. We bought two honda Odyssey's at one time! One is for his company and he and I drove it down together. His engineer is doing an amazingly great job in his responsibilities with the projects - we're so grateful. He also has a part time secretary that is helping out a great deal.
*Dan's company received his first check on June 27th! We photocopied it. We showed it to the kids. We hugged and we thanked God for this miracle. The projects will provide work for Dan for two years. At this point we cannot pay back our huge debt, but we CAN pay for our monthly bills! It is so exciting to us. Bit by bit we are digging our way out of the pit we've been in. We've even been able support some missions again, enjoy some dinners out and start Michaela in her braces! For Christmas this year, our family is going on our very first snow vacation for 2 days!
Also noteworthy on that day:
*We celebrated our holiday anniversary: Married 27 years on June 27th! My buddy continues to be my best friend, my tireless encourager and the object of my affections.
*Our kids celebrated their anniversaries: Caleb and Amy (one year in May) and Funnel and Jen will celebrate their second one this week. We love having married kids! Such fun.
*Our three middle boys moved home for the summer. Zac found a new apartment in Sept., and Seth and Micah will leave for a few weeks for Vail, Colorado. They have secured a 6 mo. job at a beautiful ski resort. They have been guaranteed 40 hrs. work per week, plus meals and free snowboarding. A dream come true for them! (In their own words..they will be "joking with and pushing little rich kids down the tubing hill.") I'm really going to miss them. Even though I do tease about having a pair of "raccoons" living in our basement.
*All the kids are healthy, and the older ones have jobs. Something to be VERY grateful for.
Let's see, in numbers I've also experienced the following:
7 nights with my buddy in the Riviera in Mexico!
6 different job changes (with 5 of our kids...)
5 rooms in our house cleaned (well...sort of - we're still working on de-cluttering)
4 months of paying our monthly bills, on time!
3 kids now left to home school - (I'm working on it) Danielle will graduate on May 23, 2009!
2 months now of reduced days of work for me. (I'm down to one Sunday per month now)
AND
1 new job for me!(I'm working very part time for Dan. I hope I don't get fired...I'm WAY behind on some things. I can honestly, yet jokingly say that I am sleeping with my boss. : )
It is a wonderful, different, optomistic time for us. .. yet we still remain tired on many fronts and are still trying to "catch up" on all the things left undone for the past six years. We are slowly getting a "grip", I think. Dan surprised me with the trip to Mexico in Sept. It was a rare time for us to just lay on the beach, take long walks and do almost nothing. We arrived home on Sat., Sept. 13th. On Sunday, Dan flew out to Florida, the remains of Hurricane Ike blew threw central Ohio and we lost a lot of trees, plus our electricity for two days. On Wed., Yell and I were out for a walk on the bike path strew with the storm debris, and I slipped on a walnut, fell flat on my back and promptly sprained my weak ankle. (This is sprain No. 7, in addition to the fractured foot and tibia from years ago). I believe in the conspiracy theory...I think the squirrels put that walnut there purely for their entertainment of watching me fall. Basically, every bit of relaxation we experienced on that beach in Mexico flew right out the window when we returned! We still laugh about it though. We have so many great memories to reflect back on.
I'm still in some pain from my back and ankle, but can't complain. It is healing slowly. I'm discouraged because I had just started losing a few pounds and I remain in a state of lacking self control. I need to figure out some new exercise options for myself as well as quit consoling myself with all sorts of chocolate. I'm learning to operate withing the "new normal". Life never seems to stay the same for any length of time...which is good I suppose.
My check book hasn't been the same - which is GREAT! The first morning we had sufficient money in our account to pay our monthly bills, I was beyond excited. I got up extra early, brewed my favorite coffee, put in my favorite CD, and had a GRAND time paying those bills! I still look forward to it every month now. Yet I know, that we can always go back to where we were. We learned so much about God's provision and how He can use our dear friends and family - even strangers! to show us that He has not abandoned us.
Just a few weeks ago, Dan came home with what he called another "Aldi Moment". Do any of you shop at Aldi's? I relied heavily on it to make our monthly food budget for years. I actually still do, but now I can afford Trader Joe's and some other great food spots inbetween my Aldi runs. Recently as Dan was going through the check-out there, he felt heavily convicted to help someone out. Not really knowing what to do...he started toward the car, and then returned. Because no one was around, he asked the cashier if she knew of anyone that could really use an Aldi gift card at this time. At first, she said that she didn't trust herself to send the funds in the right direction. But as she thought about it, she changed her mind and said that she actually did know two families in great need. Dan went ahead and purchased the gift cards and started out the door. She called to him...."Can I give you a hug?" By now a few people had formed a line to check out, and Dan was sure they were thinking..."WHAT on earth?" But it was a great encouragement to Dan. Such a SMALL gesture, but one that we both knew personally, from experience, could mean the world to someone that needed items they could not afford to buy.
I remember lining my items up at Aldi in order of need: and often I had to put the items at the back aside. I know what it is like to spend a great deal of time evaluating whether to buy this, or that. Can we do without it this week? It wasn't that long ago. This spring I had looked forward to having some friends of ours over for dinner. For several nights, I planned inexpensive meals (eggs, beans and rice, etc.) so I could "save" our meat for the week and prepare a great meal for our guests. (as I remember, it was really enjoyable too! The fellowship was sweet, and we all enjoyed the grilled chicken taco's with plenty of salsa and chips to go around.)
These memories are really sweet to me because I have learned to identify with those that are going through hard times. Sometimes when we drive up next to a smoking, old, noisy car - we say they are "kindred spirits". We know many "kindred spirits" - those with beat up cars, lack of funds and dire situations. As my wise friend once said: "I have learned to pray: Lord- please don't waste these trials. May they serve to benefit me and someone else in my path."
Our Bible study these past two weeks have been focusing on God' s "surrounding us" (we're going through Beth Moore's study: "The Psalms of Ascent"). Oh my, I can't even write what these passages have meant to me. Psalm 120 - 134 chronicle David's intimate walk with God. They resound with emotion, truth and God's ever failing love. As Beth writes:
"There is no literature in all the world that is more true to life and more honest than the Psalms, for here we have warts-and-all religion. Every skeptical thought, every disappointing venture, every pain, every despair that we can face is lived through and integrated into a personal, saving relationship with God - a relationship that also has in it acts of praise, blessing, peace, security, trust and love." p. 5 - introduction. Amen Beth.
On a personal note: I am spending more time praying for my kids these days. I am praying that they all truly make Jesus the Lord of their lives. I know that it is HIM doing the work in their lives and I struggle at times to get out of the way and let Him work. I am thankful for each area of growth that I see in any of their lives. I am asking the Lord to draw the ones that especially need Him back to Him, whatever it takes. If you ever think of us, that is our most urgent prayer for now. Thanks for all your prayers for Dan's job! God showed up in a big way for us!!!!
So many of us feel that the future is uncertain. (It has been a long, political election season, hasn't it? I'm greatly looking forward to having Nov. 4 behind us! ) We are still in great need of God. A pay check is a poor substitute for utter dependence on Him for our every need. It has been a long, painful, utterly wonderful seven years.
It has been months since I have been back here to write. I hardly know where the past four months have gone. We've been trying to adapt to our new situation. I'll try to think back and write a very quick summary:
*Dan's two projects are going great! One is actually a little ahead of schedule. He has worked many long and hard hours on these jobs. His travels are also going well and he has actually been home working in his office more than traveling. We bought two honda Odyssey's at one time! One is for his company and he and I drove it down together. His engineer is doing an amazingly great job in his responsibilities with the projects - we're so grateful. He also has a part time secretary that is helping out a great deal.
*Dan's company received his first check on June 27th! We photocopied it. We showed it to the kids. We hugged and we thanked God for this miracle. The projects will provide work for Dan for two years. At this point we cannot pay back our huge debt, but we CAN pay for our monthly bills! It is so exciting to us. Bit by bit we are digging our way out of the pit we've been in. We've even been able support some missions again, enjoy some dinners out and start Michaela in her braces! For Christmas this year, our family is going on our very first snow vacation for 2 days!
Also noteworthy on that day:
*We celebrated our holiday anniversary: Married 27 years on June 27th! My buddy continues to be my best friend, my tireless encourager and the object of my affections.
*Our kids celebrated their anniversaries: Caleb and Amy (one year in May) and Funnel and Jen will celebrate their second one this week. We love having married kids! Such fun.
*Our three middle boys moved home for the summer. Zac found a new apartment in Sept., and Seth and Micah will leave for a few weeks for Vail, Colorado. They have secured a 6 mo. job at a beautiful ski resort. They have been guaranteed 40 hrs. work per week, plus meals and free snowboarding. A dream come true for them! (In their own words..they will be "joking with and pushing little rich kids down the tubing hill.") I'm really going to miss them. Even though I do tease about having a pair of "raccoons" living in our basement.
*All the kids are healthy, and the older ones have jobs. Something to be VERY grateful for.
Let's see, in numbers I've also experienced the following:
7 nights with my buddy in the Riviera in Mexico!
6 different job changes (with 5 of our kids...)
5 rooms in our house cleaned (well...sort of - we're still working on de-cluttering)
4 months of paying our monthly bills, on time!
3 kids now left to home school - (I'm working on it) Danielle will graduate on May 23, 2009!
2 months now of reduced days of work for me. (I'm down to one Sunday per month now)
AND
1 new job for me!(I'm working very part time for Dan. I hope I don't get fired...I'm WAY behind on some things. I can honestly, yet jokingly say that I am sleeping with my boss. : )
It is a wonderful, different, optomistic time for us. .. yet we still remain tired on many fronts and are still trying to "catch up" on all the things left undone for the past six years. We are slowly getting a "grip", I think. Dan surprised me with the trip to Mexico in Sept. It was a rare time for us to just lay on the beach, take long walks and do almost nothing. We arrived home on Sat., Sept. 13th. On Sunday, Dan flew out to Florida, the remains of Hurricane Ike blew threw central Ohio and we lost a lot of trees, plus our electricity for two days. On Wed., Yell and I were out for a walk on the bike path strew with the storm debris, and I slipped on a walnut, fell flat on my back and promptly sprained my weak ankle. (This is sprain No. 7, in addition to the fractured foot and tibia from years ago). I believe in the conspiracy theory...I think the squirrels put that walnut there purely for their entertainment of watching me fall. Basically, every bit of relaxation we experienced on that beach in Mexico flew right out the window when we returned! We still laugh about it though. We have so many great memories to reflect back on.
I'm still in some pain from my back and ankle, but can't complain. It is healing slowly. I'm discouraged because I had just started losing a few pounds and I remain in a state of lacking self control. I need to figure out some new exercise options for myself as well as quit consoling myself with all sorts of chocolate. I'm learning to operate withing the "new normal". Life never seems to stay the same for any length of time...which is good I suppose.
My check book hasn't been the same - which is GREAT! The first morning we had sufficient money in our account to pay our monthly bills, I was beyond excited. I got up extra early, brewed my favorite coffee, put in my favorite CD, and had a GRAND time paying those bills! I still look forward to it every month now. Yet I know, that we can always go back to where we were. We learned so much about God's provision and how He can use our dear friends and family - even strangers! to show us that He has not abandoned us.
Just a few weeks ago, Dan came home with what he called another "Aldi Moment". Do any of you shop at Aldi's? I relied heavily on it to make our monthly food budget for years. I actually still do, but now I can afford Trader Joe's and some other great food spots inbetween my Aldi runs. Recently as Dan was going through the check-out there, he felt heavily convicted to help someone out. Not really knowing what to do...he started toward the car, and then returned. Because no one was around, he asked the cashier if she knew of anyone that could really use an Aldi gift card at this time. At first, she said that she didn't trust herself to send the funds in the right direction. But as she thought about it, she changed her mind and said that she actually did know two families in great need. Dan went ahead and purchased the gift cards and started out the door. She called to him...."Can I give you a hug?" By now a few people had formed a line to check out, and Dan was sure they were thinking..."WHAT on earth?" But it was a great encouragement to Dan. Such a SMALL gesture, but one that we both knew personally, from experience, could mean the world to someone that needed items they could not afford to buy.
I remember lining my items up at Aldi in order of need: and often I had to put the items at the back aside. I know what it is like to spend a great deal of time evaluating whether to buy this, or that. Can we do without it this week? It wasn't that long ago. This spring I had looked forward to having some friends of ours over for dinner. For several nights, I planned inexpensive meals (eggs, beans and rice, etc.) so I could "save" our meat for the week and prepare a great meal for our guests. (as I remember, it was really enjoyable too! The fellowship was sweet, and we all enjoyed the grilled chicken taco's with plenty of salsa and chips to go around.)
These memories are really sweet to me because I have learned to identify with those that are going through hard times. Sometimes when we drive up next to a smoking, old, noisy car - we say they are "kindred spirits". We know many "kindred spirits" - those with beat up cars, lack of funds and dire situations. As my wise friend once said: "I have learned to pray: Lord- please don't waste these trials. May they serve to benefit me and someone else in my path."
Our Bible study these past two weeks have been focusing on God' s "surrounding us" (we're going through Beth Moore's study: "The Psalms of Ascent"). Oh my, I can't even write what these passages have meant to me. Psalm 120 - 134 chronicle David's intimate walk with God. They resound with emotion, truth and God's ever failing love. As Beth writes:
"There is no literature in all the world that is more true to life and more honest than the Psalms, for here we have warts-and-all religion. Every skeptical thought, every disappointing venture, every pain, every despair that we can face is lived through and integrated into a personal, saving relationship with God - a relationship that also has in it acts of praise, blessing, peace, security, trust and love." p. 5 - introduction. Amen Beth.
On a personal note: I am spending more time praying for my kids these days. I am praying that they all truly make Jesus the Lord of their lives. I know that it is HIM doing the work in their lives and I struggle at times to get out of the way and let Him work. I am thankful for each area of growth that I see in any of their lives. I am asking the Lord to draw the ones that especially need Him back to Him, whatever it takes. If you ever think of us, that is our most urgent prayer for now. Thanks for all your prayers for Dan's job! God showed up in a big way for us!!!!
So many of us feel that the future is uncertain. (It has been a long, political election season, hasn't it? I'm greatly looking forward to having Nov. 4 behind us! ) We are still in great need of God. A pay check is a poor substitute for utter dependence on Him for our every need. It has been a long, painful, utterly wonderful seven years.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Overwhelmed by Kindness!
For so long, I have used the word "overwhelmed" in conjunction with stressful situations in my life. This morning, I am absolutely overwhelmed by God's kindness - demonstrated through so many people and circumstances in our lives the past few days.
Just a few days ago, I was discouraged. The van loan that was denied, plus several other situations - made for a rough week.
Remember the vision that died for the Honda Odyssesey? Believe it or not, it is sitting in our driveway this morning!
It is a quiet and peaceful Sunday morning. I treasure these quiet times in the morning with the Lord as I meet Him on the gazebo. He never fails to meet me here - although many mornings I fail Him by being too busy and not showing up. This morning was sweet. We attended Ikiru's concert last night in which they played their song's from the book of Job. (the band is made up of Adam Langdon, Caleb's brother in law - and Issac and Ethan Barton.) It was amazing...absolutely amazing. The lyric's, drum rhythms - guitar - organ, it all blended together to make an evening of worship and enjoyment of music. So...I found myself reading Job this morning. Wow. Job loses me in the very first chapter, because he was an upright and blameless man. We can never compare our circumstances to Job's.
But - they have been challenging. As quickly as things went down hill this week, they began to turn uphill. On Thur. morning - Dan found out that Huntington would consider our loan for the van with Mom being primary on the title, Dan being secondary. His conference call came shortly after that. The contract appears to be agreed upon! He should have his first check by next week. On Thurs. afternoon Mom began the process. It was approved, and we were set to close on Fri. afternoon at 2 p.m. Meanwhile, we called Don Towle and over the phone - told us what was available. To make a short story - we bought this van, sight unseen, and picked it up on Sat. morning with Mom! It is a beautiful 2005 Honda Odyssey with only 60K miles. I can't get over it. As we were in the lot Don asked us if we wanted to drive it before we bought it and we said "no" - we trust you. He was trying to explain some of the options to me and I was lost - so many bells and whistles! I reminded him that in the past six years, with my previous three cars - I have had a grand total of $2,850.00 for the purchase price! Simply put - I'm not used to alot of new features. They are sweet! I drove home in the new van while Dan and Mom drove the Civic home. I kept thinking "I can't wait to take a road trip in this!" and wouldn't you know...I unexpectedly did on my way home. I took wrong turn, and ended up in unfamiliary territory making my way home 45 min. after Mom and Dan!
So many people, so many brothers and sisters offering prayers on our behalf - so many circumstances - one very faithful God
For the first time this summer on Thursday evening, Dan and I sat out on the porch that he and a myriad of boys finished right before Caleb's open house. We looked up at the stars and complemented the Lord that made the serene surroundings. We did something that we haven't done in a while. We started to dream again.
The van has symbolized so much more to us than just being a "new" vehicle. It represents a new beginning for us. It represents freedom in some ways - to have transportation available when we've been "shut in's" for many months in the past six years or so, either due to lack of a working car or the money to even put gas in it. It represents God's mercy and kindness in restoring what has been taken away from us. It also to me represents a new lesson. Paul states that he "learned" to be content in all circumstances - whether well fed or hungry - in plenty or in want. I think I've been promoted past Nursery school now. I'm learning what it means to be content in Christ - no matter what your outward circumstances are. As I was talking to Bill after the concert last night, I realized that we really can go back to old cars, uncertain circumstances, etc. We've been there before. I'm just grateful for the reprieve now.
Job is way ahead of me. Paul is so far beyond me in His devotion and service to Christ that I can hardly write my name in the same paragraph as his. But we both love and serve the same Lord and it gives me so much hope for the future!
Just a few days ago, I was discouraged. The van loan that was denied, plus several other situations - made for a rough week.
Remember the vision that died for the Honda Odyssesey? Believe it or not, it is sitting in our driveway this morning!
It is a quiet and peaceful Sunday morning. I treasure these quiet times in the morning with the Lord as I meet Him on the gazebo. He never fails to meet me here - although many mornings I fail Him by being too busy and not showing up. This morning was sweet. We attended Ikiru's concert last night in which they played their song's from the book of Job. (the band is made up of Adam Langdon, Caleb's brother in law - and Issac and Ethan Barton.) It was amazing...absolutely amazing. The lyric's, drum rhythms - guitar - organ, it all blended together to make an evening of worship and enjoyment of music. So...I found myself reading Job this morning. Wow. Job loses me in the very first chapter, because he was an upright and blameless man. We can never compare our circumstances to Job's.
But - they have been challenging. As quickly as things went down hill this week, they began to turn uphill. On Thur. morning - Dan found out that Huntington would consider our loan for the van with Mom being primary on the title, Dan being secondary. His conference call came shortly after that. The contract appears to be agreed upon! He should have his first check by next week. On Thurs. afternoon Mom began the process. It was approved, and we were set to close on Fri. afternoon at 2 p.m. Meanwhile, we called Don Towle and over the phone - told us what was available. To make a short story - we bought this van, sight unseen, and picked it up on Sat. morning with Mom! It is a beautiful 2005 Honda Odyssey with only 60K miles. I can't get over it. As we were in the lot Don asked us if we wanted to drive it before we bought it and we said "no" - we trust you. He was trying to explain some of the options to me and I was lost - so many bells and whistles! I reminded him that in the past six years, with my previous three cars - I have had a grand total of $2,850.00 for the purchase price! Simply put - I'm not used to alot of new features. They are sweet! I drove home in the new van while Dan and Mom drove the Civic home. I kept thinking "I can't wait to take a road trip in this!" and wouldn't you know...I unexpectedly did on my way home. I took wrong turn, and ended up in unfamiliary territory making my way home 45 min. after Mom and Dan!
So many people, so many brothers and sisters offering prayers on our behalf - so many circumstances - one very faithful God
For the first time this summer on Thursday evening, Dan and I sat out on the porch that he and a myriad of boys finished right before Caleb's open house. We looked up at the stars and complemented the Lord that made the serene surroundings. We did something that we haven't done in a while. We started to dream again.
The van has symbolized so much more to us than just being a "new" vehicle. It represents a new beginning for us. It represents freedom in some ways - to have transportation available when we've been "shut in's" for many months in the past six years or so, either due to lack of a working car or the money to even put gas in it. It represents God's mercy and kindness in restoring what has been taken away from us. It also to me represents a new lesson. Paul states that he "learned" to be content in all circumstances - whether well fed or hungry - in plenty or in want. I think I've been promoted past Nursery school now. I'm learning what it means to be content in Christ - no matter what your outward circumstances are. As I was talking to Bill after the concert last night, I realized that we really can go back to old cars, uncertain circumstances, etc. We've been there before. I'm just grateful for the reprieve now.
Job is way ahead of me. Paul is so far beyond me in His devotion and service to Christ that I can hardly write my name in the same paragraph as his. But we both love and serve the same Lord and it gives me so much hope for the future!
Friday, June 20, 2008
The First Day of Summer!
According to my calendar - today marks the first day of summer.
Already, I am enjoying it immensely. I am on my screened in porch, watching and listening to the myriad of wildlife outside. Hopefully, the oriole's will show up again this morning. I've already watched the blue jays, sparrows and of course, our silly cats. We also have a baby squirrel that I am waiting on. The trees are vivid shades of green, our pool is a crystal clear turquoise and the sky is a soft mix of blues and whites swirled together. ahhh...it is summer.
Firsts can be really fun. The first time I rode a bike I thought I was pretty big stuff. Anticipation culminated in a diploma as I walked down the gymnasium floor and graduated from high school. The first time I met my Dan in the college bookstore and we had a short conversation I was totally "twitter-paited" -which happens to be my favorite word from the movie "Bambi". (..."so...I see we're in Bible Literature together...what kind of notebook are you going to buy?....?" while I was thinking...This guy is awesome!!!! I hope we are sitting together!)
The first time he kissed me, the first time he said he loved me, the first time I walked down the aisle in my bridal gown and my eyes met his. Less than a year later, the first time I held my first born son. The first time we paid cash for a brand new car, the first time we signed the papers as homeowners (we bought a run down house at an auction for $12,500K! ) Firsts are something you never forget, no matter how old you are. I like firsts.
Already, I am enjoying it immensely. I am on my screened in porch, watching and listening to the myriad of wildlife outside. Hopefully, the oriole's will show up again this morning. I've already watched the blue jays, sparrows and of course, our silly cats. We also have a baby squirrel that I am waiting on. The trees are vivid shades of green, our pool is a crystal clear turquoise and the sky is a soft mix of blues and whites swirled together. ahhh...it is summer.
Firsts can be really fun. The first time I rode a bike I thought I was pretty big stuff. Anticipation culminated in a diploma as I walked down the gymnasium floor and graduated from high school. The first time I met my Dan in the college bookstore and we had a short conversation I was totally "twitter-paited" -which happens to be my favorite word from the movie "Bambi". (..."so...I see we're in Bible Literature together...what kind of notebook are you going to buy?....?" while I was thinking...This guy is awesome!!!! I hope we are sitting together!)
The first time he kissed me, the first time he said he loved me, the first time I walked down the aisle in my bridal gown and my eyes met his. Less than a year later, the first time I held my first born son. The first time we paid cash for a brand new car, the first time we signed the papers as homeowners (we bought a run down house at an auction for $12,500K! ) Firsts are something you never forget, no matter how old you are. I like firsts.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Consequences.
One bad decision can wreak havoc in a person's life. If you haven't experienced this, please, take my word for it. If not my word, take God's.
I made one bad decision on Tuesday. I decided to do some heavy duty yard work, ignoring my good sense not to do so (because of a neck and back problem I'm having.)
Consequence? The mother of all migraine's hit me on Wed.! I woke up around 5 a.m. - and didn't honestly feel like a person again until 6 p.m. when I could finally keep some pain meds and food in my stomach. (I hate throwing up. It's yucky. Bad, bad migraine.)
One of the boys made a bad decision in not paying his traffic ticket on time.
Consequence? HASSLE!!! phone calls, internet searches...more hassle today! He has to pay more money to have his license reinstated. Even I have been at my wits end helping him with this. It is alot of red tape and alot of time wasted.
We once made a bad decision to loan out some money against our paid for home.
Consequence? There have been literally hundreds of them - but we had a fresh new one today.
With Dan's pending project looking like a go (Yea!) we have been van shopping. His first check should be in next week! Wanting to help "rebuild" our credit - we thought it best to see if we could obtain a small loan for a used van - and asked Mom if she would co-sign. She agreed, so we began the process. Now mind you, my last three cars have been, well....modest. One was $2,500 - "Penelope" - and then came "Buck the Buick" for $350 - and last, but not least, my Previa was given to us! So with that back ground info. this will make more sense. We have been looking for a newer model to last us 5-7 years. We think we found it! Right color, right mileage -right friend selling it to us - everything! I honestly haven't allowed myself to get excited about too much these past few years, because most things have fallen through. But this morning, I was excited. I got dressed in my favorite skirt and shirt, and was hoping to hear from the bank that "It's a go! Go get your van!"
We heard the opposite. Even with Mom's co-signature we cannot obtain even a small loan.
Consequences stink. I can't help admitting that I am sad. I wanted to take the kids to the zoo as a surprise this week.
The loan officer's friendly voice calmly stated: "We reviewed your credit report and are sorry that we cannot offer you anything at this time."
What I heard was: "You morons, you can't afford anything. Keep making due with one car....we don't care that you have to get up early to get each other to work. You're in debt way over your eye balls. Go change from your favorite skirt to some work clothes, because you people really aren't worth our time."
There is most definately an emotional toll to being financially strapped. And we became strapped because of one very poor decision.
I'm so glad that I have made one RIGHT choice in my life....Jesus! I've decided not to be sad anymore, because in Jesus - I am rich. My poor choices have been covered at the foot of the cross by His precious blood, and the consequences for my sin have been removed. Can anyone say AMEN?!? All the beautiful Honda Odyssey's in the world can't compare with that! It's so easy to listen to Satan's lies when we are in the midst of trials. Last Sunday, Danny Biggers (Amy's uncle) had an awesome message at church. It was titled: "How Long Lord?" and was based on Psalm 13. What an applicable message for me that day. Faith is the substance of things not seen - so what a blessing it is that Dan and I cannot see our way out of this. God can, and that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how long, because He's the one in control of the "how long". He is the one that gently holds us as we walk through the consequences of our bad decisions here on earth. He does it without condemning us, but lovingly reminding us that He works out all things for good, IF we love Him. (Rom. 8:28-29) I praise you today Lord, for every trial and blessing you bring into my life. I thank you for taking the consequences of my sin - so that I can be with you.
I made one bad decision on Tuesday. I decided to do some heavy duty yard work, ignoring my good sense not to do so (because of a neck and back problem I'm having.)
Consequence? The mother of all migraine's hit me on Wed.! I woke up around 5 a.m. - and didn't honestly feel like a person again until 6 p.m. when I could finally keep some pain meds and food in my stomach. (I hate throwing up. It's yucky. Bad, bad migraine.)
One of the boys made a bad decision in not paying his traffic ticket on time.
Consequence? HASSLE!!! phone calls, internet searches...more hassle today! He has to pay more money to have his license reinstated. Even I have been at my wits end helping him with this. It is alot of red tape and alot of time wasted.
We once made a bad decision to loan out some money against our paid for home.
Consequence? There have been literally hundreds of them - but we had a fresh new one today.
With Dan's pending project looking like a go (Yea!) we have been van shopping. His first check should be in next week! Wanting to help "rebuild" our credit - we thought it best to see if we could obtain a small loan for a used van - and asked Mom if she would co-sign. She agreed, so we began the process. Now mind you, my last three cars have been, well....modest. One was $2,500 - "Penelope" - and then came "Buck the Buick" for $350 - and last, but not least, my Previa was given to us! So with that back ground info. this will make more sense. We have been looking for a newer model to last us 5-7 years. We think we found it! Right color, right mileage -right friend selling it to us - everything! I honestly haven't allowed myself to get excited about too much these past few years, because most things have fallen through. But this morning, I was excited. I got dressed in my favorite skirt and shirt, and was hoping to hear from the bank that "It's a go! Go get your van!"
We heard the opposite. Even with Mom's co-signature we cannot obtain even a small loan.
Consequences stink. I can't help admitting that I am sad. I wanted to take the kids to the zoo as a surprise this week.
The loan officer's friendly voice calmly stated: "We reviewed your credit report and are sorry that we cannot offer you anything at this time."
What I heard was: "You morons, you can't afford anything. Keep making due with one car....we don't care that you have to get up early to get each other to work. You're in debt way over your eye balls. Go change from your favorite skirt to some work clothes, because you people really aren't worth our time."
There is most definately an emotional toll to being financially strapped. And we became strapped because of one very poor decision.
I'm so glad that I have made one RIGHT choice in my life....Jesus! I've decided not to be sad anymore, because in Jesus - I am rich. My poor choices have been covered at the foot of the cross by His precious blood, and the consequences for my sin have been removed. Can anyone say AMEN?!? All the beautiful Honda Odyssey's in the world can't compare with that! It's so easy to listen to Satan's lies when we are in the midst of trials. Last Sunday, Danny Biggers (Amy's uncle) had an awesome message at church. It was titled: "How Long Lord?" and was based on Psalm 13. What an applicable message for me that day. Faith is the substance of things not seen - so what a blessing it is that Dan and I cannot see our way out of this. God can, and that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how long, because He's the one in control of the "how long". He is the one that gently holds us as we walk through the consequences of our bad decisions here on earth. He does it without condemning us, but lovingly reminding us that He works out all things for good, IF we love Him. (Rom. 8:28-29) I praise you today Lord, for every trial and blessing you bring into my life. I thank you for taking the consequences of my sin - so that I can be with you.
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