"He Giveth More Grace"

"I don't know what to make of life these days". I think I just wrote that a few days ago in my previous blog. Somehow, as believers, I think learning to live with unanswered questions drives us closer to the Father's side.

Even in the past few days, more and more difficult news. I have new friends that are in a very dark storm, completely un-chartered waters. Dan and I just found out that one of our dear older friends (who we heard wasn't feeling well...) now has hospice helping to care for him. He and his dear wife have ministered to us time and time again in the past 14 years. Little Sophia has to go back in tomorrow morning for yet another blood draw, and this time, if the results aren't encouraging, they will be scheduling her bone marrow draw. Ginger sent me an e-mail with the update just before we were to go visit them and take dinner over. I couldn't keep the tears from falling on my drive over. If anyone happens to be reading this - please pray for these dear families. They all know and love God. They are committed to serving Him and are all such a testimony of God's grace right now. They need to know that we love and support them.

For some reason, when I feel especially low, I find strength in the Hymns of the Faith. These believers also faced difficult times, suffering, even death. The words penned from their hearts, (with tear stained cheeks, I am sure) span the years between us and serve as a testimony to who God is. He IS our "Mighty Fortress" (Martin Luther) and faithfully "He Giveth More Grace"(Annie Flint). Who can deny "Oh the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus" (Samuel Francis) or the peace that we receive in grief while still proclaiming "It Is Well With My Soul" (Horatio Spafford)? We look to Him for our future in "Be Thou My Vision" (Ancient Irish Hymn) and praise Him from the tops of our voices that He has loved us - "Just As I Am" (Charlotte Elliott). Someday, oh how grand it will be! We will all cry in worship "All Hail The Power of Jesus Name!"(E. Perroner).

But for now, we are here. Confined to human bodies, limitations - sometimes sufferings and trials. In the past year, as I have struggled to make "sense" of some things, it has helped me to recall who God reallly is. Do I believe it? Do I believe that He is all powerful, all loving, all righteous and unable to make a mistake? Do I honestly believe that He governs justly and has the believers best interests at heart? Do I believe these things in the core of my being?

As I have come to some terms in this, life has made alittle more "sense". When events happen that seem out of control, it helps me to remember that GOD IS IN CONTROL. When tragedy strikes and pain grips a believers soul, it helps me to remember that GOD IS OUR REFUGE, A VERY PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE. Trusting that He is who He said He is, helps me to sleep and be at peace when I cannot understand events that unfold around me. If you want an exercise in faith building, sing the words to the hymn "Immortal, Invisible". In that short hymn alone, you will find a rich treasure of adjectives that describe our Heavenly Father. Just to name a few ..."most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days...almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise."

Nothing in all the world comforts and surrounds us like God's Word in times of trial. But after soaking in His Word, I find a quiet rest in these songs. I wish I could just write the verses of so many hymns tonight - just for the hope that anyone reading this may draw strength from the writers words. But I'll close with two of my favorites:
"Be Still, My Soul" by Katharina von Schlegal
"Be still, my soul! the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God, to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul! thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end."

"Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee" by Henry Van Dyke
"Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love;
Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness, Drive the dark of doubt away,
Giver of immortal gladness, Fill us with the light of day."

Looking back, Moving forward.

One of those rare events has just occurred....I'm sitting in a quiet house.

Yesterday, Seth and Micah (plus Dan Willis) set out for Vail, Colorado. As Micah's facebook status said: "I'm off for a grand adventure in Vail, Colorado!". No doubt it will be. The boys all lined up jobs at a ski resort out there for 6 months. I am going to miss them terribly. Even though I was at times frustrated at the mess the basement was in (I jokingly told people that I had "raccoons" living in my basement...and they would say, "REALLY?"). Nope. Just the boys - growing Lord knows what down there in that bathroom.
Moke is off to a friends for a sleepover, Danielle is out to a movie, and Michaela and Dan are watching "Star Wars" - so it's just me and Melee hanging out in the Living Room.

I don't know what to make of life these days. There have been some great tragedies recently:
*Jason Mansfield, age 22, went home to be with the Lord suddenly in a car accident. He was a friend of the boys, and had been over here a couple times. He left behind a shocked family and a broken hearted fiance'. His funeral was packed with people, and was one of the most sorrowful, yet hopeful things I have ever attended.
*Ginger's baby, Sophia, has been in the hospital. They are awaiting her blood count results to see if she may have leukemia. We are all believing that the Lord is going to heal her little body. Ginger and Adam's baby Faith, suddenly went home to be with the Lord at 6 weeks of age, about a year and a half ago.
Other really sad things, almost too many to list. Some are very private matters. Yet in each and every sadness, I see God's grace so evident in the lives of those that are in the middle of it.

Challenging things: Our married kids have had a few: You know, like a buying a new, used car (only to find that it immediately needs repairs), having to have "procedures" done on your body that are painful, working 70 hours in one week, only to have no sales or money for it, having an acquaintance at work die (due to his suicide, after killing his 7 year old daughter.) That event really was in the tragic catagory.
Our Co-Op had to close down suddenly until next year. My friends on the committee have been working for hours trying to bring a resolution to the situation. It's a tough one.

Good things too:
*All the boys jobs are going well. They are adapting, working hard and making ends meet. I pray for the day that Jen and Amy can cut back on their hours at their present joband begin doing the work they both prefer. Jen - Photography and Amy - Cosmotology.
*Dan was able to update his company car! He loves it. We drove to Cleveland for this black, two year old, six-speed beauty. I haven't driven it yet, but I will. It makes me so happy to see him take the kids for rides in it! I told him that I thought he deserved some "happiness".
*Church is going well - as well as our Bible Study in the Psalms. I've hit a bit of a "dry" time spiritually - so these things have really kept me going. I'm thankful the way the Lord always finds me, just where I am. Others have been so kind to us at Logos - I'm grateful for them.

Being 47 is cool. I do love looking back, as well as ahead. (I figure I'm somewhere past the middle now - which is interesting). I do look forward to seeing Jesus, more all the time. I also can appreciate looking back, and seeing all the God has accomplished in and through our lives.
While I have this quiet house, I'm going to go spend a little "quiet" time with Him.