There is no way that any mere mortal can begin to write about the character of God with any accuracy. I would only like to say that in the midst of trying times, it brings me great comfort to think often about His character, and less about the circumstances with which I, my friends, family or other humans around the world are dealing with.
Vividly I remember the Tsunami that claimed the lives of 29,000 people about six years ago. I am not sure why, but that event really broke my heart. We knew some college students that lived in that area, and one young woman was even in India at the time of the tragedy. Thankfully, she e-mailed us quickly telling about her safety. But the images of the children, parents crying, death and destruction littered everywhere - will always remain with me. I couldn't understand such devastation on such a large scale. It was then that the Lord began to softly touch my heart with the realities of His character, through the reading of His Word and through the testimonies of other believers. The Holy Spirit began teaching me about His righteous, loving, compassionate, merciful, faithful, trustworthy, holy and just character. Through the testimonies of others, I saw humans bearing out the truth of God's character in the midst of their most trying circumstances.
I'm thinking of that now as I read of Haiti and the consequences of this horrific earthquake. I can't understand such devastation on such a large scale, but I can spend time in the Word and leave all these things I don't understand with Him.
I cannot understand why my little friend has leukemia, or why a mere child should lay in a hospital with a brain tumor. I don't understand why breast cancer has the power to devastate so many women's lives.
But - either God is who He says He is, or He is not. I choose to believe God is exactly who He says He is.
I put my complete faith in the one that has it all under control, especially in this fallen world.
Someday, His Word promises that every knee will bow, and every tongue confess that He is Lord. He promises to wipe away every tear. I look forward to that day.
For now, we walk by faith and not by sight.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
A Change of Plans -
How often has God completely changed your plans - put you on a completely different course? I know it has happened to us all.
This year there have been many such "change of plans" for some of my girlfriends. Just moving along, following their own business, living their lives, and BOOM - a huge change of plans. A diagnosis of a baby's leukemia, across the ocean in Africa, another diagnosis of a little boys brain tumor, a vibrant, 17 yr. old girl told- you have leukemia - a baby born with a heart defect requiring many future surgeries, and a diagnosis of breast cancer for a woman that is just starting a new chapter of her life at the enjoyable age of 58.
I don't know why God diverts our course, I only know that His way is perfect and we can rest in that even as we struggle to come to grips with the new circumstances in our lives. Just this past week, Sophia was awaiting a big test result that would show if the leukemia had returned. If it had, that would be devastating. It just so happened this was the day that I was to have lunch with Charles and Bernice. As they walked across the room to me, one of their first questions was, "How is Sophia, and Ginger"? Happily, I told them that the results came back with NO blasts - a huge praise - as the oncologist has told them to pray for a miracle! Both of these dear people were overcome with praise to the Lord for this wonderful news. Bernice put her hands in the air - "Praise God, oh , Praise God!" I was so touched by this couple. They are in the midst of severe trials of their own, yet they set that aside and genuinely rejoiced over good test results for another brother and sister in Christ. How can they do that? It is all God, they tell me.
Even in the middle of a change of plans - some things never change:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..." He knows. Nothing is taking Him by surprise nor is anything out of His control.
We also are not seperated by His love as promised in Rom. 8:31 - 39.
I'm so comforted by that today. My small change of plans this morning resulted in an unexpected, sweet time alone with Him. (sometimes, when I cannot sleep, I give in to the plan God has for me at that moment. I can practice resting in Him and seek Him in prayer, for myself and others). There is no noise in this otherwise noisy home at the moment, save for worship music playing in the background and a wild kitten chasing paper balls here and there. I have had tears streaming down my face as I have reflected on God's faithfulness and love, so evident in lives of these friends listed above. Tears of joy intermingled with tears of longing for resolution and relief from pain for my dear brothers and sisters in Christ.
I'll copy and paste a message I just sent to some of them on Facebook - and remind myself not to fear any "change of plan" the Lord allows in my life.
Debbie Frederick January 17 at 11:33am
Change of plans - I'm home from church (with a migraine I woke up to at 6) and kind of "down for the count". At least the fourth round or so. I wanted to write something to you before I forget...I think of you as my "five fab" - my five girlfriends that are fabulous! I almost always pray for you at similar times.
I had just finished writing the "update" on all of you on my FB site, and I went to leave and reached in my pocket to a little crumpled piece of paper. I remembered that I had Panda Express with you (Bernice) and hadn't read my "fortune" from my cookie. I'm not a big believer in Panda's predictions for my future, or anyone elses - but guess what it said? "If you have HOPE, you have everything". I'll take it!
I am praying hope for each of you - as we know where it comes from - GOD!
Also flipped open to Romans 8:31-39 this morning. It starts and ends with: "What then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?....Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ....
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
AMEN! Even when you are seperated from others, your loved ones, your "normal circumstances" - you are NEVER seperated from the Love of God!
I miss you all - looking forward to seeing you all again.
(April - sorry, I did have some food ready but didn't have the presense of mind to send it with Dan this morning. Perhaps we can swing by tonight? Praying for your sore muscles from moving!)
love to you all -
Debbie
This year there have been many such "change of plans" for some of my girlfriends. Just moving along, following their own business, living their lives, and BOOM - a huge change of plans. A diagnosis of a baby's leukemia, across the ocean in Africa, another diagnosis of a little boys brain tumor, a vibrant, 17 yr. old girl told- you have leukemia - a baby born with a heart defect requiring many future surgeries, and a diagnosis of breast cancer for a woman that is just starting a new chapter of her life at the enjoyable age of 58.
I don't know why God diverts our course, I only know that His way is perfect and we can rest in that even as we struggle to come to grips with the new circumstances in our lives. Just this past week, Sophia was awaiting a big test result that would show if the leukemia had returned. If it had, that would be devastating. It just so happened this was the day that I was to have lunch with Charles and Bernice. As they walked across the room to me, one of their first questions was, "How is Sophia, and Ginger"? Happily, I told them that the results came back with NO blasts - a huge praise - as the oncologist has told them to pray for a miracle! Both of these dear people were overcome with praise to the Lord for this wonderful news. Bernice put her hands in the air - "Praise God, oh , Praise God!" I was so touched by this couple. They are in the midst of severe trials of their own, yet they set that aside and genuinely rejoiced over good test results for another brother and sister in Christ. How can they do that? It is all God, they tell me.
Even in the middle of a change of plans - some things never change:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..." He knows. Nothing is taking Him by surprise nor is anything out of His control.
We also are not seperated by His love as promised in Rom. 8:31 - 39.
I'm so comforted by that today. My small change of plans this morning resulted in an unexpected, sweet time alone with Him. (sometimes, when I cannot sleep, I give in to the plan God has for me at that moment. I can practice resting in Him and seek Him in prayer, for myself and others). There is no noise in this otherwise noisy home at the moment, save for worship music playing in the background and a wild kitten chasing paper balls here and there. I have had tears streaming down my face as I have reflected on God's faithfulness and love, so evident in lives of these friends listed above. Tears of joy intermingled with tears of longing for resolution and relief from pain for my dear brothers and sisters in Christ.
I'll copy and paste a message I just sent to some of them on Facebook - and remind myself not to fear any "change of plan" the Lord allows in my life.
Debbie Frederick January 17 at 11:33am
Change of plans - I'm home from church (with a migraine I woke up to at 6) and kind of "down for the count". At least the fourth round or so. I wanted to write something to you before I forget...I think of you as my "five fab" - my five girlfriends that are fabulous! I almost always pray for you at similar times.
I had just finished writing the "update" on all of you on my FB site, and I went to leave and reached in my pocket to a little crumpled piece of paper. I remembered that I had Panda Express with you (Bernice) and hadn't read my "fortune" from my cookie. I'm not a big believer in Panda's predictions for my future, or anyone elses - but guess what it said? "If you have HOPE, you have everything". I'll take it!
I am praying hope for each of you - as we know where it comes from - GOD!
Also flipped open to Romans 8:31-39 this morning. It starts and ends with: "What then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?....Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ....
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
AMEN! Even when you are seperated from others, your loved ones, your "normal circumstances" - you are NEVER seperated from the Love of God!
I miss you all - looking forward to seeing you all again.
(April - sorry, I did have some food ready but didn't have the presense of mind to send it with Dan this morning. Perhaps we can swing by tonight? Praying for your sore muscles from moving!)
love to you all -
Debbie
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Today - In History
This semester at Co-Op, I'm teaching a class on Current Events and World Geography. We usually start our class with a trivia session I call: "On this day in History..." It's always interesting and recalling these events about inventions, wars, speeches, etc. has surprised even me.
Today is one of those days for me. "On this day in (Frederick!) History...."
Three years ago today, we welcomed our first daughter-in-law into the family. I can't describe how happy that day was for Dan and I, let alone Funnel and Jen! I remember so many small details of that day...my girls getting ready in their bridesmaids dresses, our guests (family and friends) from out of state and our conversations, the way Dan looked in his suit (so handsome! that buddy of mine!), the beauty of the old church in which they married, the coolness and absurdity of the snow storm that day, the "Tigers" game being played just around the corner (the people of Massilon are sports enthusiasts, to say the least!), my nervousness over whether I would trip when it was my turn to light the candle, my mental images of Caleb and Amy getting married in six short months (they had become engaged the previous weekend!), visiting with Jen's Mom and Dad, praying Jen's grandparents would arrive safely, seeing the grin that would NOT leave Nathanael's face, and then...looking at Jen for the first time in her wedding gown. (she never looked more beautiful). I can recall these and other images of that day with absolute clarity, as this flood of memories swirls around my heart and head today! As Mary, the mother of our Lord, is recorded as doing: I treasured all these things and pondered them in my heart.
Seven years ago today, I began a journal to record some of the ways the Lord was caring for our family during our difficult trials. In my way of thinking then, I thought it would be a short journal. You know...God is going to rescue us from this situation, any day now! Wrong. It became the most lengthy thing I have written. It has become one of the most treasured possessions that I own. I began it with these words:
"It is hard to put into words the many thoughts in the heart! But fall short as they may, they chronicle our days; the joys and pains, the simple and complex events that comprise our days...It has long been a desire of Dan and I to journal events in our lives that have brought us a new awareness of God's presence in our everyday lives. The way He cares for us, provides for our needs ~ even the people He uses to bless us! (and how many there have been!) Each event and person is so special to us, that we want to pass these stories on to our children: (thus far: Nathanael, Caleb, Zachery, Seth, Micah, Danielle, Jon-Mark and Michaela).
We want to never forget God's goodness! It brings joy to our hearts each time we recall these times - times that have changed us forever as we have grown in our faith in the Lord.
(...for we walk by FAITH, not by sight...") II Cor. 5:7
Little did I know on that day, seven years ago, that things were actually going to get worse before they would get better. Dan would be diagnosed with cancer, we would come very close to losing our home, I would have a personal struggle with depression, people that I loved would die. But, also how could I have known the blessing that was to come exactly four years later on that day? Our oldest son would walk down the aisle of a very old church, and marry the girl of his dreams. They would later dance to the song "The Luckiest" - each feeling that the title fit them perfectly!
As I sit down now, it is an uncharacteristically quiet day. Moke is still recovering from being sick, Dan is in Atlanta on business for four days and the only commotion going on right now is Melee running back and forth in the kitchen. All day yesterday, something was "stirring" in my soul - lots of memories, good and bad. I was mentally writing many more chapters for the book I still intend to finish...and then it hit me this morning. That was exactly seven years ago today that the very same "stirring" was in my heart. I didn't remember the starting date of my journal until a few hours ago. I think it is kind of cool that it was seven years ago today - I like all the "seven" things in Scripture! God is amazing. I am constantly, utterly humbled at the ways He chooses to interact with me - a frail human being. Another "seven" connection to all this is the years that we were in the midst of our most difficult trial. It was about seven years: from the time around 9/11/2001 to appx. 6/27/2008. It was on our 27th Anniversary, that Dan received his first major check for his new company!
Looking around me today, I still see the consequences of our trials, but more importantly - I see the blessing. All praise to Him, He is restoring the years that were "destroyed by the locusts". He is restoring relationships and allowing us to grow closer in friendships, as well as within our family relationships. We are such sinners on a daily basis - I'm amazed that God even puts up with us. You certainly know this if you know us! But - He is guiding us, step by step, out of this pit that we were in! Psalm 90 has been a frequent quote of mine this year in my correspondence to others. I can't help it - it speaks to me in such a personal and profound way!
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations.
Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God...
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants.
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble.
May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children.
May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands."
He did! He had compassion on us, He satisfied us every morning, He is making us glad again after the years of trouble! He is establishing the work for us. My new prayer now is: Lord, help me not to be a slacker!
Our years of trouble were so small compared to so many others trials, but it was real to us. It was painful, confusing and required so much of us. It seemed that it would never end. Slowly though, it did. I will write that book someday for our kids. I still feel compelled to do it - it is a work that He has established for me.
Today in History? I am thanking the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! I am going to hold tight to the memories and lessons that He has allowed to become a part of my personal history. And...I'm going to work on my book. : )
Today is one of those days for me. "On this day in (Frederick!) History...."
Three years ago today, we welcomed our first daughter-in-law into the family. I can't describe how happy that day was for Dan and I, let alone Funnel and Jen! I remember so many small details of that day...my girls getting ready in their bridesmaids dresses, our guests (family and friends) from out of state and our conversations, the way Dan looked in his suit (so handsome! that buddy of mine!), the beauty of the old church in which they married, the coolness and absurdity of the snow storm that day, the "Tigers" game being played just around the corner (the people of Massilon are sports enthusiasts, to say the least!), my nervousness over whether I would trip when it was my turn to light the candle, my mental images of Caleb and Amy getting married in six short months (they had become engaged the previous weekend!), visiting with Jen's Mom and Dad, praying Jen's grandparents would arrive safely, seeing the grin that would NOT leave Nathanael's face, and then...looking at Jen for the first time in her wedding gown. (she never looked more beautiful). I can recall these and other images of that day with absolute clarity, as this flood of memories swirls around my heart and head today! As Mary, the mother of our Lord, is recorded as doing: I treasured all these things and pondered them in my heart.
Seven years ago today, I began a journal to record some of the ways the Lord was caring for our family during our difficult trials. In my way of thinking then, I thought it would be a short journal. You know...God is going to rescue us from this situation, any day now! Wrong. It became the most lengthy thing I have written. It has become one of the most treasured possessions that I own. I began it with these words:
"It is hard to put into words the many thoughts in the heart! But fall short as they may, they chronicle our days; the joys and pains, the simple and complex events that comprise our days...It has long been a desire of Dan and I to journal events in our lives that have brought us a new awareness of God's presence in our everyday lives. The way He cares for us, provides for our needs ~ even the people He uses to bless us! (and how many there have been!) Each event and person is so special to us, that we want to pass these stories on to our children: (thus far: Nathanael, Caleb, Zachery, Seth, Micah, Danielle, Jon-Mark and Michaela).
We want to never forget God's goodness! It brings joy to our hearts each time we recall these times - times that have changed us forever as we have grown in our faith in the Lord.
(...for we walk by FAITH, not by sight...") II Cor. 5:7
Little did I know on that day, seven years ago, that things were actually going to get worse before they would get better. Dan would be diagnosed with cancer, we would come very close to losing our home, I would have a personal struggle with depression, people that I loved would die. But, also how could I have known the blessing that was to come exactly four years later on that day? Our oldest son would walk down the aisle of a very old church, and marry the girl of his dreams. They would later dance to the song "The Luckiest" - each feeling that the title fit them perfectly!
As I sit down now, it is an uncharacteristically quiet day. Moke is still recovering from being sick, Dan is in Atlanta on business for four days and the only commotion going on right now is Melee running back and forth in the kitchen. All day yesterday, something was "stirring" in my soul - lots of memories, good and bad. I was mentally writing many more chapters for the book I still intend to finish...and then it hit me this morning. That was exactly seven years ago today that the very same "stirring" was in my heart. I didn't remember the starting date of my journal until a few hours ago. I think it is kind of cool that it was seven years ago today - I like all the "seven" things in Scripture! God is amazing. I am constantly, utterly humbled at the ways He chooses to interact with me - a frail human being. Another "seven" connection to all this is the years that we were in the midst of our most difficult trial. It was about seven years: from the time around 9/11/2001 to appx. 6/27/2008. It was on our 27th Anniversary, that Dan received his first major check for his new company!
Looking around me today, I still see the consequences of our trials, but more importantly - I see the blessing. All praise to Him, He is restoring the years that were "destroyed by the locusts". He is restoring relationships and allowing us to grow closer in friendships, as well as within our family relationships. We are such sinners on a daily basis - I'm amazed that God even puts up with us. You certainly know this if you know us! But - He is guiding us, step by step, out of this pit that we were in! Psalm 90 has been a frequent quote of mine this year in my correspondence to others. I can't help it - it speaks to me in such a personal and profound way!
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations.
Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God...
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants.
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble.
May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children.
May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands."
He did! He had compassion on us, He satisfied us every morning, He is making us glad again after the years of trouble! He is establishing the work for us. My new prayer now is: Lord, help me not to be a slacker!
Our years of trouble were so small compared to so many others trials, but it was real to us. It was painful, confusing and required so much of us. It seemed that it would never end. Slowly though, it did. I will write that book someday for our kids. I still feel compelled to do it - it is a work that He has established for me.
Today in History? I am thanking the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! I am going to hold tight to the memories and lessons that He has allowed to become a part of my personal history. And...I'm going to work on my book. : )
Sunday, September 20, 2009
"I Will Rise"
Friday evening will be forever etched in my mind as an evening of awe and great saddness. I attended the Memorial Service for Joshua Gulvas, age 21, who lost his life in a hiking accident in Colorado on Sept. 12th, 2009.
Unfortunately, I never had the privilege of meeting this remarkable young man. I am friends with his mother, Shelley, and also know their daughter, Anna. We don't see each other very often, but we tend to pick right up where we left off. Shelley has a heart for the Lord that is intense, vibrant and contagious! When news came to me concerning Josh's situation in the Colorado wilderness, I was beyond shocked. He and his Dad, Rand, had only parted ways for a short time at the end of their hike. Josh never made it to the rendevous point, and from Tues. evening until Friday afternoon, his parents, family and friends lived through a nightmare that I personally cannot even imagine. Word went out via news, radio, cell phones and the internet. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of believers were all praying for his safe return. That safe return never came. We ALL had hopes that Josh would be found alive. When his body was found at the bottom of a 300 ft. cliff, it sent shock waves of disbelief, questions of "why now? why Josh" through hundreds of people.
I can think of few things that "rock" the soul of a believer more than unexpected tragedy. We all know that accidents happen, that isn't the issue. But it is one thing to KNOW that things happen, and yet quite another to experience that on a personal level. At one point in the Memorial, it was shared that Rand had a response to the comment: How do you deal with such a tragedy? He responded that if Josh DIDN'T know Christ, that would have been the real tragedy. What a courageous response from a father whose heart was breaking in two.
This service was powerful. It actually reminded me of another Memorial Service that we attended almost exactly a year ago - yet again another 21 year old christian young man that had died in a car accident. A young man engaged to be married. Josh's Memorial was a perfect blend of true worship to the Lord, in the midst of searing grief and human loss. Earlier in the afternoon, the family had already been present in a private ceremony where Josh's remains were laid to rest. The evening was reserved for family and friends to come together to remember Josh's life.
The sanctuary at New Life Church was full of pictures of Josh, surrounded by many of his personal things. His "scrubs" with the badge - "Otterbein Nursing Student", his well worn jeans, lots of pictures, pictures of him being kissed by little Anna, a large canvas picture of him pointing to his "No. 4" jersey from soccer, his guns, soccer balls, frisbee's, favorite books and old tennis shoes. It felt strange to be among his personal "stuff", but it also felt comforting to know that these things would comfort his family in the long days and weeks ahead. A small reminder of the Josh that was here on earth, who is presently in heaven.
Worship music filled the building as hundreds of people sang:
"Blessed be your name
in the land that is plentiful,
where the streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name,
on the road marked with suffering,
though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name."
Testimonies followed by those that knew and loved Josh most intimately. A letter read by dear, sweet little Anna, ending with "you were the best big brother ever, and I will miss you!" An older sister's tribute to her little brother, so eloquently put to words by her heartfelt love for him. A life long friend that had the privilege of being escourted to her prom by Josh (when her previous date suddenly cancelled). Grown young men, reduced to tears, cracking voices and quivering hands. Men that had funny stories about the adventurous Josh and also the prankster Josh. Serious paragraphs were read also, about how Josh's life showed the love of Christ in his everyday actions and words, and how these actions and words had served to challenge others in their walk with Christ. After each testimony, Shelley and Megan would rise from their seat to offer their quiet "thank you's" and give each contributor a long embrace. At the conclusion, Shelley couldn't keep herself back, and stood at the podium herself, Rand right at her side. She gave the final, unexpected tribute, when she said that she couldn't sit there and not tell us what a wonderful son Josh had been to her. She said that she was the luckiest mother alive - and that she would miss him everyday for the rest of her life. (She made me laugh when she said..."On mother's day, some of my friends would get a paragraph from their son, and Josh would write me three pages!" She barely made it through her tears, but at last admitted that a part of her had also died with him that day, and nothing would ever be the same. I don't believe there was a dry eye in the sanctuary, that literally held hundreds of people.
Another song was sung:
"I will rise, when he calls my name; no more sorrow, no more pain!
I will rise, on eagle's wings, before my God, fall on my knees, and rise...
I will rise."
As the song began to cresendo, it felt as it the Lord allowed each of us there a very brief, small view where Josh was now, where we would be some day:
"I hear the voice of many angels sing, Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the sound of many voices sing - WORTHY IS THE LAMB!"
It is the strangest thing to have human tears streaming down your face in grief,
and yet your soul rising to the heights of joy just THINKING about being with Him!
The place was perfectly quiet as a picture montage of Josh's life showed on two big screens at the front. What a sweet little boy he must have been! Pictures with family, with friends, being silly, being sporty. The last dozen or so photo's showed Josh and Rand on Sept. 5-6th on their hiking trip in Colorado. The scenery was indeed breath taking! One photo I will never forget, showed Josh at the top of a large cliff. His hands were outstretched and the sun was shining behind him as he stood there all alone - basking in the contentment of being in that rugged, beautiful place. Little did he know, little did anyone know, that that would be the last picture taken of him here on this earth. It was eerie and it was serene. The Lord knew that Josh would be with Him soon.
The evening closed as the family came forward and close friends and family encircled them as we prayed for their comfort that night and in the many long weeks ahead. Sobs broke the silence from time to time as the grief overflowed from one family member to the next. I appreciated those sobs, in a weird sort of way. When death comes and believers ONLY celebrate the life of the loved one who is now in heaven, it leaves me confused. What about the grief? What about the mourning? Isn't that a very real part of death, even for those of us who know that we possess Jesus, the resurrection and the life? Even Jesus wept. We can rejoice that our loved ones are in the presence of Jesus, but we can also wail and mourn that we no longer have them here with us on this earth. We grieve not for them, but for us.
I am reminded again of the berevity of life. Life is a fragile gift, each and every day. "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Ps. 90:12
Thank you, Joshua Gulvas, for living your short life to the fullest and for being a Christ follower that pointed others to Him. Thank you, Shelley, for being my random friend, and for the brief times we've been together to laugh and cry about "life". Thank you, dear Jesus, for the comfort that only you can give. Thank you for paying the price for our sins, that we may be made righteous in your sight. Thank you, dear Father, that someday all these trials will be behind us, and we will forever be in your presence!
Unfortunately, I never had the privilege of meeting this remarkable young man. I am friends with his mother, Shelley, and also know their daughter, Anna. We don't see each other very often, but we tend to pick right up where we left off. Shelley has a heart for the Lord that is intense, vibrant and contagious! When news came to me concerning Josh's situation in the Colorado wilderness, I was beyond shocked. He and his Dad, Rand, had only parted ways for a short time at the end of their hike. Josh never made it to the rendevous point, and from Tues. evening until Friday afternoon, his parents, family and friends lived through a nightmare that I personally cannot even imagine. Word went out via news, radio, cell phones and the internet. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of believers were all praying for his safe return. That safe return never came. We ALL had hopes that Josh would be found alive. When his body was found at the bottom of a 300 ft. cliff, it sent shock waves of disbelief, questions of "why now? why Josh" through hundreds of people.
I can think of few things that "rock" the soul of a believer more than unexpected tragedy. We all know that accidents happen, that isn't the issue. But it is one thing to KNOW that things happen, and yet quite another to experience that on a personal level. At one point in the Memorial, it was shared that Rand had a response to the comment: How do you deal with such a tragedy? He responded that if Josh DIDN'T know Christ, that would have been the real tragedy. What a courageous response from a father whose heart was breaking in two.
This service was powerful. It actually reminded me of another Memorial Service that we attended almost exactly a year ago - yet again another 21 year old christian young man that had died in a car accident. A young man engaged to be married. Josh's Memorial was a perfect blend of true worship to the Lord, in the midst of searing grief and human loss. Earlier in the afternoon, the family had already been present in a private ceremony where Josh's remains were laid to rest. The evening was reserved for family and friends to come together to remember Josh's life.
The sanctuary at New Life Church was full of pictures of Josh, surrounded by many of his personal things. His "scrubs" with the badge - "Otterbein Nursing Student", his well worn jeans, lots of pictures, pictures of him being kissed by little Anna, a large canvas picture of him pointing to his "No. 4" jersey from soccer, his guns, soccer balls, frisbee's, favorite books and old tennis shoes. It felt strange to be among his personal "stuff", but it also felt comforting to know that these things would comfort his family in the long days and weeks ahead. A small reminder of the Josh that was here on earth, who is presently in heaven.
Worship music filled the building as hundreds of people sang:
"Blessed be your name
in the land that is plentiful,
where the streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name,
on the road marked with suffering,
though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name."
Testimonies followed by those that knew and loved Josh most intimately. A letter read by dear, sweet little Anna, ending with "you were the best big brother ever, and I will miss you!" An older sister's tribute to her little brother, so eloquently put to words by her heartfelt love for him. A life long friend that had the privilege of being escourted to her prom by Josh (when her previous date suddenly cancelled). Grown young men, reduced to tears, cracking voices and quivering hands. Men that had funny stories about the adventurous Josh and also the prankster Josh. Serious paragraphs were read also, about how Josh's life showed the love of Christ in his everyday actions and words, and how these actions and words had served to challenge others in their walk with Christ. After each testimony, Shelley and Megan would rise from their seat to offer their quiet "thank you's" and give each contributor a long embrace. At the conclusion, Shelley couldn't keep herself back, and stood at the podium herself, Rand right at her side. She gave the final, unexpected tribute, when she said that she couldn't sit there and not tell us what a wonderful son Josh had been to her. She said that she was the luckiest mother alive - and that she would miss him everyday for the rest of her life. (She made me laugh when she said..."On mother's day, some of my friends would get a paragraph from their son, and Josh would write me three pages!" She barely made it through her tears, but at last admitted that a part of her had also died with him that day, and nothing would ever be the same. I don't believe there was a dry eye in the sanctuary, that literally held hundreds of people.
Another song was sung:
"I will rise, when he calls my name; no more sorrow, no more pain!
I will rise, on eagle's wings, before my God, fall on my knees, and rise...
I will rise."
As the song began to cresendo, it felt as it the Lord allowed each of us there a very brief, small view where Josh was now, where we would be some day:
"I hear the voice of many angels sing, Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the sound of many voices sing - WORTHY IS THE LAMB!"
It is the strangest thing to have human tears streaming down your face in grief,
and yet your soul rising to the heights of joy just THINKING about being with Him!
The place was perfectly quiet as a picture montage of Josh's life showed on two big screens at the front. What a sweet little boy he must have been! Pictures with family, with friends, being silly, being sporty. The last dozen or so photo's showed Josh and Rand on Sept. 5-6th on their hiking trip in Colorado. The scenery was indeed breath taking! One photo I will never forget, showed Josh at the top of a large cliff. His hands were outstretched and the sun was shining behind him as he stood there all alone - basking in the contentment of being in that rugged, beautiful place. Little did he know, little did anyone know, that that would be the last picture taken of him here on this earth. It was eerie and it was serene. The Lord knew that Josh would be with Him soon.
The evening closed as the family came forward and close friends and family encircled them as we prayed for their comfort that night and in the many long weeks ahead. Sobs broke the silence from time to time as the grief overflowed from one family member to the next. I appreciated those sobs, in a weird sort of way. When death comes and believers ONLY celebrate the life of the loved one who is now in heaven, it leaves me confused. What about the grief? What about the mourning? Isn't that a very real part of death, even for those of us who know that we possess Jesus, the resurrection and the life? Even Jesus wept. We can rejoice that our loved ones are in the presence of Jesus, but we can also wail and mourn that we no longer have them here with us on this earth. We grieve not for them, but for us.
I am reminded again of the berevity of life. Life is a fragile gift, each and every day. "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Ps. 90:12
Thank you, Joshua Gulvas, for living your short life to the fullest and for being a Christ follower that pointed others to Him. Thank you, Shelley, for being my random friend, and for the brief times we've been together to laugh and cry about "life". Thank you, dear Jesus, for the comfort that only you can give. Thank you for paying the price for our sins, that we may be made righteous in your sight. Thank you, dear Father, that someday all these trials will be behind us, and we will forever be in your presence!
Where did the Summer Go?
A few years ago, I remember thinking about life in terms of Seasons. Fall - a glorious time to enjoy the weather, prepare for the coming cold months. Winter - a sometimes long and hard season to get through with trials and barrenness. Spring - promise of hope as life emerges from the death of Winter - and last, but not least, Summer! A time to harvest, but also a time to play in the sun.
This summer has flown by. I jokingly turned my calendar back to July protesting the end of one of my favorite times. yea...like that is going to work. : )
My life, and the lives of my friends and family is a complex mix of "Seasons", all at the same time. For instance, Dan and I are in "summer" mode. Time to keep working, but it has also been a time to harvest and enjoy some of the fruits of our labor. By the grace of God, and many prayers I am sure - we recently refinanced the house! At 5.5%!!! It made every long hour of work that we've done on our home this year so worth it. Thank you so much Lord. It is one step closer to digging out of this pit that we've been in! Ps. 90 has been in my heart for so long:
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations...
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children." Vs. 1, 14-16
It's so exciting to see my kids reveling in their "Spring" seasons - homes remodeled and moved in to, the possibility of having babies of their own, the dreams and hopes of careers and futures. Even tonight, I had the chance to hug my niece and her husband, who are expecting a baby in May. They just suffered the loss of Shane's brother, Chad (on Aug. 20) and out of the BLUE found out they were expecting! This little life was conceived close to the time of Chad's death. Hugging Shane tonight I said: "Congratulations! (on the new baby) "I'm so sorry for your loss". It's wierd when the Seasons overlap. Just like the transition between Winter and Spring, you don't know whether to wear a warm coat or a spring jacket. Sometimes we don't know if we'll be laughing that day, or crying.
Some of my friends are in the dead of "Winter". Trial upon trial - financial stress, illness, leukemia, death. Winter can be so long! Even in the physical realm, Feb. is one of the hardest months for me to endure. It seems that the ice will never go away, that the sun will never shine again. But then...Spring bursts forth. In such a small way, it displays the faithfulness of the Lord. Just as He brings the seasons each year, so He brings constant change into our world - change that is ultimately for our good, and His glory.
I'm thankful for my life and the everyday reminders the Lord sends my way. I'm thankful for the cold, (sometimes) unrelenting Winter seasons in my life, because without them, I could never appreciate the warm and gentle breezes, or the tiny budding flowers of Spring. I'm thankful that He has allowed our Summer seasons to spill into Fall. I'm thankful for hard work, great play and the brilliant blue skies of Fall that constantly point me to my creator.
Whatever "Season" you are in, rest assured that God is faithful to see you through this one and into the next.
This summer has flown by. I jokingly turned my calendar back to July protesting the end of one of my favorite times. yea...like that is going to work. : )
My life, and the lives of my friends and family is a complex mix of "Seasons", all at the same time. For instance, Dan and I are in "summer" mode. Time to keep working, but it has also been a time to harvest and enjoy some of the fruits of our labor. By the grace of God, and many prayers I am sure - we recently refinanced the house! At 5.5%!!! It made every long hour of work that we've done on our home this year so worth it. Thank you so much Lord. It is one step closer to digging out of this pit that we've been in! Ps. 90 has been in my heart for so long:
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations...
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children." Vs. 1, 14-16
It's so exciting to see my kids reveling in their "Spring" seasons - homes remodeled and moved in to, the possibility of having babies of their own, the dreams and hopes of careers and futures. Even tonight, I had the chance to hug my niece and her husband, who are expecting a baby in May. They just suffered the loss of Shane's brother, Chad (on Aug. 20) and out of the BLUE found out they were expecting! This little life was conceived close to the time of Chad's death. Hugging Shane tonight I said: "Congratulations! (on the new baby) "I'm so sorry for your loss". It's wierd when the Seasons overlap. Just like the transition between Winter and Spring, you don't know whether to wear a warm coat or a spring jacket. Sometimes we don't know if we'll be laughing that day, or crying.
Some of my friends are in the dead of "Winter". Trial upon trial - financial stress, illness, leukemia, death. Winter can be so long! Even in the physical realm, Feb. is one of the hardest months for me to endure. It seems that the ice will never go away, that the sun will never shine again. But then...Spring bursts forth. In such a small way, it displays the faithfulness of the Lord. Just as He brings the seasons each year, so He brings constant change into our world - change that is ultimately for our good, and His glory.
I'm thankful for my life and the everyday reminders the Lord sends my way. I'm thankful for the cold, (sometimes) unrelenting Winter seasons in my life, because without them, I could never appreciate the warm and gentle breezes, or the tiny budding flowers of Spring. I'm thankful that He has allowed our Summer seasons to spill into Fall. I'm thankful for hard work, great play and the brilliant blue skies of Fall that constantly point me to my creator.
Whatever "Season" you are in, rest assured that God is faithful to see you through this one and into the next.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Life and Living
Well..it's been a while, again.
Since the last time I wrote, we've had a flurry again of activity - mostly good! I am happy to report that Nathanael and Jen AND Caleb and Amy are new home owners! I'm so proud of them. It was fun to watch them work so hard to accomplish their goals. More about all that later...
I'll start with today, and then move backwards through the past four months.
Today...
I'll describe it in adjectives that I am feeling. Tiring, Fulfilling, Challenging, Trying, Puzzling, Over-whelming, Extremely satisfying, Oh, so full of Joy.
Confused? me too. I have been stretched in my faith yet again and drawn closer to the Lord as I've learned to live with more unanswered questions.
In the mundane - we're still remodeling!!! I don't know why we can't finish it! Thankfully, Adam Thomas (Sophia's Dad) has been available for hire, and he is an expert craftsman that has helped us a great deal. I think that good old fashioned fatigue has hit Dan and I in between the eyes.
It's been an interesting summer thus far. The raccoons, I mean, the boys - are still living in the basement! Tonight one of them is in Granville playing tennis or volleyball, which has become a common excursion these past few weeks. We're on completely different schedules (I am a morning person, they are night people - you know, like raccoons. : ) Overall - it has been very good having them home. I have missed my man-boys.
Dan is still doing well with his business endeavors - thank you Lord!!! He's busy and tired, but we have committed to "finding each other" when our lives slow down a bit. I am, as usual, behind on many fronts. I still haven't finished school and we need to have our evaluations completed. Oh, the never ending lists. We home schoolers have a favorite saying: "well...there's always NEXT year!" We joke about how we keep striving for that optimum home school year! I think it is an illusion.
Church? good. Family? good. Friends? mostly good. still some major trials for some. (Relay for Hope is tomorrow for Sophia! Also - please pray for our friends the Winklers. Their daughter, Paula, was diagnosed with A.M.L. Leukemia just a few weeks ago. Paula (17 yr.) and Sophia (17 mo.) are on the same floor and have met each other!
My weight/health? not so good. Again - "there's always NEXT year!" It's an illusion.
Well, this is a lot about nothing, but it has given me time to exercise my brain.
I have been so blessed to be in Psalm 90 lately. God has truly restored so much of what has been lost for us - I can never praise Him enough.
Good night, moon. Good night, stars. good night everyone.
Since the last time I wrote, we've had a flurry again of activity - mostly good! I am happy to report that Nathanael and Jen AND Caleb and Amy are new home owners! I'm so proud of them. It was fun to watch them work so hard to accomplish their goals. More about all that later...
I'll start with today, and then move backwards through the past four months.
Today...
I'll describe it in adjectives that I am feeling. Tiring, Fulfilling, Challenging, Trying, Puzzling, Over-whelming, Extremely satisfying, Oh, so full of Joy.
Confused? me too. I have been stretched in my faith yet again and drawn closer to the Lord as I've learned to live with more unanswered questions.
In the mundane - we're still remodeling!!! I don't know why we can't finish it! Thankfully, Adam Thomas (Sophia's Dad) has been available for hire, and he is an expert craftsman that has helped us a great deal. I think that good old fashioned fatigue has hit Dan and I in between the eyes.
It's been an interesting summer thus far. The raccoons, I mean, the boys - are still living in the basement! Tonight one of them is in Granville playing tennis or volleyball, which has become a common excursion these past few weeks. We're on completely different schedules (I am a morning person, they are night people - you know, like raccoons. : ) Overall - it has been very good having them home. I have missed my man-boys.
Dan is still doing well with his business endeavors - thank you Lord!!! He's busy and tired, but we have committed to "finding each other" when our lives slow down a bit. I am, as usual, behind on many fronts. I still haven't finished school and we need to have our evaluations completed. Oh, the never ending lists. We home schoolers have a favorite saying: "well...there's always NEXT year!" We joke about how we keep striving for that optimum home school year! I think it is an illusion.
Church? good. Family? good. Friends? mostly good. still some major trials for some. (Relay for Hope is tomorrow for Sophia! Also - please pray for our friends the Winklers. Their daughter, Paula, was diagnosed with A.M.L. Leukemia just a few weeks ago. Paula (17 yr.) and Sophia (17 mo.) are on the same floor and have met each other!
My weight/health? not so good. Again - "there's always NEXT year!" It's an illusion.
Well, this is a lot about nothing, but it has given me time to exercise my brain.
I have been so blessed to be in Psalm 90 lately. God has truly restored so much of what has been lost for us - I can never praise Him enough.
Good night, moon. Good night, stars. good night everyone.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Heartaches and Homecomings....
Forgive me, but I'll tell you in advance I can hardly put together a coherent sentence tonight. I've had a full heart, overflowing with some heartache, some joy. I don't know who said this, but I think of it alot: "Life for the believer is a daily walk of sorrow and joy existing on parallel planes."
Joyful things:
1. Seth is home from Colorado! Yea. We're all so glad to have him home. Dan and I were actually enroute to home from our four day business trip to Mississippi when Seth (traveling in Mo.) called us. The conversation was so "seth" ...
"Hey Mommer, how are you?"
"Great Seth, I was just about to call you! How are you?"
"Fine, fine. Where are you?"
"We're just east of Columbus...almost home! Where are you?"
"I'm in Missouri. But right now, I'm on the side of the road because a semi just hit me."
"WHAT???"
He proceeded to tell us the story (mean, mean truck driver) which was a "hit and run" (meaning - Seth is going to have to pay for the damage to his car - no collision insurance). But I am JOYFUL because he wasn't injured, except for his wallet and an inconvient stay in Mo., and he is home.
2. Our married kids are looking at houses! oh, how I remember how exciting it was purchasing our first home. I'm so excited for them.
3. Dan is in negotiations for his third project in Mississippi. His current project will provide income for us until December, so we are hoping there is another one on the horizon soon!
4. Our remodeling is almost done! Can somebody say "AMEN!" I'm so tired.
5. Everyday joys: laughing with Michaela about my facebook quiz: "How many kids should you have?" Oops...my answer came up two or three! We laughed about loading up kids 4 - 8 and taking them back to the hospital. "What are you doing here?" "Well...my facebook quiz said I wasn't supposed to have these guys."
Listening to Moke play our new (used) digital piano! It has a beautiful sound - I am so thankful to have music in the house again! Watching Seth pay Michaela a dollar to scratch his back, taking Danielle to Columbus State (yes - we got lost), sorting through her growing-up pictures for her upcoming graduation, laughing with Jen and Danielle at the bar (you wouldn't believe what we were talking about!) ... these and so many other sweet memories. I wish I could tuck them all away and pull them out in vivid detail when I want to remember these moments.
Heartache things:
1. Please pray for the family of Shawn - a 21 yr. old that shot and killed himself on Wed. night. It is a heart wrenching story - as far as anyone knows - he did not know the Lord. But we all hang on to hope. Nathanael and Zac trained with him, and the Goodwin family knew him much better. Ryan was in the parking lot of Shawn's apartment when he ended his life. Please pray for his family, for his friends and especially his 19 year old sister. She found out recently that she has a heart condition that may cause her life to end in less than a year. I can't wrap my brain around this one at all. I know that God is merciful, full of compassion - I just felt like someone punched me in the stomach when I heard this news.
2. This is kind of a joy/heartache: First, I was able to spend time with Sophia last week! She, as always, melts my heart with her sweet smiles and waves. She was also able to be home for three days with her family inbetween her chemo. this time. She is once again back in Children's, and is having alot of pain and side effects. She has fractured two of her fingers also. Please keep praying for this little warrior! I can barely talk about her without tearing up. She is so precious. Ginger and Adam will forever be in my book as my hero's of the faith. They are remaining so strong through all this. I pray little Sophia can be home, healed and whole. May/June is still the target time.
3. My friend Linda is still grieving the loss of her Mom. It hurts me to see her hurt, and yet I know that death is a part of life for all of us. Jen's cousins are still in extrememe pain over the loss of their little son. Death is so brutal and so final - and yet it ushers those of us that believe into the very presense of our Lord. Joy/Sorrow - running on parallel planes.
I flipped open my Bible to Isaiah this morning as I am always drawn there during this holy season of remembering Jesus death and resurrection. I will close with a random assortment of verses that spoke comfort, hope and peace to me:
"You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat." (25:4)
"You will keep him in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." (26:3)
"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." (33:2)
"He tends his flock like a shepherd; he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (40:11)
(I thought of Ginger/Sophia and April/Malachi)
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." (8)
Amen.
Joyful things:
1. Seth is home from Colorado! Yea. We're all so glad to have him home. Dan and I were actually enroute to home from our four day business trip to Mississippi when Seth (traveling in Mo.) called us. The conversation was so "seth" ...
"Hey Mommer, how are you?"
"Great Seth, I was just about to call you! How are you?"
"Fine, fine. Where are you?"
"We're just east of Columbus...almost home! Where are you?"
"I'm in Missouri. But right now, I'm on the side of the road because a semi just hit me."
"WHAT???"
He proceeded to tell us the story (mean, mean truck driver) which was a "hit and run" (meaning - Seth is going to have to pay for the damage to his car - no collision insurance). But I am JOYFUL because he wasn't injured, except for his wallet and an inconvient stay in Mo., and he is home.
2. Our married kids are looking at houses! oh, how I remember how exciting it was purchasing our first home. I'm so excited for them.
3. Dan is in negotiations for his third project in Mississippi. His current project will provide income for us until December, so we are hoping there is another one on the horizon soon!
4. Our remodeling is almost done! Can somebody say "AMEN!" I'm so tired.
5. Everyday joys: laughing with Michaela about my facebook quiz: "How many kids should you have?" Oops...my answer came up two or three! We laughed about loading up kids 4 - 8 and taking them back to the hospital. "What are you doing here?" "Well...my facebook quiz said I wasn't supposed to have these guys."
Listening to Moke play our new (used) digital piano! It has a beautiful sound - I am so thankful to have music in the house again! Watching Seth pay Michaela a dollar to scratch his back, taking Danielle to Columbus State (yes - we got lost), sorting through her growing-up pictures for her upcoming graduation, laughing with Jen and Danielle at the bar (you wouldn't believe what we were talking about!) ... these and so many other sweet memories. I wish I could tuck them all away and pull them out in vivid detail when I want to remember these moments.
Heartache things:
1. Please pray for the family of Shawn - a 21 yr. old that shot and killed himself on Wed. night. It is a heart wrenching story - as far as anyone knows - he did not know the Lord. But we all hang on to hope. Nathanael and Zac trained with him, and the Goodwin family knew him much better. Ryan was in the parking lot of Shawn's apartment when he ended his life. Please pray for his family, for his friends and especially his 19 year old sister. She found out recently that she has a heart condition that may cause her life to end in less than a year. I can't wrap my brain around this one at all. I know that God is merciful, full of compassion - I just felt like someone punched me in the stomach when I heard this news.
2. This is kind of a joy/heartache: First, I was able to spend time with Sophia last week! She, as always, melts my heart with her sweet smiles and waves. She was also able to be home for three days with her family inbetween her chemo. this time. She is once again back in Children's, and is having alot of pain and side effects. She has fractured two of her fingers also. Please keep praying for this little warrior! I can barely talk about her without tearing up. She is so precious. Ginger and Adam will forever be in my book as my hero's of the faith. They are remaining so strong through all this. I pray little Sophia can be home, healed and whole. May/June is still the target time.
3. My friend Linda is still grieving the loss of her Mom. It hurts me to see her hurt, and yet I know that death is a part of life for all of us. Jen's cousins are still in extrememe pain over the loss of their little son. Death is so brutal and so final - and yet it ushers those of us that believe into the very presense of our Lord. Joy/Sorrow - running on parallel planes.
I flipped open my Bible to Isaiah this morning as I am always drawn there during this holy season of remembering Jesus death and resurrection. I will close with a random assortment of verses that spoke comfort, hope and peace to me:
"You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat." (25:4)
"You will keep him in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." (26:3)
"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." (33:2)
"He tends his flock like a shepherd; he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (40:11)
(I thought of Ginger/Sophia and April/Malachi)
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." (8)
Amen.
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