thoughts put to words

Promotions.

2010-08-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

(The following is a post that I began on my birthday a few weeks ago. I was distracted after I took a long bike ride, and didn't finish it. So...here it is - as often is the case - with my thoughts all over the place.)

If my memory serves me correctly, I will be celebrating my 49th birthday today! Happy Birthday to me. One year closer to seeing Jesus!
Yesterday, Malachi Preston, (aka - our dear little "fella") survived an invasive 8 hr. open heart surgery. I felt like I was holding my breath until I received Amy's text at 4:30 p.m. "He is all done with the surgery and they are closing him up. His heart is beating on its own! He is doing well despite having surgery. We may be able to see him in an hour or so. thanks for praying." Beating on its own. It's a miracle.
For some in the past few years, their miracle didn't come. It may seem strange, but in the past few days I've let my mind linger on the thoughts of those that have gone to heaven ahead of me. Especially those in the past four years: Dad, Krimson Hughey (24), Faith Thomas (6 weeks), Mammie (68 yr.), Jen's cousin, Corey (4 yr.) Jason Mansfield (22 yr.), Josh Gulvas (22), Sean (Funnel's boss - 22?), Chad Finnley (29), Ben Davis (29), Ryan Hickey (25), Kekeli Ayivor (4) and also my dear, Titus two friend, Vicky (58 yr. old) So many of those young men left this earth in the prime of their lives. Soon to join them (unless God intervenes) will be Sam Bish (9).

The dream weeks ago, about Keke, was such a gift to me from the Lord to remind me that heaven is a REALITY! We say it all the time, but it was like an "Aha" moment for me again. How wonderful it will be. In the midst of deep, searing grief, our souls can find hope and joy in what is to come.

As sad as it is for the families left here, the pain of this life is over for these loved ones. Someone once said that thru the pain of losing those that we love, we get a glimpse into the reality of heaven. I find much comfort in that today. Life is fragile, and it is temporary. These dear ones, loved by the Lord, were promoted.
It is good to walk with the Lord, thru the joys and sorrows of today.

Much Ado About Nothing

2010-07-10T19:21:00.000-07:00

It has been weeks since I have been on here. Weeks since I have even thought about writing again. Everything has been happening. Nothing has been happening. "Much Ado about Nothing". (I know the book isn't about this subject, I just like the title).
Since I last wrote:
Several new babies have entered this world - Yea! I just love babies. It is new life at its' very finest hour! Welcome to our world: Tyler Fineley, Kaleb Thomas, Deacon Ericson and Maxwell Matney! Little babies - will be boys - will be men.

One little soul departed to his eternal home with Jesus. A funeral with a little, white casket is unnerving. Kekeli Ayivor left his mark on this world and I know that his life path certainly altered mine. Shortly after his funeral, I had a really vivid dream about him. Heaven was my home and I was walking around (that sounds so funny!) just being happy. All of a sudden, I saw this tall, handsome brown person walking toward me, with a smile as wide as his face. As he approached me, he held his hand out as he exclaimed quite loudly - "I'm Kekeli!" We embraced and then I woke up. Every time another one that I have known enters heaven, it makes it all the more REAL to me. I look forward to meeting Keke someday.

Currently, I am reading a book called "Becoming the Woman I Want to Be" by Donna Partow. I often misplace books and forget to finish them, so it is like finding a treasure when they turn up in an unexpected place. I had started this one twice before, and judging by the dates I jotted along the margins, I was struggling and rejoicing over some of the same things that I am today!

Part of the focus of the book is to become a woman that is thankful. I am taking that focus to heart and I am in the process of mentally listing things I am thankful for everyday. Here are my top ten for this day:
1. Summer breaks. Our Yellar is home from Boyce College and Michaela and Jon-Mark have finished their end of the year school tests. It's "officially" summer!
2. Our cat Gunner. He has become one of our favorite pets of all times. He is full of personality and so affectionate. I'm so glad I picked out a great Christmas present for Dan!
3. Logos Bible Church. The Pastors, the people, the things that I'm learning.
4. Impromptu Dates. Dan surprised me with a delightful one a few days ago! Not knowing where we were going, I dressed up (dress, heels, shawl). We went to Cap City Diner (crab bisque - need I say more?) and then to the theatre to see "Toy Story 3" in 3D! This was my first 3D experience. It was fantastic! We shared the theatre with 4 other people and I splurged and bought popcorn. Great movie! Great buddy.
5. Our Older Children. They make me laugh! (and cry sometimes).
6. Our Younger Children. They make me laugh! (and cry sometimes).
7. Our check balance. For the second year in a row, I have consistently had the funds necessary to pay our bills. THANK YOU GOD! If you haven't had the necessary funds available, you may not understand how wonderful this is!
8. Our new friends. Charles and Bernice, Adam and Ginger. You guys have blessed us with your lives, your laughter, your tears and your transparency.
9. Our pool. It has been in the 90's lately. Need I say more?
10. My bike. I have been out riding 8 times now. I'm riding between 5 - 11 miles either with Dan or Danielle. I love it!

Well, that's about it.
Wait, there is one more. I am thankful for this quote that was sent to me years ago:
"Love God and Do whatever you like". St. Augustine. I figure, if I am loving God, I will be loving the things He loves. If I love the things He loves (people, truth, character, etc.) then I will naturally learn to walk in a way that is uncluttered by rules and regulations. My heart motivation will be to live my life to the best of my ability and look forward to the day I'll be with Jesus forever.

"I thought I was the one with all the answers..."

2010-03-14T11:53:00.001-07:00

"...turns out, I'm the one with all the questions."

Quite a story goes with the quote above from a very dear friend of mine. She grew up as a Pastor's child, had what most would refer to as a "good quality life": a college education, a man that loved her and became her husband, followed by the blessing of three children. One night it all changed, as a mangled automobile became the place that her husband died. Of the three children that were with him, one was not expected to survive his injuries. But praise God, in the midst of such terrible tragedy, he did.

When life "blind-sides" us, much as the term refers to in a car accident, suddenly I think we can all relate to her quote. It's easy to think that we have things all figured out, until we come face to face with tragedy or unexplainable circumstances that threaten to unravel us to the core. The advice that we can so quickly spout off to a friend can be true, but why is it so difficult for us to apply these truths to ourselves when we're in the middle of a trial? You know some of them: "just trust God!" or "we all know that this is going to turn out for good", or "I know you'll be stronger through this trial". As another girlfriend of mine jokingly said, "I have plenty of faith for your trial, why is it I don't the the same faith for mine?" I think these are really good things to think about.

I'll add more to this line of thinking later. Today, I'm concentrating my focus on the one that truly does have all the answers, and it isn't me.

"Therefore, We Do Not Lose Heart."

2010-02-10T16:39:00.000-08:00

"Therefore, we do not lose heart." period.
It is Wednsday afternoon, 2/10/10.
As I was cleaning out my kitchen cabinet today, I found a treasure that I had forgotten about - a can of Italian Wedding Soup that I had purchased for myself and hidden away. I'm enjoying every bite of it right now as I sit and listen to another gem I found this week, my CD of Hymns produced by "Haven of Rest". Both of these are so soothing to my soul.
It's been a long day. I've been on the phone with Jim, spent time on the internet trying to find airline tickets to Nashville, plus submitted a story on Charles and Bernice to the Columbus Dispatch. (side note: I just found out that my arrival time and that of the twins coming from Ghana, is at the same time on Sunday night! I may finally get to hold those sweet babies!)
I chose to eat my wedding soup tonight in honor of my beloved friend Vicky, who I believe will be with her bridegroom tonight, or very soon. I can't believe the events of the past few days. The healing that we have all prayed for may not happen here - but rather in heaven. Bitter-sweet. For the first time yesterday, I allowed my mind to visit a place I had refused to go earlier. My friend may soon be with Jesus! I'm a mix of crying tears of joy and tears of sadness.

So many pleasant memories have flooded my heart these past few weeks. She, my Titus Two Woman, would never cease to smile when she saw me. She affectionately called me "Sweetie pie" or "honey bunny". She has given me advice on all kinds of things: herbs, decorating, home-schooling, parenting, being a dauther, mother, wife; but most of all, encouragement on how to be a believer in Christ. She led by example.

Why does Paul write to the Corinthian believers and tell them not to lose heart? In the previous verses he explains: (4:7 - 10)
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."

Vicky's "jar of clay" is almost unrecognizable as the Vicky I've known. I haven't been with her since mid-December, and even then, it was hard to comprehend what the cancer had done to her body. Another family friend is by her bedside now, and said that it is hard to believe what devastation she has endured. Nathan took a pic of her with a freshly, bathed Scarlett sleeping next to her in the hospice room, but Jim said it would not be posted for other's to see.

I'm so thankful that we can fully trust our Lord.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." II Cor. 4:16-18

2/11/10
The sun is starting to rise over the blanket of white snow that is almost blinding.
It is now hours later....I'm still waiting to hear..is Vicky with the Lord yet?
I was wide awake at 5:23 a.m. this morning. I think many of us are now begging the Lord to take our friend home, to indeed give her relief from her distress.
"Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer.." Ps. 4:1

In the midst of our darkest times, it comforts me immensely that the day and night are the same to God. He is as close as the air that we breathe. As I was thinking of Vicky last night, memories of being with my brother as he died entered my mind. Death, it seems to me, is parallel to birth in so many ways. Like a women entering transition as she prepares to give birth to her baby, so it seems that those that are leaving this earth are also intermingled physically and spiritually in a transition. One's mind and spirit must focus on where they are going - what lies ahead. I know that Jim and Kermit (Nathan) had intentions of verbally telling her that it was o.k. to go now...that they would be fine. I think Jim said that he was going to tell her it was up to her and Jesus.

In the meantime - those of us here confined by human bodies and time go through the motions of life as best we can. I feel anxious, nervous and sad - but on the other end of the spectrum, I am SO excited for her, I can hardly stand it! As Paul reminds us in II Cor. 2:9, "However, as it is written; 'What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived - these things God has prepared for those who love Him'".

2/11/10 Evening
As I was making last minute preparations before bed, I received the phone call I was anxiously anticipating, yet still dreading. "She went home to be with the Lord about 10 minutes ago. She is with Jesus now, her suffering is over." Jim's voice quivered, and then became strong. I thought of the verse I had been quoting in my mind so many times today:
"To be absent with the body, is to be present with the Lord."
Dear Jesus - she is with you!

2/12/10
After talking with Jim last night, it was decided that I would see if I could post-pone my flight until Sat. morning, so Jim and Kermit could get some rest, and begin to grieve in privacy. It couldn't have been any easier: a click here, a deleting there, and my flight was changed and I was issued a $40 credit! Thanks, Lord - He has a way of helping me when I'm so indecisive.
I'm still numb today. I finally was able to sit down and write a brief note about her on my facebook account. So many of my friends have faithfully prayed for her! I wanted to share with them what a wonderful friend she was. Here is my note:

In Memory of my friend Vicky ~
As I was packing my suitcase last night, anticipating my early flight this morning - my dear friend Vicky took her final flight to heaven. She passed from this life to the next peacefully with Jim and Nathan in the room with her. Although I am heavy hearted with many others right now, I am equally as happy knowing that her battle is over that she is face to face with her blessed Savior!

I used to call her my "titus two friend" and she affectionately called me "honey bunny" or "sweetie pie". She taught me important and serious spiritual truths as well as modeling for me beauty in the everyday: how it was important to have fresh flowers occasionally (even if we couldn't afford it) or how to redecorate a room by rearranging things and adding a few new pillows plus an inexpensive vase. Vicky Sue was the perfect southern belle! She always had time for me and would be the most gracious host, even if the kids and I dropped by unexpectedly. She answered hard questions, but wasn't afraid to say that it was o.k. to live with unanswered ones too. Whenever we would get together with the her family (Vicky, Jim and Nathan,who we affectionately named "Kermit") there would always be laughter. I will miss that laugh. More than anything, I think she showed me what a woman of faith looked like. Especially in the last year few years of her life, I observed a woman clinging to God in the midst of so many losses - her mother, her home to a fire, and eventually her health. I've learned so much from her and will miss her terribly.

Our loss is heaven's gain - so the saying goes, and I believe it is true. When I think of her, I honestly think of so many passages of Scripture - but the one that comforts and inspires me most today is found in Philippians 3:12 - 14. It's as if I can hear her voice in Paul's words before she left:
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

You did press on, dear friend, and you have now received the prize! I praise God for your life!

2/13/10
I've decided to journal another day or two, before I post this entire entry. I'm working through the grief process like so many others at this time. I'll be leaving soon for the airport. I only slept about 2-3 hrs. last night...not sure why. This is a trip that will be good and yet hard.

Evening...
Made it! Scarlett (Vicky's sweet puppy) and I are sitting here finishing the Chipotle Kermit bought me for dinner. Jim and Kermit made it to church, which I think will be awesome for them. Because of Vicky's illness, Jim has been unable to attend for months. I think the guys are doing really well. Jim alternates between laughing and crying, which I think is healthy. He has recounted to me some of the painful moments in her last weeks of life. I can't believe I haven't shed a tear here (I think I'm all cried out.) When I was here in December, helping to care for her, it was so hard. She was in so much pain then. I'm so relieved she's with Jesus! He really has conquered the grave! Praise Him, someday the pain of this life will all be over.

I am reminded of her everywhere here ~ the decorating, her pantry staples that I organized for the guys (she introduced me to Almond butter - yum!), her stack of books and her beloved Bible. I held it close and thanked her for being such a wonderful, godly friend to me. Seeing her glasses touched me too as I pondered how Vicky saw the world. She tried to find beauty in so many things! Jim and I picked out an outfit for her to be buried in, which will be Tuesday. They found a small cemetary close by, and she will be buried without chemicals (embalming - I told him, is optional). I like that - it so fits her natural bent! He also told me that he is going to use a photo of her in her wedding gown, to be placed over the casket. What a wonderful idea - Vicky meeting her bridegroom! We must have been on the same page - remember me eating that Italian wedding soup? ; )
I'm so blessed to be here. It is a wonderful way to say good-bye to her. I will miss you, dear Titus-two friend, but will be with you again.

So This is What Love Is...

2010-02-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

This Valentine's Day may turn out to be one of the sweetest I have ever experienced.

If all goes well, twins Elikem and Selikem (age 2) from Ghana, Africa, will board a plane in Accra and travel with a family friend to the bitter cold temperatures and twenty inches of snow in Columbus, Ohio. They will be here for one purpose, to finally be united with their family around the bedside of their dying 4 year old brother, currently being cared for in Children's Hospital.

Looking back two months ago, I had no idea the impact that this little family would have on my life. Back in November, I was immersed in the details of two other family friends that were also spending much time in Children's Hospital. Sophia Hope, who turned 2 just yesterday, has been battling leukemia since she was 9 months old. Another cancer fighter joined the place in August of this year, 17 year old Paula Winkler. She was anticipating a missions trip to Brazil with her family and unexpectedly found herself in the hospital beginning months of chemotherapy, also for leukemia. It was tragedy and hope that brought all these families together. Somehow, my family still healthy and intact, was blessed immeasurably as I became a part of all their lives.

Bernice and Charles Ayivor were also going about their normal lives in Accra, Ghana in the month of July. Their four year old son, Kekelia, came home from his last day of school with an unexpected and unusual problem; he was having trouble walking. Soon, his speech began to slur and his parents hearts began to sink. What could possibly be wrong with their active, vivacious little boy? No one could have anticipated what the next three months would hold for this young family. Keke would be admitted to a hospital in Accra with the diagnosis of a brain tumor. During the days, Bernice, now several months pregnant with their four child, would stay by his bedside as he suffered the effects of the tumor. For three months, she barely saw her then 18 month old twins. During the night, Charles would stay by his bedside in a modest, blue chair, often catching only a few minutes of sleep as he would lay his head on the foot of his son's bed. Keke shared a room with many patients, and so quiet and sleep was hard to come by.

Bernice's Father resides in Columbus, Ohio and works for O.S.U. Perhaps a Doctor in Children's Hospital would have the skills and necessary facility to help cure Keke? The little family made the agonizing decision of sending Bernice, Keke and his Dr. (who would return to Ghana immediately after the flight) in the hopes of finding a cure. Bernice, now less than two months from her due date with her new baby, would find the strength to stay at her son's bedside, and her beloved husband Charles, would continue to work as he could and care for their twins, or "tweenies", as they are lovingly called. The family was separated by an entire ocean - but did it all for the love they had for their Kekelia. Hope was high that a surgery could be performed, Keke recover, and Bernice fly home with him before the new Ayivor came.

Hope turned into saddness, as this young boy was placed in hospice care at Children's almost immediately. There was no surgery, no procedure, nothing that the Doctors here in the states could offer the heart broken family. From Oct. 31 until Dec. 14th, Bernice, and her father, hoped for the best at Keke's bedside. On Dec. 14th, little Klenam Ayivor made his entrance into this world - far from his natural homeland and his father, and twin siblings. Back home, visa's were applied for - by Charles and the twins. Charles arrived in Port Columbus on Christmas Day. He came and faced instant joy and sorrow as he met his newborn son for the first time, only minutes later to be at the bedside of his beloved and terminally ill son.

During those difficult days at Children's, Bernice found comfort and friendship with another family - Paula Winkler's family. It wasn't long before Tammy had placed Bernice's story on her caringbridge website - so other people could pray for these brothers and sisters in Christ that were so far from their home. And that is where I came in...first to correspond with Bernice via e-mail, then phone calls, and finally with a hug as we met for the first time. We marveled at how hope and tragedy came together to intertwine new friendships and bonds that will most likely, last a lifetime.

I have kept every message and e-mail from Bernice and Charles because I never want to forget this family, even when they return to their warm home in Accra. Our hearts have become bonded together first and formost, through our shared faith in Christ. I have been inspired by their strength and absolute refusal to complain, even though it seems they have a reason or two to do so at this time. They have shared their faith, their lives, their testimony and their hopes with us. We have typically had lunch together at the Ronald McDonald house on Fridays as I bring "Panda Express" in for all of us to enjoy. We've laughed over the cultural differences. (One day in November, very seriously, Bernice asked Tammy and I: "I must ask you a question: How long does this Winter last?" Tammy and I hated to break the news to her that our cold winter months were just beginning! I hadn't thought about the fact that they were unaccustomed to cold temperatures, let alone 20 inches of snow on the ground.) We've also become "facebook friends", and through that avenue, I've introduced her to many of my friends. Tammy has orchestrated a Baby Shower to be held for baby Klenam (recently rescheduled because of the inclement Ohio weather). We have come very close to crying together as we have pondered the outcome for Keke, if God does not choose to heal him. We have shared our mother's hearts and I have grown to love this beautiful woman as if I've known her my whole life. I am amazed at how quickly women, living lives thousands of miles apart, can have so much in common. On our last trip in, I gave her a turquise necklace and matching ear rings to remember me by when she returns home.

Today, a new crisis has arisen. 911 was called for Bernice yesterday to transport her to Grant Hospital, where she called me from today. Her rheumatism became so severe that the pain was out of control. I am praying that she is resting peacefully tonight, and that Charles is able to care for his newborn son with so many other responsibilities pressing on him.

In all of this, they have never complained. Charles said something like this: "I would have never chosen this trial for my family, but had it not occured, I would never have known the provision and kindness of God in our dire situation". It has been joyful to observe the body of Christ come together to help care for their physical and financial needs. It has been inspiring to observe the outstanding care that Keke is receiving at Children's Hospital. It has been heart warming to visit them at the Volunteer run McDonald Home, which has been their wonderful home, away from home.

As Charles and Bernice face their uncertain future here in the States, I can only imagine what must be running through their minds, especially in the middle of the night when they cannot sleep. Will their jobs still be there when they return? Bernice, an expert in three languages, has a job with the Government. Charles is a gifted artisian that creates and makes beautiful, custom leather sandles and shoes. We were delighted to see pictures of at least 50 of his creations! Months ago, he was employing eight workers as he ran one of the three custom shoe shops in Accra. He is now down to one employee. Hope is placed in God to help them daily, to provide for their physical and financial needs here, and that someday their life will be restored to some assemblence of normal once they return to their home in Africa. Everytime I am with them, our conversation always returns to their gratefulness - to God, to this kind country and to the body of Christ here in Central Ohio. I will never look at my "difficult" circumstances the same.

Just this past week, many of us were on the phone trying to make an appeal concerning a problem with the twins visa being denied (a long story - so thankful to report it was finally resolved). Resuming my normal school activities last Tuesday, I was reviewing some of the Ohio facts for my daughter. I came across our state motto: "With God, All things are possible". I wrote to Bernice that night and told her of our state motto, and my firm belief that she and her family were temporary Ohioians for a purpose. As I read her reply via e-mail that night, I could hear her beautiful African accent as she proclaimed: "I love it! Yes, we KNOW that with God, ALL things are possible."

Perhaps on Valentines Day this year, we'll see with our own eyes the reuniting of a family seperated by miles, but never by love.

The Character of God

2010-01-19T06:31:00.000-08:00

There is no way that any mere mortal can begin to write about the character of God with any accuracy. I would only like to say that in the midst of trying times, it brings me great comfort to think often about His character, and less about the circumstances with which I, my friends, family or other humans around the world are dealing with.
Vividly I remember the Tsunami that claimed the lives of 29,000 people about six years ago. I am not sure why, but that event really broke my heart. We knew some college students that lived in that area, and one young woman was even in India at the time of the tragedy. Thankfully, she e-mailed us quickly telling about her safety. But the images of the children, parents crying, death and destruction littered everywhere - will always remain with me. I couldn't understand such devastation on such a large scale. It was then that the Lord began to softly touch my heart with the realities of His character, through the reading of His Word and through the testimonies of other believers. The Holy Spirit began teaching me about His righteous, loving, compassionate, merciful, faithful, trustworthy, holy and just character. Through the testimonies of others, I saw humans bearing out the truth of God's character in the midst of their most trying circumstances.
I'm thinking of that now as I read of Haiti and the consequences of this horrific earthquake. I can't understand such devastation on such a large scale, but I can spend time in the Word and leave all these things I don't understand with Him.
I cannot understand why my little friend has leukemia, or why a mere child should lay in a hospital with a brain tumor. I don't understand why breast cancer has the power to devastate so many women's lives.
But - either God is who He says He is, or He is not. I choose to believe God is exactly who He says He is.
I put my complete faith in the one that has it all under control, especially in this fallen world.
Someday, His Word promises that every knee will bow, and every tongue confess that He is Lord. He promises to wipe away every tear. I look forward to that day.
For now, we walk by faith and not by sight.

A Change of Plans -

2010-01-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

How often has God completely changed your plans - put you on a completely different course? I know it has happened to us all.

This year there have been many such "change of plans" for some of my girlfriends. Just moving along, following their own business, living their lives, and BOOM - a huge change of plans. A diagnosis of a baby's leukemia, across the ocean in Africa, another diagnosis of a little boys brain tumor, a vibrant, 17 yr. old girl told- you have leukemia - a baby born with a heart defect requiring many future surgeries, and a diagnosis of breast cancer for a woman that is just starting a new chapter of her life at the enjoyable age of 58.

I don't know why God diverts our course, I only know that His way is perfect and we can rest in that even as we struggle to come to grips with the new circumstances in our lives. Just this past week, Sophia was awaiting a big test result that would show if the leukemia had returned. If it had, that would be devastating. It just so happened this was the day that I was to have lunch with Charles and Bernice. As they walked across the room to me, one of their first questions was, "How is Sophia, and Ginger"? Happily, I told them that the results came back with NO blasts - a huge praise - as the oncologist has told them to pray for a miracle! Both of these dear people were overcome with praise to the Lord for this wonderful news. Bernice put her hands in the air - "Praise God, oh , Praise God!" I was so touched by this couple. They are in the midst of severe trials of their own, yet they set that aside and genuinely rejoiced over good test results for another brother and sister in Christ. How can they do that? It is all God, they tell me.

Even in the middle of a change of plans - some things never change:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..." He knows. Nothing is taking Him by surprise nor is anything out of His control.
We also are not seperated by His love as promised in Rom. 8:31 - 39.

I'm so comforted by that today. My small change of plans this morning resulted in an unexpected, sweet time alone with Him. (sometimes, when I cannot sleep, I give in to the plan God has for me at that moment. I can practice resting in Him and seek Him in prayer, for myself and others). There is no noise in this otherwise noisy home at the moment, save for worship music playing in the background and a wild kitten chasing paper balls here and there. I have had tears streaming down my face as I have reflected on God's faithfulness and love, so evident in lives of these friends listed above. Tears of joy intermingled with tears of longing for resolution and relief from pain for my dear brothers and sisters in Christ.

I'll copy and paste a message I just sent to some of them on Facebook - and remind myself not to fear any "change of plan" the Lord allows in my life.

Debbie Frederick January 17 at 11:33am
Change of plans - I'm home from church (with a migraine I woke up to at 6) and kind of "down for the count". At least the fourth round or so. I wanted to write something to you before I forget...I think of you as my "five fab" - my five girlfriends that are fabulous! I almost always pray for you at similar times.

I had just finished writing the "update" on all of you on my FB site, and I went to leave and reached in my pocket to a little crumpled piece of paper. I remembered that I had Panda Express with you (Bernice) and hadn't read my "fortune" from my cookie. I'm not a big believer in Panda's predictions for my future, or anyone elses - but guess what it said? "If you have HOPE, you have everything". I'll take it!
I am praying hope for each of you - as we know where it comes from - GOD!
Also flipped open to Romans 8:31-39 this morning. It starts and ends with: "What then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?....Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ....
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
AMEN! Even when you are seperated from others, your loved ones, your "normal circumstances" - you are NEVER seperated from the Love of God!
I miss you all - looking forward to seeing you all again.
(April - sorry, I did have some food ready but didn't have the presense of mind to send it with Dan this morning. Perhaps we can swing by tonight? Praying for your sore muscles from moving!)
love to you all -
Debbie

Today - In History

2009-10-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

This semester at Co-Op, I'm teaching a class on Current Events and World Geography. We usually start our class with a trivia session I call: "On this day in History..." It's always interesting and recalling these events about inventions, wars, speeches, etc. has surprised even me.

Today is one of those days for me. "On this day in (Frederick!) History...."

Three years ago today, we welcomed our first daughter-in-law into the family. I can't describe how happy that day was for Dan and I, let alone Funnel and Jen! I remember so many small details of that day...my girls getting ready in their bridesmaids dresses, our guests (family and friends) from out of state and our conversations, the way Dan looked in his suit (so handsome! that buddy of mine!), the beauty of the old church in which they married, the coolness and absurdity of the snow storm that day, the "Tigers" game being played just around the corner (the people of Massilon are sports enthusiasts, to say the least!), my nervousness over whether I would trip when it was my turn to light the candle, my mental images of Caleb and Amy getting married in six short months (they had become engaged the previous weekend!), visiting with Jen's Mom and Dad, praying Jen's grandparents would arrive safely, seeing the grin that would NOT leave Nathanael's face, and then...looking at Jen for the first time in her wedding gown. (she never looked more beautiful). I can recall these and other images of that day with absolute clarity, as this flood of memories swirls around my heart and head today! As Mary, the mother of our Lord, is recorded as doing: I treasured all these things and pondered them in my heart.

Seven years ago today, I began a journal to record some of the ways the Lord was caring for our family during our difficult trials. In my way of thinking then, I thought it would be a short journal. You know...God is going to rescue us from this situation, any day now! Wrong. It became the most lengthy thing I have written. It has become one of the most treasured possessions that I own. I began it with these words:
"It is hard to put into words the many thoughts in the heart! But fall short as they may, they chronicle our days; the joys and pains, the simple and complex events that comprise our days...It has long been a desire of Dan and I to journal events in our lives that have brought us a new awareness of God's presence in our everyday lives. The way He cares for us, provides for our needs ~ even the people He uses to bless us! (and how many there have been!) Each event and person is so special to us, that we want to pass these stories on to our children: (thus far: Nathanael, Caleb, Zachery, Seth, Micah, Danielle, Jon-Mark and Michaela).
We want to never forget God's goodness! It brings joy to our hearts each time we recall these times - times that have changed us forever as we have grown in our faith in the Lord.
(...for we walk by FAITH, not by sight...") II Cor. 5:7

Little did I know on that day, seven years ago, that things were actually going to get worse before they would get better. Dan would be diagnosed with cancer, we would come very close to losing our home, I would have a personal struggle with depression, people that I loved would die. But, also how could I have known the blessing that was to come exactly four years later on that day? Our oldest son would walk down the aisle of a very old church, and marry the girl of his dreams. They would later dance to the song "The Luckiest" - each feeling that the title fit them perfectly!

As I sit down now, it is an uncharacteristically quiet day. Moke is still recovering from being sick, Dan is in Atlanta on business for four days and the only commotion going on right now is Melee running back and forth in the kitchen. All day yesterday, something was "stirring" in my soul - lots of memories, good and bad. I was mentally writing many more chapters for the book I still intend to finish...and then it hit me this morning. That was exactly seven years ago today that the very same "stirring" was in my heart. I didn't remember the starting date of my journal until a few hours ago. I think it is kind of cool that it was seven years ago today - I like all the "seven" things in Scripture! God is amazing. I am constantly, utterly humbled at the ways He chooses to interact with me - a frail human being. Another "seven" connection to all this is the years that we were in the midst of our most difficult trial. It was about seven years: from the time around 9/11/2001 to appx. 6/27/2008. It was on our 27th Anniversary, that Dan received his first major check for his new company!

Looking around me today, I still see the consequences of our trials, but more importantly - I see the blessing. All praise to Him, He is restoring the years that were "destroyed by the locusts". He is restoring relationships and allowing us to grow closer in friendships, as well as within our family relationships. We are such sinners on a daily basis - I'm amazed that God even puts up with us. You certainly know this if you know us! But - He is guiding us, step by step, out of this pit that we were in! Psalm 90 has been a frequent quote of mine this year in my correspondence to others. I can't help it - it speaks to me in such a personal and profound way!
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations.
Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God...
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants.
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble.
May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children.
May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands."

He did! He had compassion on us, He satisfied us every morning, He is making us glad again after the years of trouble! He is establishing the work for us. My new prayer now is: Lord, help me not to be a slacker!

Our years of trouble were so small compared to so many others trials, but it was real to us. It was painful, confusing and required so much of us. It seemed that it would never end. Slowly though, it did. I will write that book someday for our kids. I still feel compelled to do it - it is a work that He has established for me.

Today in History? I am thanking the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! I am going to hold tight to the memories and lessons that He has allowed to become a part of my personal history. And...I'm going to work on my book. : )

"I Will Rise"

2009-09-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

Friday evening will be forever etched in my mind as an evening of awe and great saddness. I attended the Memorial Service for Joshua Gulvas, age 21, who lost his life in a hiking accident in Colorado on Sept. 12th, 2009.

Unfortunately, I never had the privilege of meeting this remarkable young man. I am friends with his mother, Shelley, and also know their daughter, Anna. We don't see each other very often, but we tend to pick right up where we left off. Shelley has a heart for the Lord that is intense, vibrant and contagious! When news came to me concerning Josh's situation in the Colorado wilderness, I was beyond shocked. He and his Dad, Rand, had only parted ways for a short time at the end of their hike. Josh never made it to the rendevous point, and from Tues. evening until Friday afternoon, his parents, family and friends lived through a nightmare that I personally cannot even imagine. Word went out via news, radio, cell phones and the internet. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of believers were all praying for his safe return. That safe return never came. We ALL had hopes that Josh would be found alive. When his body was found at the bottom of a 300 ft. cliff, it sent shock waves of disbelief, questions of "why now? why Josh" through hundreds of people.

I can think of few things that "rock" the soul of a believer more than unexpected tragedy. We all know that accidents happen, that isn't the issue. But it is one thing to KNOW that things happen, and yet quite another to experience that on a personal level. At one point in the Memorial, it was shared that Rand had a response to the comment: How do you deal with such a tragedy? He responded that if Josh DIDN'T know Christ, that would have been the real tragedy. What a courageous response from a father whose heart was breaking in two.

This service was powerful. It actually reminded me of another Memorial Service that we attended almost exactly a year ago - yet again another 21 year old christian young man that had died in a car accident. A young man engaged to be married. Josh's Memorial was a perfect blend of true worship to the Lord, in the midst of searing grief and human loss. Earlier in the afternoon, the family had already been present in a private ceremony where Josh's remains were laid to rest. The evening was reserved for family and friends to come together to remember Josh's life.

The sanctuary at New Life Church was full of pictures of Josh, surrounded by many of his personal things. His "scrubs" with the badge - "Otterbein Nursing Student", his well worn jeans, lots of pictures, pictures of him being kissed by little Anna, a large canvas picture of him pointing to his "No. 4" jersey from soccer, his guns, soccer balls, frisbee's, favorite books and old tennis shoes. It felt strange to be among his personal "stuff", but it also felt comforting to know that these things would comfort his family in the long days and weeks ahead. A small reminder of the Josh that was here on earth, who is presently in heaven.

Worship music filled the building as hundreds of people sang:
"Blessed be your name
in the land that is plentiful,
where the streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name,
on the road marked with suffering,
though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name."

Testimonies followed by those that knew and loved Josh most intimately. A letter read by dear, sweet little Anna, ending with "you were the best big brother ever, and I will miss you!" An older sister's tribute to her little brother, so eloquently put to words by her heartfelt love for him. A life long friend that had the privilege of being escourted to her prom by Josh (when her previous date suddenly cancelled). Grown young men, reduced to tears, cracking voices and quivering hands. Men that had funny stories about the adventurous Josh and also the prankster Josh. Serious paragraphs were read also, about how Josh's life showed the love of Christ in his everyday actions and words, and how these actions and words had served to challenge others in their walk with Christ. After each testimony, Shelley and Megan would rise from their seat to offer their quiet "thank you's" and give each contributor a long embrace. At the conclusion, Shelley couldn't keep herself back, and stood at the podium herself, Rand right at her side. She gave the final, unexpected tribute, when she said that she couldn't sit there and not tell us what a wonderful son Josh had been to her. She said that she was the luckiest mother alive - and that she would miss him everyday for the rest of her life. (She made me laugh when she said..."On mother's day, some of my friends would get a paragraph from their son, and Josh would write me three pages!" She barely made it through her tears, but at last admitted that a part of her had also died with him that day, and nothing would ever be the same. I don't believe there was a dry eye in the sanctuary, that literally held hundreds of people.

Another song was sung:
"I will rise, when he calls my name; no more sorrow, no more pain!
I will rise, on eagle's wings, before my God, fall on my knees, and rise...
I will rise."

As the song began to cresendo, it felt as it the Lord allowed each of us there a very brief, small view where Josh was now, where we would be some day:
"I hear the voice of many angels sing, Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the sound of many voices sing - WORTHY IS THE LAMB!"
It is the strangest thing to have human tears streaming down your face in grief,
and yet your soul rising to the heights of joy just THINKING about being with Him!

The place was perfectly quiet as a picture montage of Josh's life showed on two big screens at the front. What a sweet little boy he must have been! Pictures with family, with friends, being silly, being sporty. The last dozen or so photo's showed Josh and Rand on Sept. 5-6th on their hiking trip in Colorado. The scenery was indeed breath taking! One photo I will never forget, showed Josh at the top of a large cliff. His hands were outstretched and the sun was shining behind him as he stood there all alone - basking in the contentment of being in that rugged, beautiful place. Little did he know, little did anyone know, that that would be the last picture taken of him here on this earth. It was eerie and it was serene. The Lord knew that Josh would be with Him soon.

The evening closed as the family came forward and close friends and family encircled them as we prayed for their comfort that night and in the many long weeks ahead. Sobs broke the silence from time to time as the grief overflowed from one family member to the next. I appreciated those sobs, in a weird sort of way. When death comes and believers ONLY celebrate the life of the loved one who is now in heaven, it leaves me confused. What about the grief? What about the mourning? Isn't that a very real part of death, even for those of us who know that we possess Jesus, the resurrection and the life? Even Jesus wept. We can rejoice that our loved ones are in the presence of Jesus, but we can also wail and mourn that we no longer have them here with us on this earth. We grieve not for them, but for us.

I am reminded again of the berevity of life. Life is a fragile gift, each and every day. "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Ps. 90:12
Thank you, Joshua Gulvas, for living your short life to the fullest and for being a Christ follower that pointed others to Him. Thank you, Shelley, for being my random friend, and for the brief times we've been together to laugh and cry about "life". Thank you, dear Jesus, for the comfort that only you can give. Thank you for paying the price for our sins, that we may be made righteous in your sight. Thank you, dear Father, that someday all these trials will be behind us, and we will forever be in your presence!

Where did the Summer Go?

2009-09-20T19:29:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, I remember thinking about life in terms of Seasons. Fall - a glorious time to enjoy the weather, prepare for the coming cold months. Winter - a sometimes long and hard season to get through with trials and barrenness. Spring - promise of hope as life emerges from the death of Winter - and last, but not least, Summer! A time to harvest, but also a time to play in the sun.

This summer has flown by. I jokingly turned my calendar back to July protesting the end of one of my favorite times. yea...like that is going to work. : )

My life, and the lives of my friends and family is a complex mix of "Seasons", all at the same time. For instance, Dan and I are in "summer" mode. Time to keep working, but it has also been a time to harvest and enjoy some of the fruits of our labor. By the grace of God, and many prayers I am sure - we recently refinanced the house! At 5.5%!!! It made every long hour of work that we've done on our home this year so worth it. Thank you so much Lord. It is one step closer to digging out of this pit that we've been in! Ps. 90 has been in my heart for so long:
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations...
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children." Vs. 1, 14-16

It's so exciting to see my kids reveling in their "Spring" seasons - homes remodeled and moved in to, the possibility of having babies of their own, the dreams and hopes of careers and futures. Even tonight, I had the chance to hug my niece and her husband, who are expecting a baby in May. They just suffered the loss of Shane's brother, Chad (on Aug. 20) and out of the BLUE found out they were expecting! This little life was conceived close to the time of Chad's death. Hugging Shane tonight I said: "Congratulations! (on the new baby) "I'm so sorry for your loss". It's wierd when the Seasons overlap. Just like the transition between Winter and Spring, you don't know whether to wear a warm coat or a spring jacket. Sometimes we don't know if we'll be laughing that day, or crying.

Some of my friends are in the dead of "Winter". Trial upon trial - financial stress, illness, leukemia, death. Winter can be so long! Even in the physical realm, Feb. is one of the hardest months for me to endure. It seems that the ice will never go away, that the sun will never shine again. But then...Spring bursts forth. In such a small way, it displays the faithfulness of the Lord. Just as He brings the seasons each year, so He brings constant change into our world - change that is ultimately for our good, and His glory.

I'm thankful for my life and the everyday reminders the Lord sends my way. I'm thankful for the cold, (sometimes) unrelenting Winter seasons in my life, because without them, I could never appreciate the warm and gentle breezes, or the tiny budding flowers of Spring. I'm thankful that He has allowed our Summer seasons to spill into Fall. I'm thankful for hard work, great play and the brilliant blue skies of Fall that constantly point me to my creator.

Whatever "Season" you are in, rest assured that God is faithful to see you through this one and into the next.

Life and Living

2009-07-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

Well..it's been a while, again.
Since the last time I wrote, we've had a flurry again of activity - mostly good! I am happy to report that Nathanael and Jen AND Caleb and Amy are new home owners! I'm so proud of them. It was fun to watch them work so hard to accomplish their goals. More about all that later...
I'll start with today, and then move backwards through the past four months.
Today...
I'll describe it in adjectives that I am feeling. Tiring, Fulfilling, Challenging, Trying, Puzzling, Over-whelming, Extremely satisfying, Oh, so full of Joy.
Confused? me too. I have been stretched in my faith yet again and drawn closer to the Lord as I've learned to live with more unanswered questions.

In the mundane - we're still remodeling!!! I don't know why we can't finish it! Thankfully, Adam Thomas (Sophia's Dad) has been available for hire, and he is an expert craftsman that has helped us a great deal. I think that good old fashioned fatigue has hit Dan and I in between the eyes.

It's been an interesting summer thus far. The raccoons, I mean, the boys - are still living in the basement! Tonight one of them is in Granville playing tennis or volleyball, which has become a common excursion these past few weeks. We're on completely different schedules (I am a morning person, they are night people - you know, like raccoons. : ) Overall - it has been very good having them home. I have missed my man-boys.

Dan is still doing well with his business endeavors - thank you Lord!!! He's busy and tired, but we have committed to "finding each other" when our lives slow down a bit. I am, as usual, behind on many fronts. I still haven't finished school and we need to have our evaluations completed. Oh, the never ending lists. We home schoolers have a favorite saying: "well...there's always NEXT year!" We joke about how we keep striving for that optimum home school year! I think it is an illusion.

Church? good. Family? good. Friends? mostly good. still some major trials for some. (Relay for Hope is tomorrow for Sophia! Also - please pray for our friends the Winklers. Their daughter, Paula, was diagnosed with A.M.L. Leukemia just a few weeks ago. Paula (17 yr.) and Sophia (17 mo.) are on the same floor and have met each other!

My weight/health? not so good. Again - "there's always NEXT year!" It's an illusion.
Well, this is a lot about nothing, but it has given me time to exercise my brain.
I have been so blessed to be in Psalm 90 lately. God has truly restored so much of what has been lost for us - I can never praise Him enough.
Good night, moon. Good night, stars. good night everyone.

Heartaches and Homecomings....

2009-04-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

Forgive me, but I'll tell you in advance I can hardly put together a coherent sentence tonight. I've had a full heart, overflowing with some heartache, some joy. I don't know who said this, but I think of it alot: "Life for the believer is a daily walk of sorrow and joy existing on parallel planes."

Joyful things:
1. Seth is home from Colorado! Yea. We're all so glad to have him home. Dan and I were actually enroute to home from our four day business trip to Mississippi when Seth (traveling in Mo.) called us. The conversation was so "seth" ...
"Hey Mommer, how are you?"
"Great Seth, I was just about to call you! How are you?"
"Fine, fine. Where are you?"
"We're just east of Columbus...almost home! Where are you?"
"I'm in Missouri. But right now, I'm on the side of the road because a semi just hit me."
"WHAT???"

He proceeded to tell us the story (mean, mean truck driver) which was a "hit and run" (meaning - Seth is going to have to pay for the damage to his car - no collision insurance). But I am JOYFUL because he wasn't injured, except for his wallet and an inconvient stay in Mo., and he is home.

2. Our married kids are looking at houses! oh, how I remember how exciting it was purchasing our first home. I'm so excited for them.

3. Dan is in negotiations for his third project in Mississippi. His current project will provide income for us until December, so we are hoping there is another one on the horizon soon!

4. Our remodeling is almost done! Can somebody say "AMEN!" I'm so tired.

5. Everyday joys: laughing with Michaela about my facebook quiz: "how many kids should you have?" oops...my answer came up two or three! We laughed about loading up kids 4 - 8 and taking them back to the hospital. "What are you doing here?" "Well...my facebook quiz said I wasn't supposed to have these guys."
Listening to Moke play our new (used!) digital piano! It has a beautiful sound - I am so thankful to have music in the house again! Watching Seth pay Michaela a dollar to scratch his back, taking Danielle to Columbus State (yes - we got lost), sorting through her growing up pictures for her upcoming graduation, laughing with the Jen at Danielle at the bar (you wouldn't believe what we were talking about!) ... these and so many other sweet memories. I wish I could tuck them all away and pull them out in vivid detail when I want to remember these moments.

Heartache things:
1. Please pray for the family of Shawn - a 21 yr. old that shot and killed himself on Wed. night. It is a heart wrenching story - as far as anyone knows - he did not know the Lord. But we all hang on to hope. Nathanael and Zac trained with him, and the Goodwin family knew him much better. Ryan was in the parking lot of Shawn's apartment when he ended his life. Please pray for his family, for his friends and especially his 19 year old sister. She found out recently that she has a heart condition that may cause her life to end in less than a year. I can't wrap my brain around this one at all. I know that God is merciful, full of compassion - I just felt like someone punched me in the stomach when I heard this news.

2. This is kind of a joy/heartache: First, I was able to spend time with Sophia last week! She, as always, melts my heart with her sweet smiles and waves. She was also able to be home for three days with her family inbetween her chemo. this time. She is once again back in Children's, and is having alot of pain and side effects. She has fractured two of her fingers also. Please keep praying for this little warrior! I can barely talk about her without tearing up. She is so precious. Ginger and Adam will forever be in my book as my hero's of the faith. They are remaining so strong through all this. I pray little Sophia can be home, healed and whole. May/June is still the target time.

3. My friend Linda is still grieving the loss of her Mom. It hurts me to see her hurt, and yet I know that death is a part of life for all of us. Jen's cousins are still in extrememe pain over the loss of their little son. Death is so brutal and so final - and yet it ushers those of us that believe into the very presense of our Lord. Joy/Sorrow - running on parallel planes.

I flipped open my Bible to Isaiah this morning as I am always drawn there during this holy season of remembering Jesus death and resurrection. I will close with a random assortment of verses that spoke comfort, hope and peace to me:

"You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat." (25:4)
"You will keep him in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." (26:3)
"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." (33:2)
"He tends his flock like a shepherd; he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (40:11)
(I thought of Ginger/Sophia and April/Malachi)
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." (8)

Amen.

The Luck of the Irish

2009-03-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

It's almost St. Patrick's Day! I love green, Irish step dancing, celtic music and a vast array of other "Irish" things. So I'm planning on tomorrow being a good day.

I love that my dainty purple crocus flowers have already bloomed in my front flower bed, right along side my snowman decoration that I need to put away. However, as I recall, about a year ago we were shoveling some 20 plus inches of snow around here!

New flowers remind me of new beginnings. Last week was long and rough, and I'm looking forward to the new beginnings that come with Spring. Christine's funeral was beautiful and yet so mournful. As we walked into the funeral home for the viewing, Emily spotted Michaela and fell into her arms as the tears flowed. It was such a bittersweet picture for me. It could have been Linda and myself. As we say our good-bye's here on earth, I know that the deep grief is just beginning for her family left here. Please keep praying for Linda and her family - we will all miss "Mammy".
If you didn't hear, Sophia was home for four nights with her family! Now we must surround them with much prayer as she is entering a very crucial stage in her chemo treatments. Please pray that God grants this baby life and health and peace. Please pray for continued strength for Ginger, Adam and their entire family.

We will be entering day 20 something of our remodeling project tomorrow....bla!!!
I'm too "old and busted" to be tackling some of this stuff. I'm so thankful that in heaven, there will be no need for any remodeling or repainting!

A year ago, I was writing limerick's for all my facebook friends.
I was inspired by my friend Pam, who wrote one for Dan when we first found out he had bladder cancer. It went like this:
"There once was a fine man named Dan,
who daily would ask God his plan,
God gave His answer,
by allowing Dan cancer,
Dan said: "Can we try this again?"

It is silly, but really fun. One guy named me the "Limerick lady" - and in honor of St. Patrick's day, I'm going to copy and paste my "Interview with the Limerick lady." (I had severe insomnia and could think of nothing better to do than "interview" myself - just for the fun of it. It's amazing what you will write at 3 in the morning. Plus, it is a good exercise to make fun of yourself once in a while.)
Read the story of St. Patrick to your children - it's an amazing one!

Interview with the "Limerick Lady".Share
Wednesday, January 16, 2008 at 11:14am | Edit Note | Delete
Yesterday afternoon, I was able to catch up with the woman who is now being referred to as the “Limerick Lady” on Facebook. She has been writing a personal limerick for each of her friends, and is creating quite a stir among the community. We met over a steaming mug of Highlander Grogg coffee in her home. She was very casual in a black sweater and dark jeans and her demeanor, given her newfound status, was upbeat and yet still very down to earth.

Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with me and grant me this interview! ( The pleasure is all mine )

So, you're taken on the huge task of writing a limerick for each of your friends. Tell me, what inspired you to do such a thing?
(Well, I've become quite attached to the 71 wonderful people who call me their friend on Facebook, and I wanted to find a way to express that to each of them. Several weeks ago I wrote a limerick for my “wee” kitten, and as I quoted it out loud to her, her response was incredible. She just stared at me! Literally stared for quite some time, and it was at that moment that I knew just how profoundly a limerick could touch a living soul.)

Please, can you explain briefly what a limerick is, and why you chose that sort of poetry to touch these living souls?
(A limerick is a five lined form of humerus verse. Limericks may cover a wide range of subjects and derives its name from the city of Limerick, Ireland. Now, it's not that I'm completely partial to the Irish. But I do prefer their lyrical poetry over... say, the Japanese form called the “haiku”. I mean, trying to arrange a verse in three lines, with 17 syllables is too complicated for me. I can't be counting syllables - It doesn't fit my style. Besides, we have a lot to thank the Irish for. They gave us St. Patrick's Day, Lucky Charm's cereal (they're magically delicious!), River dance, Red hair (which I particularly love), Corned beef and cabbage, plus they invented the potato. They also gave us the adjective “wee” - which I personally think is great fun to throw around.)

The Irish invented the potato? I thought potatos were around long before the Irish.
(I may need to check my facts on that one, however we do owe the Irish a great deal.)

Back to the creation of your limerick's – why do you think this form of poetry comes so effortlessly to you?
(Most people forget that I am a home schooling Mom, with many “wee” youngsters around here. On any given day, I run across a lot of rhyming words. It has been a natural outpouring of my unique way of looking at others combined with what I am already familiar with.)

What has been the greatest reward to you, thus far, concerning the magnificent limericks you've written?
(Without a doubt, the greatest thing for me has been watching my wee children support my literary efforts. They make coffee for me (exclusively – Highlander Grogg), help keep our home tidy, and encourage me by asking me to write more. Their support has been.....(at this point, she began to tear up....) nothing short of amazing. Just seeing their happy faces as I quote their limericks has touched me! They literally beg me for more , bless their wee hearts.)

Given the huge success of this literary project of yours, have you considered what you would like to tackle next?
(I have, actually. I'm considering writing an “Ode” - which is a more serious, elaborate lyric, full of high praise and noble thinking. I'm thinking of “An Ode to Kirpi the Hedgehog”. Perhaps in the future, I'd also like to collaborate my writings with the poems of another and publish a masterpiece. I was thinking of something like:
“The Best of Lord Alfred Tennyson and the Limerick Lady.” What do you think?)

Well, I'm no expert on publishing books....but wouldn't that be rather difficult, considering that Lord Tennyson died in the late 1800's?
(You've got a wee point there.)

Do you anticipate that your current standard of living will change much, again, given the success of your limericks?
(Well......I don't know. I would still want to schedule my book signings far in advance, so I could take advantage of the $10 Skybus flights to the various cities. If I really wanted to splurge, I may purchase the Kalamutu variety of olives instead of the plain ones - or buy myself a wee bit more chocolate. But other than that, I think my life will pretty much stay the same.)

Well, it has been a pleasure getting to know you and the lyric that you hold so dear to your heart. Is there anything you'd like to say in closing?
(Yes. I'd like to thank my friends Pam Parsons and Robyn Baden, for their insightful comments regarding limericks in the past. I'd also like to thank Nate Johnson for referring to me as the “Limerick Lady” first! So in closing, I'd like to thank them, and the Irish. But especially, the Irish. And thank you for this wee interview!)

(post note: This has been a silly writing without any merit ~ but on a more serious note, I'd like to honestly share why I am writing limericks. Several years ago after Dan was diagnosed with cancer, Pam wrote Dan a limerick, which made us laugh and helped us see the lighter side of life! Her limerick:
“There once was a fine man named Dan,
who daily would ask God His plan,
God gave His answer,
by allowing Dan cancer,
Dan said, “Can we try this again?”
About the same time, Robyn and James Baden wrote a paper with the title:
“The Top Ten Reasons why Dan cannot die of bladder cancer.”
They said things like:
“Rabbit trails would grow over from lack of use.”
“Deb would have to conduct all Dan's business meetings in the form of Praise Dance.”
and other humerus reasons! They helped us get through our trial by helping us laugh again, and at the time – that was priceless.
In recent years, my heart has hurt over the other trials we've experienced, and I have found that writing, or singing or laughing, all these things help me cope. I love the written word – because the Lord used it to give us His Word. His Word has been my supreme comfort and joy. The Psalms have been my life during difficult, sleepless nights. Besides – I really do like poetry! Jen won a poetry contest at Otterbein College, plus Dan's Dad, in addition to my Uncle Don – loved writing poetry. I hope that this inspires one young person to pick up Tennyson or another poet, and give it a read! )

POST NOTE: March 17, 2008
A Very Happy St. Patrick's Day to all of you!!!
Growing up in a predominately Catholic community, I always thought St. Patrick's Day was a party day - green beer, pinching...the things my friends would talk about in middle school. How could I have missed hearing the true story of St. Patrick? He was one amazing person.
So today was pretty much thethe best for me...how could it not be with the profile I have! I was able to be home - watch "Riverdance", strike a few of my friends on facebook with a limerick - you know, fun stuff. Read with the kids about St. Patrick, The Irish- Americans - plus we checked out the website for the upcoming Irish Festival in Dublin - Aug. 1-3 - you should all come if you can. It's pretty awesome..and speaking of awesome - The live Riverdance troupe is coming to the Palace Theatre on April 16 - 22(?). I covet tickets for this! Our friends, James and Rachel bought us tickets one year - and it was one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed. The music, the dancing and costumes ...oh wow.
Well, to the relief of many - the Limerick Lady is going on Sabbatical. (stop cheering - I can hear you.) I finished 25 limerick's, made a few laugh, a few cry and definatey embarressed a few of my kids. So....
I'm thinking I'll trade in my love of the limerick for the admiration of the author.
I keep looking at all my friends facebooks, and most have book reviews and the such. They must think I'm a nit wit or something -
Seriously - onto Holy Week now and the most sacred of all days - in my opinion - Resurrection Sunday. Jesus Christ was the MOST amazing individual to ever walk this earth. Fully God, fully man. So many deep things to now think of this week. So many things in Christ, our Savior - to be thankful for.
Blessings to all of you!

In this note: Jennifer Frederick (notes), Kirpi Frederick (notes), Pamela

Pulled in Many Directions

2009-03-05T04:53:00.000-08:00

My eyes popped wide open at 5 a.m. this morning. Oh snap...it's going to be a long day I believe.
It is before 8 a.m. now, and I'd rather not admit how many cups of coffee I've enjoyed already on this serene and beautiful morning.
It's so quiet...I cherish these hours in the morning before the day gets noisy and busy. I sometimes find myself so far behind, I don't know where to start. So I'll begin this rambling of thought and word with what I think is most important...

Oh, how I wish I could express how wonderful the Lord is to me! Every day - His mercies are indeed new and I don't know how people can live a day without Him! In the margin of my Bible this morning, I saw a date that I had jotted down next to Psalm 40: 1 - 5: November the seventeenth, 2005. I wonder what happened on that morning? I'll have to get out my journals and see what blessing the Lord brought into our lives that day. That was a rough year for us, as I remember. How I love this passage penned by King David so long ago:
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry....Many, Oh Lord my God, are the wonders you have done! The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare."
Ps. 40: 1a, 5
Even though I feel "pulled in many directions" today, the direction I feel most pulled toward is heavenward. How wonderful to know that it is a certain reality waiting for me - in God's time and in his way.

Today begins a very tough time for my dear friend, Linda. Her dear mother is now face to face with Jesus - and on this side of eternity - many will gather in the next two days for her Viewing and Funeral. As Jen penned this week, I wish we could bear some of the hurt of those that we love. Somehow redistribute the pain load, so we could all carry a part of the grief and burden that is so real and painful. But we cannot. We can only walk beside our friends and family as they in turn walk with God through this narrow path called grief. Several of my close friends have lost their mothers already, and the thought of saying a final good-bye to my own dear Mom brings a pit in my stomach. Dan and I have only lost one of our parents thus far. Dad has been with the Lord for alittle over two years now. Watching Linda go through this process with her Mom brought back many painful memories for me. Yet it has also brought a sense of comfort too. Christine is in a very real place, heaven, and it is a real place that I will be someday too.

I wonder how Corey's family is today. This little fellow is also with the Lord now....death is such a terrible part of this life. So painful.

Never far from my thoughts is Miss Sophia Hope too. I hope to see Ginger today to hear an update on how she is faring these days.

Life. It's good - it's painful - it is filled with extremes.
The daily things have been challenging to me lately. I guess that is why I am feeling pulled in so many directions. I want to spend more time with Dan and the kids (all of them...I miss the adult kids too), but we're in the middle of what I might call remodeling h - e - double hockey sticks. I wasn't anticipating how hard this would be. Again, it's good! but it's painful! We're on day 14 now, and things are still very disheveled. I don't do well with "mess" - as I can't find things and feel like I'm in a foreigh country. Not really - I tend to over exagerate things...but I am weary of it all. We want to do a good job, knowing this floor may not be updated again for awhile. I want to pick the right paint colors and envision how we will want things for years to come so we make the most of every dollar we're spending. Last night on our way to church, Dan and I made yet another Lowes stop picking up more supplies. We encouraged ourselves with the fact that we are saving lots of money by doing a good portion of this ourselves. We'll all be grateful when we're done. We've had a lot of help that we're grateful for, especially from the kids. The men we hired have been great too. It will get done!

In the meantime, I'm also juggling some other major things. I am trying to get some help with Michaela and her home schooling. I've really dropped the ball in some areas and she has some learning challenges that I'm trying to identify and help. She's so sweet though...I love her attitude. On the other end of the spectrum, Danielle and I are making our way through her upcoming high school graduation and perhaps her leaving for College in the fall. Lots of paperwork, lots of mixed emotions going on for me. One of the boys is moving home this weekend also, so that is yet another area I want to help with. We're also trying to locate a piano, primarily for Jon-Mark - to encourage him to pursue his musical interests. I'm excited that Jen and Funnel are looking into the possibility of being first time home buyers! Hopefully Peab and Amy will be able to look soon too. Seth and Micah will be back from Colorado in April sometime - wow, how the months fly by. I am looking forward to having a dozen people around a table for a Sunday dinner again.

I'm thankful for Dan these days. He is a perfect partner for me! We're looking forward to a short time away for his birthday soon.

Even though we as women do feel pulled in many directions at times, it's good to remember to keep our focus on the Lord. I'm grateful for the many wonderful older women and girlfriends the Lord has blessed me with, because they each have taught me many valuable lessons. One of my "Titus two" women turned 60 this week! It would take me all day to list and express to each family member/friend that has benefitted my life in some way. My wonderful Mom, my sweet mother-in-law - my sisters, (both biological and spiritual)...each has taught me lessons that I hope I put into practice, and I pray that I learn to balance my life and keep things heading in the right direction.

"Peace I leave with you...."

2009-02-27T05:37:00.000-08:00

As I read Jesus words to his disciples in John 14, I can think of no other words at this time that bring more comfort.
Peace in the midst of a storm is a precious emotion. Storms of saddness and loss are swirling all around us right now as loved ones say good-bye to their family member walking through the veil from this life to the next.
Another family didn't have time to say good-bye. Jen's cousins felt the full brunt of death come on them suddenly on Sunday, when their 3 yr. old son was killed in a tragic car accident. Today, Corey would have been 4 years old. I hear that there were 2,000 people that visited the family at his viewing. His life mission has been accomplished, even though no one saw his mission ending so early. My heart breaks for this family and they will be in my prayers for many weeks to come.
I'll never forget the life of little Jeremiah Kline. At 10 days old, he went home to be with Jesus, and his heart broken parents chose a phrase to put on his gravestone that I will never forget. "Mission Accomplished". At such a young age, his parents faith enabled them to say that his life and death was a mission that was accomplished. Oh, that we all would have such faith and comfort in the midst of such sorrow and loss.
Upon hearing of Corey's death, I also immediately thought back to the death of little Maria Chapman, the adopted daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife. I read their testimony weeks later and thanked God for sustaining them during such a difficult time. I appreciated their transparency and openness with how they were dealing with their grief and unanswered questions about why this had happened. Yet their faith in our God came through and even though I don't know them, I experienced a growth in my faith too.
Faith is living with questions that are not answered in this life. Lord, please teach all of us to live with unanswered questions and trust you more.

I can hardly keep up with my emotions these days. Two weekends ago, Danielle and I traveled with Candy and Abbey Walsh down to Louisville to visit Boyce College. She and Abbey are considering going there to study for at least a year. We were really pleased with the emphasis on the Word of God there. We'll see what the future holds. As I think about her potentially leaving this Fall, I feel a wide range of emotion. Excitement, for her! A deep sense of missing her, for me. In some ways, she reminds me of myself at that age. I love my kids. They are all so unique and different! I'm also excited about Seth and Micah coming home in April. Seth plans to finish at Columbus State, Micah intends to stay for a few weeks, then head back to Colorado. I knew if they saw those Rocky Mountains we'd have someone settling out there! I think Colorado is beautiful, and I can't wait to visit there again. Zac is inbetween jobs at the moment too - so I'm praying for his future direction.

Last weekend, the girls and I drove up to Mich. for a surprise party for my step-sister! It was awesome. My other step sister from Colorado flew in, and I was so thrilled to have time with her and her son, as we haven't seen each other in about 20 years. Crazy. I don't know where the years have flown. After a busy but wonderful 3 days with my family and our friends, the Crouse's, I met my college room mate (and bridesmaid!) for a late lunch in Lansing. After 20 some years, Becky and I had a wonderful time catching up with each others lives and we can't wait to see each other again. I don't feel old enough to think that I've been out of College for almost 30 years already.

On another front - Sophia was sick when we visited her on Tuesday. Please keep this family in your prayers. She's such a little trooper. We keep praying for her healing and asking the Lord to sustain this awesome family day by day.
Also on Tues. I saw my friend Christine, for perhaps the last time. Christine's family is all around her now, and she will most likely be with the Lord very soon. Please also pray for the Goodwin family. Saying good-bye - even when you are anticipating it, is still so difficult.

I feel a bit like my house today. A big mix of things. We've had it tore up for alittle over a week now, doing some remodeling. Dan and I thought these changes on the main floor would give us the "biggest bang for our buck." Our living room is in the dining room (couch on our table), my closets are in my room, my bathtub is filled with "stuff", there are tools and dust and mess just about everywhere. You know - remodeling. The one word says it all! I'm looking forward to the finished product, living with the disheveled one for awhile. Kind of like the new body and the promise of heaven that I'm looking forward too. It will happen! And that hope gives me peace and joy in the middle of the pain and uncertainty of these days. Last evening, I read a quick chapter from "A Midwives Tale", a book based on the diary of Martha Ballard that won a Pulizer Prize. Many of the accounts were fascinating, but one that I partciularly was amazed by was the story of the diptheria outbreak in 1769, in which a large percentage of the population died, mostly children. Martha herself lost three daughters, ages 2, 4 and 8. But these words just jumped out at me..."In the midst of all the death, Marth gave birth to another daughter." It reminded me that God allows life to come from death - as painful as that is. Joy does come after sorrow - Praise Him! We're going home to be with Him someday and that is a truth many of us cling to on a daily basis.

Back to John 14. I am praying Jesus words indwell each of these families today. When I read the "red letters" in my Bible (which indicates these are Jesus words)
I feel a special comfort today. He experienced our human emotions. He wept when his friend Lazarus died. He understands. He gives us Peace.

A Tribute to Life

2009-02-09T20:42:00.000-08:00

The past two days have been full and enlightening for me. Yesterday, I spent the day with a perfectly delightful baby who just happened to be turning one year old. Sophia Hope! She was able to see her siblings for the first time in months - a visual that I will remember and cherish for a long time! The affectionate looks and kisses, and leanings into them to be held and loved yet again. I hung out with Sophia for the rest of the day so Ginger and Adam could have some time out with the other children that miss them so much. Sophia and I played peek-a-boo, "where's Sophia?" (she's good at hiding under her blankets) and of course, a bit of nap time. She is one of the most delightful babies that I have ever known. I believe that she has suffered more in the past 3 months of her hospitalization, than most of us will suffer in our lifetime, yet she remains resililent and strong. She is in a fight for her life, and yet she can still laugh and smile! She waves "bye-bye" to everyone that enters her room. (even the nurse that had the unpleasant task of giving her a shot last evening.) As I drove home last night, tired but so happy to have been with her, I envisioned Adam and Ginger bringing her back home to their little farm house with the goats and the dogs, and love in every room. I envisioned how her siblings will pour over her with love and attention. I think of how other's will hear of her testimony and marvel at the miracle of her life. I pray every day that these wishes turn into a reality for this family that I have come to love so much. So Sophia, I offer you a tribute today....Here's to LIFE!

Today I spent some time with another friend. Actually, another member of our Bible study group. Christine is also battling cancer, it just is different than Sophia's. They are in different hospital's - about 10 blocks apart. These two remarkable ladies, though years apart in age, both sat in my living room recently as we laughed and listened and shared some good fellowship over the Word (followed by food, of course.) Christine's life has taken a bitter twist in the past few weeks, and if God does not choose to miracuously heal her, she will be face to face with Him soon. Life is not fair. Hardships somehow turn up at our door as uninvited and unwanted guests. Our desire is to close it all out - and yet we cannot. As I watched this frail, lovely lady today, I thought about her life. A friend was painting her nails and her loved ones were around her. I wondered what she had been like as a teenager, what her dreams were at that time. I thought about her working hard to raise her two wonderful children. I wondered what it was like for her when she and her husband, a Pastor, had traveled together in these past few years. I thought about her as a wife, a mother, a daughter. Things that I am today. Her life has had immense meaning and purpose and yet all of a sudden, it seems so harsh that it should be drawing to a close. Yet her life IS going to continue on the other side - the side that we believer's long for some day. I'm excited for her new life to begin...a life so glorious that we truly cannot even imagine it. So Christine, I offer you a tribute today also...Here's to this life, and your next!

If I found out today that my life was to end in a few weeks, what would I do?
mmmmm.....that is a very revealing question we should ask ourselves. I'll quickly jot down a few things I would change:
1. I would spend intentional time in the Word and worshipping the Lord each morning.
2. I would give the best of myself to my family, instead of others.
3. I would snuggle with Dan for a few extra minutes in the morning, just to make sure our day started out on a good note.
4. I would take more time to vocalize to other's how important they are.
5. I would purpose to spend more time thinking grateful thoughts, than those of what I want, or need, (or think I need).
I would spend my life living it in a purposeful way, each and every day.
WHAT ON EARTH am I waiting for?

You know the old saying...yesterday is behind us, today is here, and tomorrow is just an unknown. I am thinking that Ginger (Sophia's Mom) and Linda (my dear friend, and daughter of Christine's) may be just a step ahead of me on this one.
But I'm working on it!

Tonight, instead of hurrying off to get some house work done, I sat down and had a really nice little chat with my sweet mother-in-law. (I told her, "I think I have too many friends" jokingly, of course. She said "you can never have too many friends." She's always been full of good wisdom!) I spent a few minutes REALLY listening to my kids and their friends just talk - about anything - about everything. I took some time to just laugh, and to write a few cards. I took some time to pray for my friends that are in "trials of various kinds", as James calls them. I thanked the Lord many times over today for my life, my family, my friends, and most of all, for Him.

Because He is the author of Life, my tribute truly is to Him.

"I'm hopelessly flawed"

2009-01-23T08:49:00.000-08:00

Listening to my "Little Women" soundtrack last week reminded me of some of my favorite lines from that movie:
"I'm afraid I'm hopelessly flawed" Jo to Professor Baer.
"It only takes one, if it's the right one" Amy's comment to Jo and Meg.
"My teacher said: It's as useless to educate a girl as it is to educate a cat" (something like that, it was Amy quoting what her teacher at school said...)

haha - I do love that last one. So girls...stop learning! It's useless! Isn't it crazy how some people's views cause so much distortion?
I love this movie and think about that statement from Jo: "I'm afraid I'm hopelessly flawed."
I suppose that is why Scripture is so life giving to those of us that have given our lives to Jesus Christ. We ARE hopelessly flawed, but praise be to Him, we are also granted grace, forgiveness, hope and the eager expectation of our eternal life with Him!

Hmmm...life is moving on at a steady pace these days, and we seem to experience joy and sorrow all the while. Please keep praying for Ginger and Sophia. If you have a facebook, Ginger (Thomas) is now on and she is posting notes about Sophia's updates. That sister has taught me more about perseverence in the past few months than I think I've learned in my whole life. The family is being sustained DAILY on God's grace and it is an amazing thing to witness. Today, Malia Faith (now in heaven) would be 2 years old. I bet she is having the best celebration ever! (here is a good example of joy/sorrow on a daily basis...my dear sister in law, Amanda, is also celebrating her birthday today! Happy Birthday!!!You know I love you!) I am so attached to the Thomas family and hope and believe with all that is within me that Sophia HOPE will be home soon, healthy and whole. Only God knows - it is comforting to rest in Him when we have questions that remain unanswered.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall,
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have HOPE:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness!"
Lam. 3:19-23

I'm praying for our new president and his family too, as well as a blessing on former President and Mrs. Bush. Who on earth would want the responsibilities associated with being the president of our nation? NOT ME. Wow - lots of mixed emotions going on for me at this time. Instead of leaving a very lengthy opinion poll of my own, I'm going to just post a favorite Scripture passage of mine and ask God to enable us to seek Him each and every day for the future of our families, churches and our nation:
"Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long....."

"Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land."
Psalm 25:4-5, 12-13.

On a very trivial note, I am committing (once again!) to become healthier this year. I am trying for the next 30 days to make a habit of these things:
Exercise (3-5 times per week), Drinking enough water daily, Getting enough sleep and choosing healthier foods for my family and I. Anyone else out there working on these things? I'll pray for you if you are. I know I've been "hopelessly flawed" in these areas in the past, but it's never too late to try again. With God's help, we keep pressing on.

I'm so excited to begin our new Bible study this week! We're starting on the "Esther" study by Beth Moore. This will be our fourth study together now. Two very special women came into my life as a result of this gathering organized by Linda Goodwin a couple years ago: Ginger and Christine (Linda's Mom). Please pray for Christine too. She is battling cancer again, and isn't feeling well at all.
Oh sigh...life is challenging, isn't it?
Someday all the pains of this life will be over, and to that I say AMEN!!!

I'm going to end on a very happy note. IKIRU (the band consisting of Adam Langdon, Isaac and Ethan Barton) is finished with their "Job" CD's and they are available for sale! This is one of the most amazing CD's in our home. It chronicles the book of Job is such a passionate and profound way. It is WELL worth your $15! Over 2 hrs. of original music and lyric's. Great job guys...and kudo's to all the family members for giving up your husbands/sons while they were busy creating it. It is going to encourage many believers. If you want one, check out their website:
myspace.com/ikirutheband. They also have a page on facebook: Ikiru.

Love to you all -

"A Long Obedience in the Same Direction"

2009-01-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

It seems that "blogging" has fallen by the wayside lately. I just noticed that I forgot to post my Happy New Year wishes to you! So, I just copied the letter I sent to family and friends. I'm not sure who, if anyone, still reads this. But it by some chance you are my friend/family, and I didn't mail you a letter, this was our greeting to you as we closed out 2008 and started looking forward to 2009.
To catch up:
I spoke with Ginger this morning and Sophia is now in round 2 of her second chemo. routine. (this one is a double dose.) I am greatly looking forward to finally seeing them tomorrow. Please, keep praying for this dear family. Only God knows the future outcome of all this and as we wait for it to unfold, it has been a daily reminder for me to remember that this world is not our home - we are only passing through. Life is a day by day walk of faith, with hope in God alone for our future.

Today is a new day! We are trying to get back in the routine of school, I am on a deadline to get bills in the mail today, finish taxes and be ready for church tonight, then pick up Dan at the airport at 11:30 tonight as he returns from Texas. But I want to take a minute and tell you about a new book I'm reading.

I was just given a book that I think I need to read. Christen gave me "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction" (subtitled - "Discipleship in an Instant Society") by Eugene Peterson. I am only one chapter into it, and know that this is what I need to focus on at this point in my life. I've been kind of in a rut lately, for lack of a better word. My back has been hurting, I'm behind on many things, there are some spiritual issues in my life that I've been trying to tackle head one. (I know...whine, whine, whine....even as I write these sentences I'm tempted to say to myself..."would you like a little cheese with that wine?" cheesy, I know. : )
Just having the reminder from this author that life is a long journey - filled with ups and downs - obedience as well as disobedience, etc. has given me new hope this week. Mr. Peterson wrote this book 20 some years ago and it was just reprinted. It is based on the Psalms of Ascent - Ps. 120 - 134 (Also the passages that we just finished studying in Beth Moore's Bible Study on the Psalms) Now I always hesitate to share a book before I've read it all - but I've also come to learn that life is fragile and unpredictable. Who knows if I'll even finish this book? I'll share a few quotes that have stirred my thinking today:
"Religion in our time has been captured by the tourist mindset. Religion is understood as a visit to an attractive site to be made when we have adequate leisure. For some it is a weekly jaunt to church; for others, occasional visits to special services....The Christian life cannot mature under such conditions and in such ways."
"Frederick Nietzsche, who saw this area of spiritual truth at least with great clarity, wrote, 'The essential thing 'in heaven and earth' is....that there should be long obedience in the same direction; there thereby results, and has always resulted in the long run, something which has made life worth living." It is this "long obedience in the same direction" which the mood of the world does so much to discourage." p. 17
"Repentance is not an emotion. It is not feeling sorry for your sins. It is a decision. It is deciding that you have been wrong in supposing that you could manage your own life and be your own god; it is deciding that you were wrong in thinking that you had, or could get, the strength, education and training to make it on your own; it is deciding that you have been told a pack of lies about yourself and your neighbors and your world. And it is deciding that God in Jesus Christ is telling you the truth. Repentance is a realization that what God wants from you and what you want from God are not going to be achieved by doing the same old things, thinking the same old thoughts. Repentance is a decision to follow Jesus Christ and become his pilgrim in the path of peace." p. 29-30

Two passages from Hebrews will be in my thoughts today:
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..." Heb. 6:19a
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Heb. 12:1-3

I'm praying for you on your journey!

Happy New Year!

2008-12-28T05:13:00.000-08:00

December 2008

Dear friends and family,

I have a new word for this past year:

re*in*force*ment: “the act of reinforcing, something that reinforces or strengthens,

to strengthen with some added piece, support or material.”

Here's a funny story about our family picture this year. As Amber was taking our photo on our bridge down by the creek – we heard an interesting sound... a“cracking”...of sorts. The next second after this picture was taken, the bridge cracked and broke at the point where Danielle and Jon-Mark were standing. The next photo was a complete blurr, as Frederick's scattered quickly in both directions! Dan had JUST said something like.......”I think this bridge may need some reinforcement before we put all this weight on it....” oops! I will always laugh at this photo!

Along similar lines, we have experienced our faith being “reinforced” this year....strengthened and supported through various avenues. Until June of 2008, we were still under-going financial trials of various kinds. We can never thank God enough for providing these two projects for Dan this year! He has been busier and more challenged than ever before ~ but God is proving faithful, as always. He is currently finishing project one and entering project two in full swing. THANK YOU again for praying for us!!! We are so grateful for you and for the Lord's goodness.

On the family front: Things are going pretty well. Dan received a good health report – cancer-free for 3 years now! We are in a “transition” of sorts – kids coming and going, new opportunities, etc. All five of the older boys changed jobs this year! Nathanael and Zac are with the same Insurance Company– Caleb is designing containers for “Liquibox” – and Seth and Micah moved to Vail, Colorado to work at a ski resort until April. We miss them. Jen and Amy continue to be the stellar daughter-in-laws....still being great wives and working too. As of October, I have cut back to working just one Sunday a month with my second favorite boss in the whole world (Mary.) I also work very PT for my favorite boss in the whole world (Dan!) I think everyone is thankful to have a job during these economic times. Danielle will be our 6^th graduate in May! I will miss her terribly when she leaves. She's still working, studying and being a great daughter. (There has been a nice young man named Spencer hanging around here lately....it could be because of the previously mentioned nice daughter we have. We all like “Spennie”.) Jon-Mark is learning to drive with his permit, play the guitar really well and to speak in full sentences (as opposed to one word responses). Michaela started ballet lessons this year, had braces put on and continues to make Dan and I smile!

For our family Christmas this year, we are all going to ski/snowboard at Seven Springs, Pa. For 2 days! Well...almost everyone will ski. Amy and I have decided that we will soak in the pool and cook food – a better alternative than potentially breaking something. She showed us a video of her first time skiing, and I think she shares my lack of skills for this winter sport. She keeps us all laughing. Now Jen, I hear that she is a “pro” (She has skiied in Switzerland!) Dan and all the other kids do well also. So...we're greatly looking forward to our first “official” family trip together!

On the friends front: I don't think I can ever remember a more difficult year for some of our friends (and some family members too). It has especially challenged me to seek God and trust Him with outcomes, but it hasn't come easily for me. I've narrowed my approach down to this:

Concerning the things I can change: Ask Him for help each and every day.

Concerning the things I cannot change: Trust Him ~ He has it all under control and doesn't make mistakes.

We have enjoyed your Christmas cards, pictures and letters. What a blessing to have you in our lives!

May God grant each of you peace, contentment,and great joy in this coming year!

Love ~ from our family to yours:

"He Giveth More Grace"

2008-11-25T19:49:00.000-08:00

"I don't know what to make of life these days". I think I just wrote that a few days ago in my previous blog. Somehow, as believers, I think learning to live with unanswered questions drives us closer to the Father's side.

Even in the past few days, more and more difficult news. I have new friends that are in a very dark storm, completely un-chartered waters. Dan and I just found out that one of our dear older friends (who we heard wasn't feeling well...) now has hospice helping to care for him. He and his dear wife have ministered to us time and time again in the past 14 years. Little Sophia has to go back in tomorrow morning for yet another blood draw, and this time, if the results aren't encouraging, they will be scheduling her bone marrow draw. Ginger sent me an e-mail with the update just before we were to go visit them and take dinner over. I couldn't keep the tears from falling on my drive over. If anyone happens to be reading this - please pray for these dear families. They all know and love God. They are committed to serving Him and are all such a testimony of God's grace right now. They need to know that we love and support them.

For some reason, when I feel especially low, I find strength in the Hymns of the Faith. These believers also faced difficult times, suffering, even death. The words penned from their hearts, (with tear stained cheeks, I am sure) span the years between us and serve as a testimony to who God is. He IS our "Mighty Fortress" (Martin Luther) and faithfully "He Giveth More Grace"(Annie Flint). Who can deny "Oh the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus" (Samuel Francis) or the peace that we receive in grief while still proclaiming "It Is Well With My Soul" (Horatio Spafford)? We look to Him for our future in "Be Thou My Vision" (Ancient Irish Hymn) and praise Him from the tops of our voices that He has loved us - "Just As I Am" (Charlotte Elliott). Someday, oh how grand it will be! We will all cry in worship "All Hail The Power of Jesus Name!"(E. Perroner).

But for now, we are here. Confined to human bodies, limitations - sometimes sufferings and trials. In the past year, as I have struggled to make "sense" of some things, it has helped me to recall who God reallly is. Do I believe it? Do I believe that He is all powerful, all loving, all righteous and unable to make a mistake? Do I honestly believe that He governs justly and has the believers best interests at heart? Do I believe these things in the core of my being?

As I have come to some terms in this, life has made alittle more "sense". When events happen that seem out of control, it helps me to remember that GOD IS IN CONTROL. When tragedy strikes and pain grips a believers soul, it helps me to remember that GOD IS OUR REFUGE, A VERY PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE. Trusting that He is who He said He is, helps me to sleep and be at peace when I cannot understand events that unfold around me. If you want an exercise in faith building, sing the words to the hymn "Immortal, Invisible". In that short hymn alone, you will find a rich treasure of adjectives that describe our Heavenly Father. Just to name a few ..."most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days...almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise."

Nothing in all the world comforts and surrounds us like God's Word in times of trial. But after soaking in His Word, I find a quiet rest in these songs. I wish I could just write the verses of so many hymns tonight - just for the hope that anyone reading this may draw strength from the writers words. But I'll close with two of my favorites:
"Be Still, My Soul" by Katharina von Schlegal
"Be still, my soul! the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God, to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul! thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end."

"Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee" by Henry Van Dyke
"Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love;
Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness, Drive the dark of doubt away,
Giver of immortal gladness, Fill us with the light of day."

Looking back, Moving forward.

2008-11-22T18:21:00.000-08:00

One of those rare events has just occurred....I'm sitting in a quiet house.

Yesterday, Seth and Micah (plus Dan Willis) set out for Vail, Colorado. As Micah's facebook status said: "I'm off for a grand adventure in Vail, Colorado!". No doubt it will be. The boys all lined up jobs at a ski resort out there for 6 months. I am going to miss them terribly. Even though I was at times frustrated at the mess the basement was in (I jokingly told people that I had "raccoons" living in my basement...and they would say, "REALLY?"). Nope. Just the boys - growing Lord knows what down there in that bathroom.
Moke is off to a friends for a sleepover, Danielle is out to a movie, and Michaela and Dan are watching "Star Wars" - so it's just me and Melee hanging out in the Living Room.

I don't know what to make of life these days. There have been some great tragedies recently:
*Jason Mansfield, age 22, went home to be with the Lord suddenly in a car accident. He was a friend of the boys, and had been over here a couple times. He left behind a shocked family and a broken hearted fiance'. His funeral was packed with people, and was one of the most sorrowful, yet hopeful things I have ever attended.
*Ginger's baby, Sophia, has been in the hospital. They are awaiting her blood count results to see if she may have leukemia. We are all believing that the Lord is going to heal her little body. Ginger and Adam's baby Faith, suddenly went home to be with the Lord at 6 weeks of age, about a year and a half ago.
Other really sad things, almost too many to list. Some are very private matters. Yet in each and every sadness, I see God's grace so evident in the lives of those that are in the middle of it.

Challenging things: Our married kids have had a few: You know, like a buying a new, used car (only to find that it immediately needs repairs), having to have "procedures" done on your body that are painful, working 70 hours in one week, only to have no sales or money for it, having an acquaintance at work die (due to his suicide, after killing his 7 year old daughter.) That event really was in the tragic catagory.
Our Co-Op had to close down suddenly until next year. My friends on the committee have been working for hours trying to bring a resolution to the situation. It's a tough one.

Good things too:
*All the boys jobs are going well. They are adapting, working hard and making ends meet. I pray for the day that Jen and Amy can cut back on their hours at their present joband begin doing the work they both prefer. Jen - Photography and Amy - Cosmotology.
*Dan was able to update his company car! He loves it. We drove to Cleveland for this black, two year old, six-speed beauty. I haven't driven it yet, but I will. It makes me so happy to see him take the kids for rides in it! I told him that I thought he deserved some "happiness".
*Church is going well - as well as our Bible Study in the Psalms. I've hit a bit of a "dry" time spiritually - so these things have really kept me going. I'm thankful the way the Lord always finds me, just where I am. Others have been so kind to us at Logos - I'm grateful for them.

Being 47 is cool. I do love looking back, as well as ahead. (I figure I'm somewhere past the middle now - which is interesting). I do look forward to seeing Jesus, more all the time. I also can appreciate looking back, and seeing all the God has accomplished in and through our lives.
While I have this quiet house, I'm going to go spend a little "quiet" time with Him.

Taken for Granted

2008-10-26T08:03:00.000-07:00

The October winds have started to blow stripping some of our trees of their golden colors. I know that Winter is around the corner, but for now I am relishing the scents, feel and sight of Fall.

Years ago I wrote our family Christmas letter with a "season" theme. We experience each season in our own lives, even though they come at unexpected times, as opposed to the predictable seasons listed on our calendars hanging on our walls. Some Seasons are beautiful, much like Spring. There may be days or months full of hope, new growth and anticipation for the warmer times ahead. Yet we all must endure those cold, dark and long times that I associate with Winter. The death of a friend or family member, the trial of a relationship gone bad or watching helplessly as a child turns their back on God. Just like the ice that forms and the howling, cold winds that accompany it - it sometimes feels like it will never end. Summer is full of fresh produce, blooming flowers and herbs. We swim and play alot, getting up late and going to bed way past our normal bedtimes. The kids love to lay out on the trampoline and gaze at the stars, sometimes even staying most of the night out there. We can usually slip away for a short vacation on Dad's Lake, enjoying my parents and our friends up North. We begin to turn our attention toward the upcoming school year - planning ahead and feeling ever so hopeful that this year we may actually "get it done!" (My friends and I laugh that the home schooling motto should be: "Well...there's always NEXT year!")

Everyone has their favorite season of course, and mine happens to be Fall. It is almost like it happens overnight. Dan and I will comment on the sky looking like an "Autumn sky". Thanksgiving is just around the corner and it is, in my opinion! the best holiday. The temperatures are cooler in the morning and I find myself making more coffee and tea. The evenings close in quicker, lending themselves to more reading or watching movies. I enjoy going on walks and bike rides so we can enjoy the changing color of the leaves plus enjoy the cooler breeze. (and I've missed that greatly with this stupid sprained ankle of mine.) A couple times a week now there will be the smell of simmering soup and sometimes sour-dough bread. I have a few new recipes to add to our old favorites: Spicey Chicken Tortilla (thanks to Dennis Goodwin!) and Corn Chowder have joined the list of our "favorites" - Mixed Bean, Cream of Broccoli and Vegetable. We begin to get ready for the cold months ahead, trying to finish projects that we began in the spring and summer. For me, I enjoy this time of looking back and yet anticipating what is ahead.

I'm very much in a "Fall" mood today. I look around me and appreciate so much:
*The consistent checks from Dan's company that have enabled us to stay current on our bills.
*I am observing some "harvest" of sorts in the lives of our kids: (some of their "gifts" are emerging plus the "seed" we planted in them is helping some of them mature spiritually...I cling to the promise where God says "His Word shall not return void")
*My buddy and I are appreciating more of the simple things in life: A movie, dinner and walk together; a portrait of our family taken on the bridge he built; an evening of popcorn and a taped episode of "Planet Earth" together...
*Especially recently, I have appreciated the dedicated service of our men and women in the armed forces. (I should take the time to write them all an "open" letter. I know they are not forgotten, but they are often not thanked.) I look around at some of the destitute situations in other countries and I am humbled at the freedom we have here.
I'm looking back and yet anticipating what lies ahead.

Even appreciating these few things, I've decided that I take WAY too many things for granted. I expect that Dan will always be here and that we will continue to enjoy each other and our relatively good health. I expect that our home will continue to withstand the storms around here and not be damaged. That burst of wind left over from the Hurricane on Sept. 14th showed me how quickly things can be damaged or even ruined. I expect that I will continue to have my kids around us and that we will have great relationships among ourselves. I expect that our church family will continue to thrive and do well. I expect that our new President will work tirelessly to protect our borders and keep us safe. I expect that life, as I know it now, will continue.

That may not be the case. The only consistent thing that I have come to know about is Jesus Christ. He is the same "yesterday, today and forever." I'm glad that He doesn't change like the Seasons. I pray that we can all learn t0 not take HIM for granted, but that we will be ever mindful of His mercies that are "new, every morning". It doesn't matter what season of life we are going through: Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter. He is there with us He meets us each and every morning! I look forward to His coming...more so it seems each passing day. Even so come, Lord Jesus.

"Life is a Chair of Bowlies"

2008-10-25T18:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the opportunity to laugh so hard that my side hurt. literally! We were celebrating one of my girlfriends birthdays. (she introduced me to the artist that came up with the caption above - plus so many other funny ones.) Four of us women went out to dinner and what a time it was. We all come from different churches, are different ages, have very different circumstances, joys and trials. We have one Savior in common. In between the gut busting laughter, we all testified in our own ways how God has met us this year and given us all that we have needed.
It has been months since I have been back here to write. I hardly know where the past four months have gone. We've been trying to adapt to our new situation. I'll try to think back and write a very quick summary:
*Dan's two projects are going great! One is actually a little ahead of schedule. He has worked many long and hard hours on these jobs. His travels are also going well and he has actually been home working in his office more than traveling. We bought two honda Odyssey's at one time! One is for his company and he and I drove it down together. His engineer is doing an amazingly great job in his responsibilities with the projects - we're so grateful. He also has a part time secretary that is helping out a great deal.
*Dan's company received his first check on June 27th! We photocopied it. We showed it to the kids. We hugged and we thanked God for this miracle. The projects will provide work for Dan for two years. At this point we cannot pay back our huge debt, but we CAN pay for our monthly bills! It is so exciting to us. Bit by bit we are digging our way out of the pit we've been in. We've even been able support some missions again, enjoy some dinners out and start Michaela in her braces! For Christmas this year, our family is going on our very first snow vacation for 2 days!
Also noteworthy on that day:
*We celebrated our holiday anniversary: Married 27 years on June 27th! My buddy continues to be my best friend, my tireless encourager and the object of my affections.
*Our kids celebrated their anniversaries: Caleb and Amy (one year in May) and Funnel and Jen will celebrate their second one this week. We love having married kids! Such fun.
*Our three middle boys moved home for the summer. Zac found a new apartment in Sept., and Seth and Micah will leave for a few weeks for Vail, Colorado. They have secured a 6 mo. job at a beautiful ski resort. They have been guaranteed 40 hrs. work per week, plus meals and free snowboarding. A dream come true for them! (In their own words..they will be "joking with and pushing little rich kids down the tubing hill.") I'm really going to miss them. Even though I do tease about having a pair of "raccoons" living in our basement.
*All the kids are healthy, and the older ones have jobs. Something to be VERY grateful for.

Let's see, in numbers I've also experienced the following:
7 nights with my buddy in the Riviera in Mexico!
6 different job changes (with 5 of our kids...)
5 rooms in our house cleaned (well...sort of - we're still working on de-cluttering)
4 months of paying our monthly bills, on time!
3 kids now left to home school - (I'm working on it) Danielle will graduate on May 23, 2009!
2 months now of reduced days of work for me. (I'm down to one Sunday per month now)
AND
1 new job for me!(I'm working very part time for Dan. I hope I don't get fired...I'm WAY behind on some things. I can honestly, yet jokingly say that I am sleeping with my boss. : )

It is a wonderful, different, optomistic time for us. .. yet we still remain tired on many fronts and are still trying to "catch up" on all the things left undone for the past six years. We are slowly getting a "grip", I think. Dan surprised me with the trip to Mexico in Sept. It was a rare time for us to just lay on the beach, take long walks and do almost nothing. We arrived home on Sat., Sept. 13th. On Sunday, Dan flew out to Florida, the remains of Hurricane Ike blew threw central Ohio and we lost a lot of trees, plus our electricity for two days. On Wed., Yell and I were out for a walk on the bike path strew with the storm debris, and I slipped on a walnut, fell flat on my back and promptly sprained my weak ankle. (This is sprain No. 7, in addition to the fractured foot and tibia from years ago). I believe in the conspiracy theory...I think the squirrels put that walnut there purely for their entertainment of watching me fall. Basically, every bit of relaxation we experienced on that beach in Mexico flew right out the window when we returned! We still laugh about it though. We have so many great memories to reflect back on.

I'm still in some pain from my back and ankle, but can't complain. It is healing slowly. I'm discouraged because I had just started losing a few pounds and I remain in a state of lacking self control. I need to figure out some new exercise options for myself as well as quit consoling myself with all sorts of chocolate. I'm learning to operate withing the "new normal". Life never seems to stay the same for any length of time...which is good I suppose.

My check book hasn't been the same - which is GREAT! The first morning we had sufficient money in our account to pay our monthly bills, I was beyond excited. I got up extra early, brewed my favorite coffee, put in my favorite CD, and had a GRAND time paying those bills! I still look forward to it every month now. Yet I know, that we can always go back to where we were. We learned so much about God's provision and how He can use our dear friends and family - even strangers! to show us that He has not abandoned us.

Just a few weeks ago, Dan came home with what he called another "Aldi Moment". Do any of you shop at Aldi's? I relied heavily on it to make our monthly food budget for years. I actually still do, but now I can afford Trader Joe's and some other great food spots inbetween my Aldi runs. Recently as Dan was going through the check-out there, he felt heavily convicted to help someone out. Not really knowing what to do...he started toward the car, and then returned. Because no one was around, he asked the cashier if she knew of anyone that could really use an Aldi gift card at this time. At first, she said that she didn't trust herself to send the funds in the right direction. But as she thought about it, she changed her mind and said that she actually did know two families in great need. Dan went ahead and purchased the gift cards and started out the door. She called to him...."Can I give you a hug?" By now a few people had formed a line to check out, and Dan was sure they were thinking..."WHAT on earth?" But it was a great encouragement to Dan. Such a SMALL gesture, but one that we both knew personally, from experience, could mean the world to someone that needed items they could not afford to buy.

I remember lining my items up at Aldi in order of need: and often I had to put the items at the back aside. I know what it is like to spend a great deal of time evaluating whether to buy this, or that. Can we do without it this week? It wasn't that long ago. This spring I had looked forward to having some friends of ours over for dinner. For several nights, I planned inexpensive meals (eggs, beans and rice, etc.) so I could "save" our meat for the week and prepare a great meal for our guests. (as I remember, it was really enjoyable too! The fellowship was sweet, and we all enjoyed the grilled chicken taco's with plenty of salsa and chips to go around.)

These memories are really sweet to me because I have learned to identify with those that are going through hard times. Sometimes when we drive up next to a smoking, old, noisy car - we say they are "kindred spirits". We know many "kindred spirits" - those with beat up cars, lack of funds and dire situations. As my wise friend once said: "I have learned to pray: Lord- please don't waste these trials. May they serve to benefit me and someone else in my path."

Our Bible study these past two weeks have been focusing on God' s "surrounding us" (we're going through Beth Moore's study: "The Psalms of Ascent"). Oh my, I can't even write what these passages have meant to me. Psalm 120 - 134 chronicle David's intimate walk with God. They resound with emotion, truth and God's ever failing love. As Beth writes:
"There is no literature in all the world that is more true to life and more honest than the Psalms, for here we have warts-and-all religion. Every skeptical thought, every disappointing venture, every pain, every despair that we can face is lived through and integrated into a personal, saving relationship with God - a relationship that also has in it acts of praise, blessing, peace, security, trust and love." p. 5 - introduction. Amen Beth.

On a personal note: I am spending more time praying for my kids these days. I am praying that they all truly make Jesus the Lord of their lives. I know that it is HIM doing the work in their lives and I struggle at times to get out of the way and let Him work. I am thankful for each area of growth that I see in any of their lives. I am asking the Lord to draw the ones that especially need Him back to Him, whatever it takes. If you ever think of us, that is our most urgent prayer for now. Thanks for all your prayers for Dan's job! God showed up in a big way for us!!!!

So many of us feel that the future is uncertain. (It has been a long, political election season, hasn't it? I'm greatly looking forward to having Nov. 4 behind us! ) We are still in great need of God. A pay check is a poor substitute for utter dependence on Him for our every need. It has been a long, painful, utterly wonderful seven years.

Overwhelmed by Kindness!

2008-06-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

For so long, I have used the word "overwhelmed" in conjunction with stressful situations in my life. This morning, I am absolutely overwhelmed by God's kindness - demonstrated through so many people and circumstances in our lives the past few days.
Just a few days ago, I was discouraged. The van loan that was denied, plus several other situations - made for a rough week.
Remember the vision that died for the Honda Odyssesey? Believe it or not, it is sitting in our driveway this morning!
It is a quiet and peaceful Sunday morning. I treasure these quiet times in the morning with the Lord as I meet Him on the gazebo. He never fails to meet me here - although many mornings I fail Him by being too busy and not showing up. This morning was sweet. We attended Ikiru's concert last night in which they played their song's from the book of Job. (the band is made up of Adam Langdon, Caleb's brother in law - and Issac and Ethan Barton.) It was amazing...absolutely amazing. The lyric's, drum rhythms - guitar - organ, it all blended together to make an evening of worship and enjoyment of music. So...I found myself reading Job this morning. Wow. Job loses me in the very first chapter, because he was an upright and blameless man. We can never compare our circumstances to Job's.
But - they have been challenging. As quickly as things went down hill this week, they began to turn uphill. On Thur. morning - Dan found out that Huntington would consider our loan for the van with Mom being primary on the title, Dan being secondary. His conference call came shortly after that. The contract appears to be agreed upon! He should have his first check by next week. On Thurs. afternoon Mom began the process. It was approved, and we were set to close on Fri. afternoon at 2 p.m. Meanwhile, we called Don Towle and over the phone - told us what was available. To make a short story - we bought this van, sight unseen, and picked it up on Sat. morning with Mom! It is a beautiful 2005 Honda Odyssey with only 60K miles. I can't get over it. As we were in the lot Don asked us if we wanted to drive it before we bought it and we said "no" - we trust you. He was trying to explain some of the options to me and I was lost - so many bells and whistles! I reminded him that in the past six years, with my previous three cars - I have had a grand total of $2,850.00 for the purchase price! Simply put - I'm not used to alot of new features. They are sweet! I drove home in the new van while Dan and Mom drove the Civic home. I kept thinking "I can't wait to take a road trip in this!" and wouldn't you know...I unexpectedly did on my way home. I took wrong turn, and ended up in unfamiliary territory making my way home 45 min. after Mom and Dan!
So many people, so many brothers and sisters offering prayers on our behalf - so many circumstances - one very faithful God
For the first time this summer on Thursday evening, Dan and I sat out on the porch that he and a myriad of boys finished right before Caleb's open house. We looked up at the stars and complemented the Lord that made the serene surroundings. We did something that we haven't done in a while. We started to dream again.
The van has symbolized so much more to us than just being a "new" vehicle. It represents a new beginning for us. It represents freedom in some ways - to have transportation available when we've been "shut in's" for many months in the past six years or so, either due to lack of a working car or the money to even put gas in it. It represents God's mercy and kindness in restoring what has been taken away from us. It also to me represents a new lesson. Paul states that he "learned" to be content in all circumstances - whether well fed or hungry - in plenty or in want. I think I've been promoted past Nursery school now. I'm learning what it means to be content in Christ - no matter what your outward circumstances are. As I was talking to Bill after the concert last night, I realized that we really can go back to old cars, uncertain circumstances, etc. We've been there before. I'm just grateful for the reprieve now.
Job is way ahead of me. Paul is so far beyond me in His devotion and service to Christ that I can hardly write my name in the same paragraph as his. But we both love and serve the same Lord and it gives me so much hope for the future!

The First Day of Summer!

2008-06-20T05:51:00.000-07:00

According to my calendar - today marks the first day of summer.
Already, I am enjoying it immensely. I am on my screened in porch, watching and listening to the myriad of wildlife outside. Hopefully, the oriole's will show up again this morning. I've already watched the blue jays, sparrows and of course, our silly cats. We also have a baby squirrel that I am waiting on. The trees are vivid shades of green, our pool is a crystal clear turquoise and the sky is a soft mix of blues and whites swirled together. ahhh...it is summer.

Firsts can be really fun. The first time I rode a bike I thought I was pretty big stuff. Anticipation culminated in a diploma as I walked down the gymnasium floor and graduated from high school. The first time I met my Dan in the college bookstore and we had a short conversation I was totally "twitter-paited" -which happens to be my favorite word from the movie "Bambi". (..."so...I see we're in Bible Literature together...what kind of notebook are you going to buy?....?" while I was thinking...This guy is awesome!!!! I hope we are sitting together!)
The first time he kissed me, the first time he said he loved me, the first time I walked down the aisle in my bridal gown and my eyes met his. Less than a year later, the first time I held my first born son. The first time we paid cash for a brand new car, the first time we signed the papers as homeowners (we bought a run down house at an auction for $12,500K! ) Firsts are something you never forget, no matter how old you are. I like firsts.

Consequences.

2008-06-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

One bad decision can wreak havoc in a person's life. If you haven't experienced this, please, take my word for it. If not my word, take God's.

I made one bad decision on Tuesday. I decided to do some heavy duty yard work, ignoring my good sense not to do so (because of a neck and back problem I'm having.)
Consequence? The mother of all migraine's hit me on Wed.! I woke up around 5 a.m. - and didn't honestly feel like a person again until 6 p.m. when I could finally keep some pain meds and food in my stomach. (I hate throwing up. It's yucky. Bad, bad migraine.)

One of the boys made a bad decision in not paying his traffic ticket on time.
Consequence? HASSLE!!! phone calls, internet searches...more hassle today! He has to pay more money to have his license reinstated. Even I have been at my wits end helping him with this. It is alot of red tape and alot of time wasted.

We once made a bad decision to loan out some money against our paid for home.
Consequence? There have been literally hundreds of them - but we had a fresh new one today.
With Dan's pending project looking like a go (Yea!) we have been van shopping. His first check should be in next week! Wanting to help "rebuild" our credit - we thought it best to see if we could obtain a small loan for a used van - and asked Mom if she would co-sign. She agreed, so we began the process. Now mind you, my last three cars have been, well....modest. One was $2,500 - "Penelope" - and then came "Buck the Buick" for $350 - and last, but not least, my Previa was given to us! So with that back ground info. this will make more sense. We have been looking for a newer model to last us 5-7 years. We think we found it! Right color, right mileage -right friend selling it to us - everything! I honestly haven't allowed myself to get excited about too much these past few years, because most things have fallen through. But this morning, I was excited. I got dressed in my favorite skirt and shirt, and was hoping to hear from the bank that "It's a go! Go get your van!"

We heard the opposite. Even with Mom's co-signature we cannot obtain even a small loan.
Consequences stink. I can't help admitting that I am sad. I wanted to take the kids to the zoo as a surprise this week.

The loan officer's friendly voice calmly stated: "We reviewed your credit report and are sorry that we cannot offer you anything at this time."
What I heard was: "You morons, you can't afford anything. Keep making due with one car....we don't care that you have to get up early to get each other to work. You're in debt way over your eye balls. Go change from your favorite skirt to some work clothes, because you people really aren't worth our time."

There is most definately an emotional toll to being financially strapped. And we became strapped because of one very poor decision.

I'm so glad that I have made one RIGHT choice in my life....Jesus! I've decided not to be sad anymore, because in Jesus - I am rich. My poor choices have been covered at the foot of the cross by His precious blood, and the consequences for my sin have been removed. Can anyone say AMEN?!? All the beautiful Honda Odyssey's in the world can't compare with that! It's so easy to listen to Satan's lies when we are in the midst of trials. Last Sunday, Danny Biggers (Amy's uncle) had an awesome message at church. It was titled: "How Long Lord?" and was based on Psalm 13. What an applicable message for me that day. Faith is the substance of things not seen - so what a blessing it is that Dan and I cannot see our way out of this. God can, and that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how long, because He's the one in control of the "how long". He is the one that gently holds us as we walk through the consequences of our bad decisions here on earth. He does it without condemning us, but lovingly reminding us that He works out all things for good, IF we love Him. (Rom. 8:28-29) I praise you today Lord, for every trial and blessing you bring into my life. I thank you for taking the consequences of my sin - so that I can be with you.

Sigh.

2008-06-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

I find myself doing that alot lately. Sigh....deep breath....sigh again.

When I last wrote, I was so encouraged with the way that God continues to meet our needs - be the most amazing accountant - ever! He truly is amazing.

But today - in all honesty - I am wondering what God was thinking when He created teenagers.

Not all teenagers, mind you - just a few of them. :-)

After a very tiring day (up early for work, lots of loose ends to tie up at home, and then finding out that one of my very dear friends may have cancer, plus my Dad's cancer has returned - and we just had to cancel our trip to Mich. for lack of a vehicle. etc.) one of my boys and I got into an argument about oh...silly things....like driving uninsured, not paying traffic tickets and not registering purchased cars. It was way past my bedtime, we had an assortment of kids here visiting, and things took a downhill turn pretty quickly. I love this son of mine - he is bright and has so much potential - but I'd love him even if he didn't. Life is so complicated at times. Why does it have to be so hard? Sigh.

God is the best Accountant. Ever.

2008-06-11T03:18:00.000-07:00

As I begin to write the checks for the June bills, I noticed that the balance was rapidly decreasing. I went to bed a bit restless - it's so early in the month, and our money is almost gone. One thing I love about the Lord is the way He meets us in the quiet of the night. There are no other distractions, no jobs to be accomplished - just the two of us in the dark silence.
I asked Him to help us through.

Waiting is one of the worst things. I don't like it one bit. We're still waiting on word about Dan's Texas projects - "It's still a go!" we hear, the contracts are going back and forth now between lawyers (to Dan's dismay - one of these project contracts is 96 pages long!!! quite a feat to get through for a legally blind person) - but I say "show me the money!"

Over the years, I've tried very hard not to tell Dan financial, or other especially stessful things, in the evening because of his sleep problems. When morning came I told him that the balance was $615 in the check book, and we needed to pay our mortgage of $2,155.00 by June 11th, which was 2 days away. He went to work and was able to get an advance of $1,000K - and wouldn't you know? My check is due to be deposited on June 12th for $540.00, exactly what we need! So...the plan is that I'll write the house payment check after work, then hopfully (my paychecks are sometimes late - so I'm praying it's not) my check can then be transferred the next day, and we're all good. Every month, we press our "grace period" to the max, paying on the last possible day. I'm glad that God's grace period doesn't expire in my life.

The other part of the plan is to keep trust God - keep our focus on Him - and praise Him for the myriad of ways He still shows Himself strong on our behalf. He really is an amazing accountant.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

2008-06-05T05:08:00.000-07:00

If what God says is true (and of course, it is) - then I truely have no cause "for worry or for fear", as the writer of one of my favorite hymns states. If His eye is on the sparrow - certainly His eye is on us.

Then, WHY do I ??? That is the question I have wrestled with these past few weeks.

I didn't finish my last journal entry ("Darkest before Dawn") - but this one follows closely on the heels of that last one.

Sitting down at the table to write out the bills for June - I felt like having a meltdown. Just that day, I went online to check my bank account and I received two over the limit fees. A check had cashed for Michaela's upcoming orthodontist work, a check that I had called and left a message for to please not cash it just yet. Her braces would have to wait. We're still waiting on money.

Another creditor called and pretty much said..."DEBORAH FREDERICK!!! times up you guys. You have a few days to come up with some money or you will be in the hands of a lawyer." sigh.
We sold the aforementioned van for $200 last week - and she had a full tank of gas! I miss her. We've had to juggle with one car - and three drivers in the house that need to be places.

Little Marie Sue Chapman's accidental death was in the news this week. This hit me so hard - it could have happened to any of us. My heart has ached so much for this family this week.

I have a friend that received the news no one wants to hear: Her Mother's cancer is back.

My back has been hurting like crazy lately - with all the yard/house work and such.

But you know what? Lots of really great things have happened this week too.
Caleb's Open house was awesome! No rain, Jen and Pearl brought amazing food and we had fun.
Remember the bank fees mentioned above? I called, and they reversed them!
Three of our boys moved back home this past weekend. I've had more glimpses of them lately! (Last night Michaela was rubbing Seth's back, Zac and Moke played their guitars together, and I finally had a chance to sit down with Micah for a little while and catch up on his life.)
Dan has had the strength to keep working on these potential contracts. That is a huge praise!
My friend, Janet, worked on my back and I feel better.
My other friend (and her Mom) are receiving alot of grace from God for the upcoming cancer treatment. Their attitudes are so good!
I worked this Sunday, and we heard an awesome message at the Methodist church.
Little Malachi made it through his heart cath surgery, successfully!
My friend Jane - is starting to heal from her ordeal (brain surgery), her praises still intact.
In reading the accounts of little Maria's funeral - God has obviously shown up for them in a very big way as they have dealt with this tragedy. Donations are pouring in to help future families adopt children. Good is emerging in the middle of all the pain.
This morning, three of my dearest Mom friends and I are taking our kids away overnight to Lake Hope State Park - for a day or relaxing and hiking.

Life is really good despite all the trials and tragedies. I tend to forget how good God is on a day to day basis. Even though Dan's projects haven't come through yet, certainly God has! I only need to remember that His joy is our strength - He is in control - but best of all: He loves us!!! Someday all these trials will be put behind us, and we will be with Him.

When I see the sparrows again this morning, I'm going to remember that.

Darkest before Dawn

2008-05-15T05:07:00.001-07:00

Have you ever been out camping? Or just sleeping outside for the night?
I have on many occasions, and one of the things I distinctly remember about it is the deep, thick darkness that accompanies the hours right before the sun rises. It is usually damp and cold, and those predawn hours can seem so long!

We've experienced this in a variety of ways and in a myriad of circumstances over the years.
As I noted in the past blog, it appears that Dan is going to get one (or both!) of the projects in Texas! In the meantime - things are pretty dark here. I keep reminding myself to hang on - the Sun will soon rise.

On Monday, our van broke down - again. It was towed just last week. We've become pretty good friends with the AAA people (being on a first name basis and all now.) We had just put $175 into it, plus a full tank of gas - when Danielle broke down in it this time. Thankfully, the van stalled in a safe place - just before a big hill and a busy intersection just 1/2 mi. from our house. She had forgot her phone - and ended up walking home. So...once again...our van is sitting in a lonely spot behind the mechanic's shop. I had to borrow Mom's car yesterday to get to my yearly job review, as Dan had two meetings in the opposite direction. It reminds me of days gone by!

Today - we must speak with someone in Legal Aide about a past due credit card account. This is the LAST of our creditors to be settled! (Quite an amazing thing - considering that we began with 17 seperate creditors and accounts six years ago. God is so good and faithful! I can never, ever thank Him enough! To date: 16 of these accounts have either been settled, rolled into our home mortgage, or we are currently making monthly payments on them.) Anyway - this account is strictly in my name, so I have been taking the brunt of these phone calls. I don't like to be critical, but this company has consistently been rude, calling many times a day and leaving me harsh messages like "Deborah Frederick - you must call this number NOW..."etc. Anyway I did speak in person to the person in charge recently, and her tone was sharp and her comments cutting. At one point, she asked me in a rude tone - "Why haven't you tried to settle these debts?" I almost started crying as I quietly told her - "You have no idea."

I am trusting the Lord to show us how to survive financially until the dawn comes.

When I think of Jesus night in the Garden of Gethsemenae, I can hardly bear it. How dark that night must have been. The writer of Hebrews gives us an insight into how Jesus bore it:
"Who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross..."

Full Circle

2008-05-08T06:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was at work when I received two phone calls.

The first one was business: I have a yearly review by Carestar next week - the agency that I work for. The second one was more exciting! For months now, we have been awaiting word on whether Dan would get this work project in Texas. (there are actually TWO projects he has been working towards and hoping to get. They are actually located 6 miles from each other, in the same town in Texas. How ironic is that?) We are learning what it actually means to be patient - something you'd think a 46 yr. old has learned by now. Every so often (well, almost every day...) I'd ask Dan: "so...have you heard anything from Texas?" Every time, his unemotional response was the same: "You'll be the first to know".

True to his word, I was the first to know. It looks like he has landed BOTH of them! One is almost certain, the second is a close runner up. We are grateful beyond words! I honestly cannot even put into words the emotion that is running through me. It was all I could do to be a normal human being at work last night! I told my client the good news, as she and I have become pretty good friends this year, and after her congratulations and well wishes we went back to the normal routine. Inside - I was about busting at the seams though! I am so proud of my Dan. I am so grateful to my Lord!

Last night we had champagne. mmm...... it was wonderful sitting with my buddy and dreaming!

This morning, I wanted to read a Psalm of praise to the Lord - and so I flipped open to my favorite: Psalm 34. I don't know why I hadn't realized it before, but the day this Psalm became alive to me was noted in the margins of my Bible: Sept. 11, 2001. While Dan and I were on board a Royal Caribbean Cruise for our Anniversary, the twin towers fell. The whole day was surreal for us - the captain of the ship remained calm and reported the incidents as they were unfolding. Later the next day, reality really hit as some of the passengers on board realized that their co-workers back in New York probably were gone. We had a Memorial Service led by the captain. That is a service I will never forget, nor will I ever forget that feeling of helplessness that I had. We were way out in the Atlantic Ocean - our fellow Americans were suffering a loss like no other, and our kids were miles from us at home with friends and family.

I suppose that is why the words of King David in this Psalm meant so much to me.
"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and He delivers them.....
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." vs. 7, 18

So here we are - almost seven years later - and these verses are still speaking clearly to me! Looking back, 9/11 was the beginning of our financial crisis. Yet today, we are once again given hope that the Lord is able to restore what has been destroyed in our lives. Even if Dan didn't get these projects, I'm finally learning the simple truth that God is still good....all the time....despite any circumstances that He has allowed. No, He is MORE than good - He is higher than anything else, holier than even our best imagination of Him, and more loving, faithful and merciful than words can ever describe.

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." vs. 19
Amen - thank you for your promises Lord!

How Do I Love Thee, A.A.A.?

2008-05-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

This has been quite a day.
Isn't it funny, when you look back at the beginning of your day, that you realize that the Lord was in control of the whole thing? That is such a basic truth, but I realize it anew often.

This morning, the coffee was extra good. I don't know why, but it was. After reading a while in my Bible, I was drawn to my handwritten journal of 2002 - 2004. (The beginning of "Living on Daily Bread") The memories were so sweet as I flipped through each page and remembered each individual card, momento and thought that I had scribbled. One particular entry especially made me smile - because the title of that day was: "Three Kittens and Three Kids". I'm sure I'll reference that story in this finished project - so I'll just summarize it by saying that it was all about God meeting our exact needs. Not too little or too much - but often exactly what we need!

Another entry at the beginning made me smile:
October 28, 2002
"It is hard to put into words the many thoughts in the heart! But fall short as they may, they chronicle our days; the joys and pains, the simple and complex events that comprise our days ~
It has long been a desire of Dan and I to journal events in our lives that have brought us a new awareness of God's presense in our everyday affairs. The way He cares for us, provides for our needs~ even the people He uses to bless us! (and how MANY there have been!)
Each event and person is so special to us, that we want to pass these stories on to our children: (thus far: Nathanael, Caleb, Zachery, Seth, Micah, Danielle, Jon-Mark and Michaela).
We NEVER want to forget God's goodness! It brings joy to our hearts each time we recall these times ~ times that have changed us forever as we have grown in our faith in the Lord.
"...for we walk by FAITH
not by sight..." II Cor. 5:7
Over the years, I have saved bits and pieces of items to help me recall these acts of kindness and now it is time to pull all the pieces together.
Over and over again in Scripture I see examples of men and women of God "remembering"...where they have been, how God has led them, protected them, provided for them supernaturally. Whenever I am doubting the Lord's presense in my life, it does me great benefit to remember.
May this journal of bits and pieces, words and stories; weave together a tapestry that remains a testimony of the Lord's faithfulness in our lives.
To HIM be the glory ~ both now and forevermore!"

I have been working on this in my mind - for many years now!
Little did I know that exactly 4 years later, to the day, Nathanael would marry his Jen and our family would be blessed with our first daughter in law.
Little did I know then, that Dan would be dianosed with cancer in 2005.
Little did I know then, that my dear Titus 2 mentor, would have a brain tumor and go home to be with the Lord.
Little did I know then, that we would leave our beloved Church family in 2006, and start all over again in a new fellowship.
Little did I know then, that we would still be struggling on so many fronts - but primarily, with Dan's job and the finances.

I didn't know it then, but in the years to follow - the Lord would continue to be so real to me!

Life comes at you fast, as the insurance commercial illustrates!
Having this time alone with the Lord this morning greatly helped the outcome of what the day would soon hold. I started my day peaceful, grateful and so full of hope. Mid-morning, I had the opportunity to talk about the Lord and His goodness with a couple of my girlfriends. Things were definately going well today.

Weeks ago, I decided to have a garage sale. (Sigh...I know - it's a crazy thing to do and a LOT of work.) But we all worked hard (including some of my faithful friends!!!) - cleaning, sorting and organizing some of the rooms of our house. My main goal was to CLEAN and declutter the house - getting it ready for Caleb's Open House later this month. Of course I was hoping to make a little money too. It rained (as usual) but we cleared about $200 - plus Dan traded our two old couches (I was asking $50 for the pair) for a working laptop for me! I was thrilled. Years ago he wanted to get me a laptop so I could write more - especially for "Living on Daily Bread". I feel like such a grown up now....lap-top and all. :-)

Well...as expected, everything didn't sell, so I boxed up 8 seperate containers of stuff to try to sell to the local thrift shops. I was packed to the max! I was alone on my errands today - which was unusual. Danielle had to work, Jon-Mark had guitar lesson, and Michaela wanted to stay close to home. About mid-way through our trip, I noticed that our 1992 Toyota Previa wasn't running too smoothly. (We've loved this van! It was given to us, with new tires! almost 2 years ago. She's run like a top. Well...sometimes a noisy top with the clanks and all - but I've been most grateful for her. Even without air conditioning or a radio. She's just good reliable transportation! Plus, she came at a time when we desperately needed a van. If you haven't been a "shut - in" - without transportation, you won't understand what I mean. But for weeks we had to borrow vehicles just to get to very basic places: the grocery store, Co-Op, work, etc.)

I prayed out loud that the Lord would enable the van to get me home. I was feeling pretty good about things, since I had sold most of my leftover things for almost $50.00. The Lord did get me home late that afternoon - but it was in a AAA tow truck with our van in tow. Just about 5 miles from home the van started sputtering, then lost all power, and died. I coasted to the side of the road, but it was a busy part of this road and cars were just flying by me. I couldn't start it again to get completely off. Good old A.A.A.!!! I called and they informed me that they would be there in an hour. Two kind ladies stopped to check on me: One in a Lexus, and one in a Sherriff's car. Because I could see poison ivy on the side of the road - I opted to remain in the van with the windows down for the hour. even though it was hot. Thankfully, I had purchased a bottle of water just an hour before, plus just a day ago, I had put a small New Testament in my purse! I was all set. I read in Philippians, prayed some, and enjoyed reading a cook - book that I had just purchased for $2 at the thrift shop! I rehearsed things I was thankful for...hmmm....I don't have a bunch of little children with me, we still have a working Honda Civic, The Lord is working out Phil. 1:5 in my life! The hour went by quickly and the couple that picked me up were so friendly and helpful. I enjoyed visiting with them, and they dropped me off at home.

We've been so thankful for God and A.A.A. The two have retrieved us out of many tough situations. We've driven old vehicles for years so our yearly dues have been well worth it.

While I was in tow, Dan had another conference call for these two pending jobs. Back in January we heard that a decision should be made around March 6th. It will be May 6th tomorrow (Funnel's 26th birthday!) - and we're still not sure what the outcome will be. But we ARE sure that God is still in control, and remains faithful to care for us each and every day!

Four of the kids played frisbee golf tonight, Michaela and I enjoyed some Monopoly, and we even managed to get some major yard work done with the kids. The girls and I watched one of our favorite shows "Jon and Kate Plus Eight"~ (a show that ALWAYS makes me laugh!) plus we enjoyed the meal that Danielle made in my absense: Jasmine brown rice and chicken with Stir fry veggies. mmm.....it's been a very good day. I think one of my favorite parts was walking through the front door and talking to Danielle. Her comment was: "Isn't it amazing that we were thinkng about giving that van to someone else if Dad got the project - and here it broke down for US and not them! " I like her perspective on life. I can see the Lord teaching her through her time in the Word. Yes, a good day. Even if my van is sitting in a lonely spot in the back of the Mechanic's shop awaiting her verdit tomorrow. Even if we need to come up with about $2,300.00 just to pay our bills these next two weeks. It is really the Lord I love, not A.A.A. He continues to amaze me each and every day. As I posted on my facebook account:
Life is good, because God is good.

What Do I Have In My Hand?

2008-04-19T03:55:00.000-07:00

This week I am in quite a predicament.

Wanting to be the best manager of my home that I can possibly be, I've decided to have a Garage Sale to motivate me to really clean out each room. One of my sons is graduating from College soon, and we want to host an open house for him in a few weeks. Having a "deadline" to get things in order - is usually what I need to get moving. Even with the best of intentions, these things can be over whelming - but when it is all done and you look at a freshly cleaned and sorted house (and you hopefully have alittle money in your pocket from your sales - ) I believe most people look back and say "it was worth it!". But I'm not looking back yet - the sale is next week - so I need motivation to finish this task.

As I've sorted piles upon piles of clothes, dirty closets and corners, I've had some time to really think this week. One of the things I have been remembering is how the Lord has helped me to "use what is in my hand" when I've been down or discouraged about where we are financially. So many times we have these grand plans for what we want to do: We want to accomplish this or that - and yet if we look at our surroundings/talents/circumstances objectively, we will realize that we don't have the resources to truly do that thing.

Just this week, I opened the refrigerator and quickly threw together dinner with what I had on hand. It actually was quite good! I added a little bit of refried beans, some salsa, fresh cilantro -
a bit of corn, and we had a hearty meal. Not long ago, I made "soup" with the leftovers in the frige - and even I was impressed with this chowder concoction! Instead of multiple trips to the grocery store, I learned to look in my freezer and pantry, and be creative with our meals. It has been great seeing a completely organized freezer.

This whole discipline of using "what I have in my hand" has really opened my eyes to new possibilities that I may have otherwise over-looked, and not just in the food arena.

A few summers ago, I was longing to go to the Nursery and purchase some new plants to update our landscaping. There was no money for that - so instead, I cleaned out our paint closet in the basement and found that I had enough stain to spruce up the front porch flooring and railing. I also had many plants that I could "split", so I added lots of new growth around the property that way.

Sending cards is one of my favorite things to do - so I designed home made-cards using some reprints of my old photos and some cardstock. (cost: about .25!) Some of the photo's are funny, and some are just nostalgic so my family and friends enjoy them.

Going through our closets was another adventure. Pairing shirts with different pants and skirts gave me a new look, without spending a dime!

A few years ago, I wanted to encourage some of the young moms at our church - so the Lord gave me the idea of having them to our home for an evening of pampering. I made an inexpensive meal and set a pretty table with my best dishes. The girls and I did a song to sign language for them to enjoy. I set out all my unused home school supplies, games, toys, etc. for them to go through and take home. Then Candy, Danielle, Abby and I gave them manicures and pedicures while they were able to relax and laugh with each other. It was so much fun, and cost so little! I'll never forget that special evening. I learned through this that the Lord will enable you to serve, if you are just willing to use what He has given you! Stop looking around at every one elses talents (wishing you could sing, or teach, or whatever...) and just start using the gifts and talents that He has personally given to you!

I figured out that I could teach a class or two at the Co-Op, and essentially pay for my other kids classes.

A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine was having minor surgery. Wanting to help her, I told her that the girls and I had time to make her a few dinners for her freezer - and then added: "By the way - can I have ten dollars to buy the food to make these meals?" We both laughed. I wanted to use what I had "in my hand" (time..but no extra money this week!)

Most recently, in cleaning our house for the garage sale - I've moved alot of furniture. Several rooms have a new look now! Wanting to spruce up our bedroom (so Dan and I could have a peaceful place to retreat to in the evenings...) we rearranged it, added a bookcase and small table from downstairs, bought a very few accents (candles, a couple new pictures, a pillow and a lamp) and now we have a peaceful, organized and clean "new" room.

I think that learning to use what we have on hand encourages contentment. The Lord has already given us everything that we need! It also brings out some creativity in us, and gives us a sense of accomplishment even if we don't have the means to go out and buy alot of new things.

So....what do you have "in your hand" today?

Where do I begin? (My first post - 3/31/08)

2008-04-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

I am still a relative moron when it comes to the computer. I constantly need to ask my kids (even Michaela...) "should I check this?" "what does this mean?". But I must admit that it is a pretty cool tool when it comes to writing. Last night at Bible Study, one of the questions posed to us was this:"Based on Paul's testimony in Acts 20, have you ever had something you felt you SHOULD do, what was it? Now, have you ever had something that you have felt COMPELLED to do? Do you realize the difference?"Honestly, there were several things that popped into my head about things I have done that I felt I "should" do. Direct Bible School, dive into a "Purity" seminar for some girls that I know, be part of a Praise and Worship team that went into Nursing homes, etc.But I have only felt compelled to do two things in my life: have faith in allowing the Lord to bless us with a rather large family, and compile my journal of the past 5 years and write a book. The title will be "Living on Daily Bread". It is a testimony to God - for being the faithful, loving and merciful God that He is. He has literally carried me through months of waiting, uncertainty, hurt, and a myriad of other things - to lovingly show me who He is. Instead of wasting my days on things that will not last (like writing 22 limericks! which was fun)I feel compelled to sit down and start writing.
Posted by Debbie at 5:25 AM 0 comments

If my life is a book, here are some of the chapter titles.

2008-04-06T05:58:00.001-07:00

My mind was full of thoughts at work yesterday - so when I had a few free minutes, I wrote these potential chapter titles down.

1. Depression is so.........depressing
2. Various Trials
3. "I know I deserve my enemies, but I certainly don't deserve my friends"
4. For better, or for worse (Snoopy and Woodstock's story)
5. Secondary Infections
6. The up-side of Insomnia
7. What do I have in my Hand?
8. Gifts come in all forms
9. Lessons about myself - and it isn't pretty
10. Perseverence:
11. Everyday joys - realizing that sorrow and joy run on parallel planes
12. "Everything I needed to know about life I learned in Kindergarten"
13. For such a time as this
14. "Be Thou my Vision"
15. A Tribute to my Dan
16. A Tribute to my Lord
17. If you don't laugh, you'll cry
18. "Suck it up, Creme Puff"
19. Would you like some cheese with that whine?
20 How to live without health insurance, cell phones, and other "necessities" of life
21. When it rains, it pours
22. " Life is a chair of bowlies"
23. My case for kids
24. Learning to "Trust and Obey"
25. When all is said and done......

Why - "Living on Daily Bread?"

2008-04-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

In August of 2005, Dan and I had a difficult decision to make.

He was still actively trying to get more work in to pay off our debt...and an interesting potential project came up. Our decision was: do we risk making a trip down to Atlanta to meet the potential client - with little money and a weary car (our 1994 Ford escourt wagon, "Penelope "- was beginning to show her age.) Or...do we let this great opportunity pass?

After praying and considering all of our options - we decided to go for it. Dan made the arrangements for the meeting, we pooled what money that we had available, packed the car, and headed out to hot Atlanta. I was very nervous about whether Penelope would make the trip through the mountains - but we both had peace about our decision to go. I jokingly said we may have to sell her old body in the mountains!

We have always enjoyed traveling together. We generally try to visit a wide array of topics that we've been putting off - until we have a few quiet hours together. (A hard commody for us to come by with 8 kids). We were genuinely enjoying the trip - until we entered the eight lane traffic surrounding the Atlanta area. I don't know if you've ever driven in eight lanes of traffic - but I'd rather have a root canal than do that. I don't like alot of traffic when I'm driving. I'm famous for always taking the back roads and avoiding the highways like the plague. As I kept talking myself through the drive - I noticed that the back wind shield was clouding up. Odd - we'd never had that happen before. Before long, Dan had diagnosed the problem - we were losing transmission fluid , and fast. Every exit sign we made it past seemed like a great victory lap! We had appx. 40 miles to go to make it to Dan's first meeting.

By the grace of God and against many odds:
1. I didn't panic and wreck.
2. We made it to our destination!

We LITERALLY coasted (not drove - ) into the parking lot, and then Penelope died.
It was sad. But we were elated!!! Dan had his meeting with a millionaire(again - literally) who had flown there in his own jet. I was priviledged to meet this man too - what a great guy. The meeting went well and we were so thankful to have made it. Our next decision - what do we do with our broken car sitting in the parking lot? I found out that my AAA membership had JUST expired two weeks prior. Oh man!!! I called them anyway - told them our situation - and they informed us they were on the way.

Car towed, back in our hotel room that night - Dan was preparing for perhaps the most important business meeting of his life. It was exhilerating and terrifying at the same time. We spoke on the phone to a good friend of ours - and she offered her undying support and encouragement for the day ahead. The next morning as I looked at him, all dressed up in suit and tie, I couldn't help but think of how the Lord had miracuously brought us to this point. We wanted to have a quick time in the Word before he left, so as he finished getting ready I flipped open my "Light For My Path" topical bible verse book. I opened to the chapter listed under God's Guidance, and the first verse I read was to him was this:
"I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them."
Isaiah 42:16

Since Dan has been legally blind since 1983, we both took great encouragement from the verse and forged ahead into the day, expecting to esperience the Lord in yet a new way.

To make a long story short: Dan's meeting went well, but there was no immediate commitment for the project. We retrieved our beloved Penelope from the radiator shop, and hoped and prayed for a safe trip home. The technition told us to keep fluids on board, and stop often to refill the radiator tank.

We were crusing through Tennessee when we noticed the first signs of car failure. We pulled off and again, coasted into a parking lot! This time the establishment belonged to "Turbo Towing and Rental". The assessment of Penelope wasn't good. It now appeared that we had transmission problems as well. Thankfully, this shop offered us a chance to slow down and sit. We were both weary from the trip, and wanting desperately to get home to the kids. The men at the shop were entertaining and friendly, and Dan commented that the only thing missing from this picture was a three legged dog ! A few hours later, we decided to sell the owner our car for $500 (which he would send to us upon receipt of our title) - try to locate a rental car- and head for home. It's really amazing to be so dependent upon God. Because of our poor credit, we have been unable to use credit cards for years. For most people, this would be a simple solution: charge your credit card with a rental - and head home! But as we've come to experience, life isn't so simple when you are literally struggling financially to make it each week. Thankfully, we have an awesome daughter named Danielle who has consistently allowed us to borrow money from her! After calling her, she transferred some money into our debit account, and we set about finding a rental.

The timing of everything continued to be impeccable! We JUST made the phone call to the rental office before they closed, the finance' of one of the shop workers was able to drive us the 20 miles to pick up our rental, and again - we were on our way home.

(and guess what! As we prepared to say farewell to Penelope, Dan took a picture of me beside her. Who should appear, but a very friendly three-legged dog, tail wagging -ready to escourt us off the property! Also as we pulled out, the owner came up to us, and pulled out $500 cash from his shirt pocket. He said...'You know - you don't need a whole lot of time to figure out whether someones a good person or not. Just send me the title when you get home." I still have this gentleman's address and signature in my collection of beloved things!)

As we recounted the incredible events of the previous two days, we couldn't help but laugh. The Lord had faithfully prepared our way and cared for us as only He can!

Then, just a few hours from home, we witnessed the aftermath of one of the most horrific car accidents I have ever seen. A van was literally ripped in half, and several bodies were in the median with sheets over them. Traffic opposite from us was backed up for hours. As we later learned, a semi truck had entered opposing traffic, and had killed an entire family. Times like these have served to keep Dan and I reminded of what is really important in life. Financial strain is tough, but it is NOTHING compared to what some people endure. We arrived home exhausted, sober, excited to see our kids, but most of all: grateful.

The next afternoon I was telling my friend about some of the events that the Lord had graciously brought us through, and I said..."It's like we're learning to live on "daily bread" from the Lord. My comments used to be that the Lord is getting us through - week by week - but now I realize how dependent we are upon Him, each and every day." She instantly responded: "Well, there is the title for the journal that you've been writing and telling me about!"

"Living on Daily Bread" initially started out as a journal of the ways God provided for us monitarily. But it has emerged into so much more. More importantly in the years to follow, I learned that I couldn't survive a day without God's written and living Word. He literally has "spoken" to me - with words of comfort, reproof, correction and encouragement - and these words have given me the strength to go on.

I'm excited about compiling this journal of mine! May it someday serve to encourage yet another weary soul to press on with God, and forever remain as a written testimony and praise to my precious Lord.

The Top Ten Things about being Poor...

2008-04-03T07:18:00.000-07:00

After my last post - I started seeing the humor in some of all this, so...here for your consideration are the top ten things (I've found) about being poor:
In random order:
1. You can mess with the bill collectors on the phone.
(Not too much of course, but alittle. They technically are not supposed to hang up on you, so you can keep them on the line by asking them some crazy questions: "So - if you were to have a yard sale - would you use bright green or orange poster board to advertise?")

2. No one looks at you to pick up the tab if you occasionally eat out.

3. When you pull into the church parking lot and your old van is smoking, no one even notices it any more.

4. You have the opportunity to respond to ridiculous questions like:
"Have you thought of having a yard sale to clear your debt?" I kid you not - one of my friends in a situation similar to ours was asked that question.

5. When a stranger says she had a HUGE disaster that day (her dog put muddy paw prints on her kitchen floor)...you can smile ever so emphatically and say - Wow - I know what you mean.

6. You get to open lots of extra mail, as the bills pour in....and then the shut off notices, the threatened court cases, etc. You never knew you were so popular!!!

7. Forget getting the jitters about going to the Dentist! You don't have the money - so you don't go! It's simplier that way.

8. On a similar note: no worries about health issues! You don't have the money to go to the doctor - so kind of...ignorance is bliss!

9. Since the grocery budget has been slashed - you can finally indulge in all that "cheap" food that you secretly love.....pasta, ramen noodles, and more pasta. (When you gain 30 lbs. - you have a really good excuse.)

10. This one is serious:
You get to know God in a very personal way! He provides you with comfort customized just for YOU as He displays His miracles to you in every day circumstances. He lovingly sends friends to you, provides for your daily needs (not always wants), and NEVER leaves or forsakes you. This is THE best part of being poor! And for this one - I will always be grateful.

Monday and Reminders

2008-04-02T11:59:00.001-07:00

Contrary to most people, I love Monday's. For the past nine months, I have worked primarily Fridays and Saturdays (and one Sunday a month...) so to me, Monday is like my Friday. Tuesday through Thursday is busy with house upkeep, home schooling, Co-Op, errands, etc. and then it's back to work on Friday morning by 7 a.m.

It's just such a nice day. Especially if its alittle rainy, I feel justified in keeping my lounge pants and slippers on. I like to take it easy in the morning - drink an extra cup of coffee, do some reading, catch up on my mail, etc.

A few months ago, I had the bright idea that I would sleep in on Monday. Bad idea. I had no more turned over to go back to sleep, than the phone rang. Was it a friend? An emergency? No, it was the never ending barage of a bill collector. Once awake from the ring, I couldn't go back to sleep again. As I came downstairs and sat on the couch, trying to awake my mind to get going for the day, I realized how much my heart hurt.

An occasional phone call from a bill collector is a common occurance for most people...you know...you misplaced the bill, forgot to mail it, etc. But for our family, that common occurance turned completely around a few months after 9/11.

It's a long story, but the Readers Digest version is this: Before this time, we had impeccable credit. We worked long and hard to build our home, completely out of debt. We made alot of sacrifices, learned to be patient and waited for our dream to unfold. We even lived for a total of almost 4 years in a little house on Dan's parents property - with no indoor plumbing, running water or conventional heat! Many people helped us in a variety of ways - because Dan had to deal with being legally blind as of 1984. He has an amazingly resilient spirit! He learned to deal with it, and keep working. But it was so worth the wait. We finished our home slowly as we had the money available.

Since we had great credit, we loaned a business money - with our home as collateral. Little did we know what a huge lack of judgement this was on our part. The business subsequently declared bankrupcy a few years later, and we were written off for thousands of dollars in court. That was bad enough - but there were interpersonal relationships involved, and life was all of a sudden constantly strained.

The dream had unraveled - but God was there in the midst of it all.

Almost instantly, we began having upwards of 40-50 phone calls a day - mostly from bill collectors. I kid you not. I even have witnesses. One time my Dad came down for a visit, and as we were sitting at the table trying to visit - we heard the phone ring almost constantly. We were evening receiving phone calls late into the evenings, and sometimes early on Sunday mornings. It was relentless. There were days I was in tears, frustrated beyond words, as I tried to keep our home life together, keep my part time work up, keep home schooling, keep the meals on the table. Because Dan was often at work, away from the phone - it became almost a breaking point for me. Often he would return their calls after he arrived home, doing the best he could to give every bill collector alittle piece of the financial pie coming in. One of the best gifts he ever bought me was an answering machine, with caller ID - so I could gain some assemlance of order in our day again. This was, I was still available if there was an emergency with one of our parents, or the kids - and we could still receive messages from friends and family. But now we were able to return the phone calls when we were more prepared - with the specific bill folder in front of me - ready to make some type of offer or consideration.

Few people truly understand the stress that is put upon a marriage when financial disaster hits. It's so easy for tempers to flare and blame to fly everywhere. But I want to offer one word of encouragement to those that find themselves in a situation such as ours - persevere! I of all people, understand what it is like to go from being an upstanding good citizen, paying your bills on time, to the scum of the earth - often overnight.

Last time I looked, the year is now 2008, which means that we've been dealing with this financial pressure for about 7 years now. Even this week, I had two interesting things happen. Monday morning - again!!! I had a sales person call wanting to renew our subscription to a publication. When I told him that money was tight, plus the fact that my husband was legally blind, and often unable to keep up with the publications anyway - he resonded: "Well, can't you read it to him?" Read it to him? Is he nuts? I had to laugh as I wished him a great day. Just two paragraphs ago, the U.P.S. truck stopped, and I was handed a large "URGENT" envelope. Another creditor - needing to hear from us - now! now! now!!!

I have no idea if anyone will ever read this blog. I write, just to write. To clear my head. To journal, to hopefully, some day - compile these testimonies as an offering to my Lord. He has been so real to me in the midst of all this! But if you're reading this, amazed that someone else out there - perhaps someone you've never met somehow can understand what you're going through, then I say please, hang in there friend. I still have no idea how this is all going to pan out for our family. We could still lose our home. We may never recover from this loss. But in the meantime, I take a great deal of comfort in the Apostle Paul's words:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfot we ourselves have received from God." II Cor. 1:3-5

This passage has become my life's purpose! So please receive the comfort that can only come from God. He, thankfully, doesn't try to reach you by phone on early Sunday mornings. He is always there, only a prayer away...and His Word is living and powerful, and can meet you exactly where you are today.