"Therefore, We Do Not Lose Heart."

"Therefore, we do not lose heart." period.
It is Wednsday afternoon, 2/10/10.
As I was cleaning out my kitchen cabinet today, I found a treasure that I had forgotten about - a can of Italian Wedding Soup that I had purchased for myself and hidden away. I'm enjoying every bite of it right now as I sit and listen to another gem I found this week, my CD of Hymns produced by "Haven of Rest". Both of these are so soothing to my soul.
It's been a long day. I've been on the phone with Jim, spent time on the internet trying to find airline tickets to Nashville, plus submitted a story on Charles and Bernice to the Columbus Dispatch. (side note: I just found out that my arrival time and that of the twins coming from Ghana, is at the same time on Sunday night! I may finally get to hold those sweet babies!)
I chose to eat my wedding soup tonight in honor of my beloved friend Vicky, who I believe will be with her bridegroom tonight, or very soon. I can't believe the events of the past few days. The healing that we have all prayed for may not happen here - but rather in heaven. Bitter-sweet. For the first time yesterday, I allowed my mind to visit a place I had refused to go earlier. My friend may soon be with Jesus! I'm a mix of crying tears of joy and tears of sadness.

So many pleasant memories have flooded my heart these past few weeks. She, my Titus Two Woman, would never cease to smile when she saw me. She affectionately called me "Sweetie pie" or "honey bunny". She has given me advice on all kinds of things: herbs, decorating, home-schooling, parenting, being a dauther, mother, wife; but most of all, encouragement on how to be a believer in Christ. She led by example.

Why does Paul write to the Corinthian believers and tell them not to lose heart? In the previous verses he explains: (4:7 - 10)
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."

Vicky's "jar of clay" is almost unrecognizable as the Vicky I've known. I haven't been with her since mid-December, and even then, it was hard to comprehend what the cancer had done to her body. Another family friend is by her bedside now, and said that it is hard to believe what devastation she has endured. Nathan took a pic of her with a freshly, bathed Scarlett sleeping next to her in the hospice room, but Jim said it would not be posted for other's to see.

I'm so thankful that we can fully trust our Lord.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." II Cor. 4:16-18


2/11/10
The sun is starting to rise over the blanket of white snow that is almost blinding.
It is now hours later....I'm still waiting to hear..is Vicky with the Lord yet?
I was wide awake at 5:23 a.m. this morning. I think many of us are now begging the Lord to take our friend home, to indeed give her relief from her distress.
"Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer.." Ps. 4:1

In the midst of our darkest times, it comforts me immensely that the day and night are the same to God. He is as close as the air that we breathe. As I was thinking of Vicky last night, memories of being with my brother as he died entered my mind. Death, it seems to me, is parallel to birth in so many ways. Like a women entering transition as she prepares to give birth to her baby, so it seems that those that are leaving this earth are also intermingled physically and spiritually in a transition. One's mind and spirit must focus on where they are going - what lies ahead. I know that Jim and Kermit (Nathan) had intentions of verbally telling her that it was o.k. to go now...that they would be fine. I think Jim said that he was going to tell her it was up to her and Jesus.

In the meantime - those of us here confined by human bodies and time go through the motions of life as best we can. I feel anxious, nervous and sad - but on the other end of the spectrum, I am SO excited for her, I can hardly stand it! As Paul reminds us in II Cor. 2:9, "However, as it is written; 'What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived - these things God has prepared for those who love Him'".

2/11/10 Evening
As I was making last minute preparations before bed, I received the phone call I was anxiously anticipating, yet still dreading. "She went home to be with the Lord about 10 minutes ago. She is with Jesus now, her suffering is over." Jim's voice quivered, and then became strong. I thought of the verse I had been quoting in my mind so many times today:
"To be absent with the body, is to be present with the Lord."
Dear Jesus - she is with you!

2/12/10
After talking with Jim last night, it was decided that I would see if I could post-pone my flight until Sat. morning, so Jim and Kermit could get some rest, and begin to grieve in privacy. It couldn't have been any easier: a click here, a deleting there, and my flight was changed and I was issued a $40 credit! Thanks, Lord - He has a way of helping me when I'm so indecisive.
I'm still numb today. I finally was able to sit down and write a brief note about her on my facebook account. So many of my friends have faithfully prayed for her! I wanted to share with them what a wonderful friend she was. Here is my note:

In Memory of my friend Vicky ~
As I was packing my suitcase last night, anticipating my early flight this morning - my dear friend Vicky took her final flight to heaven. She passed from this life to the next peacefully with Jim and Nathan in the room with her. Although I am heavy hearted with many others right now, I am equally as happy knowing that her battle is over that she is face to face with her blessed Savior!


I used to call her my "titus two friend" and she affectionately called me "honey bunny" or "sweetie pie". She taught me important and serious spiritual truths as well as modeling for me beauty in the everyday: how it was important to have fresh flowers occasionally (even if we couldn't afford it) or how to redecorate a room by rearranging things and adding a few new pillows plus an inexpensive vase. Vicky Sue was the perfect southern belle! She always had time for me and would be the most gracious host, even if the kids and I dropped by unexpectedly. She answered hard questions, but wasn't afraid to say that it was o.k. to live with unanswered ones too. Whenever we would get together with the her family (Vicky, Jim and Nathan,who we affectionately named "Kermit") there would always be laughter. I will miss that laugh. More than anything, I think she showed me what a woman of faith looked like. Especially in the last year few years of her life, I observed a woman clinging to God in the midst of so many losses - her mother, her home to a fire, and eventually her health. I've learned so much from her and will miss her terribly.

Our loss is heaven's gain - so the saying goes, and I believe it is true. When I think of her, I honestly think of so many passages of Scripture - but the one that comforts and inspires me most today is found in Philippians 3:12 - 14. It's as if I can hear her voice in Paul's words before she left:
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

You did press on, dear friend, and you have now received the prize! I praise God for your life!


2/13/10
I've decided to journal another day or two, before I post this entire entry. I'm working through the grief process like so many others at this time. I'll be leaving soon for the airport. I only slept about 2-3 hrs. last night...not sure why. This is a trip that will be good and yet hard.

Evening...
Made it! Scarlett (Vicky's sweet puppy) and I are sitting here finishing the Chipotle Kermit bought me for dinner. Jim and Kermit made it to church, which I think will be awesome for them. Because of Vicky's illness, Jim has been unable to attend for months. I think the guys are doing really well. Jim alternates between laughing and crying, which I think is healthy. He has recounted to me some of the painful moments in her last weeks of life. I can't believe I haven't shed a tear here (I think I'm all cried out.) When I was here in December, helping to care for her, it was so hard. She was in so much pain then. I'm so relieved she's with Jesus! He really has conquered the grave! Praise Him, someday the pain of this life will all be over.

I am reminded of her everywhere here ~ the decorating, her pantry staples that I organized for the guys (she introduced me to Almond butter - yum!), her stack of books and her beloved Bible. I held it close and thanked her for being such a wonderful, godly friend to me. Seeing her glasses touched me too as I pondered how Vicky saw the world. She tried to find beauty in so many things! Jim and I picked out an outfit for her to be buried in, which will be Tuesday. They found a small cemetary close by, and she will be buried without chemicals (embalming - I told him, is optional). I like that - it so fits her natural bent! He also told me that he is going to use a photo of her in her wedding gown, to be placed over the casket. What a wonderful idea - Vicky meeting her bridegroom! We must have been on the same page - remember me eating that Italian wedding soup? ; )
I'm so blessed to be here. It is a wonderful way to say good-bye to her. I will miss you, dear Titus-two friend, but will be with you again.

So This is What Love Is...

This Valentine's Day may turn out to be one of the sweetest I have ever experienced.

If all goes well, twins Elikem and Selikem (age 2) from Ghana, Africa, will board a plane in Accra and travel with a family friend to the bitter cold temperatures and twenty inches of snow in Columbus, Ohio. They will be here for one purpose, to finally be united with their family around the bedside of their dying 4 year old brother, currently being cared for in Children's Hospital.

Looking back two months ago, I had no idea the impact that this little family would have on my life. Back in November, I was immersed in the details of two other family friends that were also spending much time in Children's Hospital. Sophia Hope, who turned 2 just yesterday, has been battling leukemia since she was 9 months old. Another cancer fighter joined the place in August of this year, 17 year old Paula Winkler. She was anticipating a missions trip to Brazil with her family and unexpectedly found herself in the hospital beginning months of chemotherapy, also for leukemia. It was tragedy and hope that brought all these families together. Somehow, my family still healthy and intact, was blessed immeasurably as I became a part of all their lives.

Bernice and Charles Ayivor were also going about their normal lives in Accra, Ghana in the month of July. Their four year old son, Kekelia, came home from his last day of school with an unexpected and unusual problem; he was having trouble walking. Soon, his speech began to slur and his parents hearts began to sink. What could possibly be wrong with their active, vivacious little boy? No one could have anticipated what the next three months would hold for this young family. Keke would be admitted to a hospital in Accra with the diagnosis of a brain tumor. During the days, Bernice, now several months pregnant with their four child, would stay by his bedside as he suffered the effects of the tumor. For three months, she barely saw her then 18 month old twins. During the night, Charles would stay by his bedside in a modest, blue chair, often catching only a few minutes of sleep as he would lay his head on the foot of his son's bed. Keke shared a room with many patients, and so quiet and sleep was hard to come by.

Bernice's Father resides in Columbus, Ohio and works for O.S.U. Perhaps a Doctor in Children's Hospital would have the skills and necessary facility to help cure Keke? The little family made the agonizing decision of sending Bernice, Keke and his Dr. (who would return to Ghana immediately after the flight) in the hopes of finding a cure. Bernice, now less than two months from her due date with her new baby, would find the strength to stay at her son's bedside, and her beloved husband Charles, would continue to work as he could and care for their twins, or "tweenies", as they are lovingly called. The family was separated by an entire ocean - but did it all for the love they had for their Kekelia. Hope was high that a surgery could be performed, Keke recover, and Bernice fly home with him before the new Ayivor came.

Hope turned into saddness, as this young boy was placed in hospice care at Children's almost immediately. There was no surgery, no procedure, nothing that the Doctors here in the states could offer the heart broken family. From Oct. 31 until Dec. 14th, Bernice, and her father, hoped for the best at Keke's bedside. On Dec. 14th, little Klenam Ayivor made his entrance into this world - far from his natural homeland and his father, and twin siblings. Back home, visa's were applied for - by Charles and the twins. Charles arrived in Port Columbus on Christmas Day. He came and faced instant joy and sorrow as he met his newborn son for the first time, only minutes later to be at the bedside of his beloved and terminally ill son.

During those difficult days at Children's, Bernice found comfort and friendship with another family - Paula Winkler's family. It wasn't long before Tammy had placed Bernice's story on her caringbridge website - so other people could pray for these brothers and sisters in Christ that were so far from their home. And that is where I came in...first to correspond with Bernice via e-mail, then phone calls, and finally with a hug as we met for the first time. We marveled at how hope and tragedy came together to intertwine new friendships and bonds that will most likely, last a lifetime.

I have kept every message and e-mail from Bernice and Charles because I never want to forget this family, even when they return to their warm home in Accra. Our hearts have become bonded together first and formost, through our shared faith in Christ. I have been inspired by their strength and absolute refusal to complain, even though it seems they have a reason or two to do so at this time. They have shared their faith, their lives, their testimony and their hopes with us. We have typically had lunch together at the Ronald McDonald house on Fridays as I bring "Panda Express" in for all of us to enjoy. We've laughed over the cultural differences. (One day in November, very seriously, Bernice asked Tammy and I: "I must ask you a question: How long does this Winter last?" Tammy and I hated to break the news to her that our cold winter months were just beginning! I hadn't thought about the fact that they were unaccustomed to cold temperatures, let alone 20 inches of snow on the ground.) We've also become "facebook friends", and through that avenue, I've introduced her to many of my friends. Tammy has orchestrated a Baby Shower to be held for baby Klenam (recently rescheduled because of the inclement Ohio weather). We have come very close to crying together as we have pondered the outcome for Keke, if God does not choose to heal him. We have shared our mother's hearts and I have grown to love this beautiful woman as if I've known her my whole life. I am amazed at how quickly women, living lives thousands of miles apart, can have so much in common. On our last trip in, I gave her a turquise necklace and matching ear rings to remember me by when she returns home.

Today, a new crisis has arisen. 911 was called for Bernice yesterday to transport her to Grant Hospital, where she called me from today. Her rheumatism became so severe that the pain was out of control. I am praying that she is resting peacefully tonight, and that Charles is able to care for his newborn son with so many other responsibilities pressing on him.

In all of this, they have never complained. Charles said something like this: "I would have never chosen this trial for my family, but had it not occured, I would never have known the provision and kindness of God in our dire situation". It has been joyful to observe the body of Christ come together to help care for their physical and financial needs. It has been inspiring to observe the outstanding care that Keke is receiving at Children's Hospital. It has been heart warming to visit them at the Volunteer run McDonald Home, which has been their wonderful home, away from home.

As Charles and Bernice face their uncertain future here in the States, I can only imagine what must be running through their minds, especially in the middle of the night when they cannot sleep. Will their jobs still be there when they return? Bernice, an expert in three languages, has a job with the Government. Charles is a gifted artisian that creates and makes beautiful, custom leather sandles and shoes. We were delighted to see pictures of at least 50 of his creations! Months ago, he was employing eight workers as he ran one of the three custom shoe shops in Accra. He is now down to one employee. Hope is placed in God to help them daily, to provide for their physical and financial needs here, and that someday their life will be restored to some assemblence of normal once they return to their home in Africa. Everytime I am with them, our conversation always returns to their gratefulness - to God, to this kind country and to the body of Christ here in Central Ohio. I will never look at my "difficult" circumstances the same.

Just this past week, many of us were on the phone trying to make an appeal concerning a problem with the twins visa being denied (a long story - so thankful to report it was finally resolved). Resuming my normal school activities last Tuesday, I was reviewing some of the Ohio facts for my daughter. I came across our state motto: "With God, All things are possible". I wrote to Bernice that night and told her of our state motto, and my firm belief that she and her family were temporary Ohioians for a purpose. As I read her reply via e-mail that night, I could hear her beautiful African accent as she proclaimed: "I love it! Yes, we KNOW that with God, ALL things are possible."

Perhaps on Valentines Day this year, we'll see with our own eyes the reuniting of a family seperated by miles, but never by love.