"I Will Rise"

Friday evening will be forever etched in my mind as an evening of awe and great saddness. I attended the Memorial Service for Joshua Gulvas, age 21, who lost his life in a hiking accident in Colorado on Sept. 12th, 2009.

Unfortunately, I never had the privilege of meeting this remarkable young man. I am friends with his mother, Shelley, and also know their daughter, Anna. We don't see each other very often, but we tend to pick right up where we left off. Shelley has a heart for the Lord that is intense, vibrant and contagious! When news came to me concerning Josh's situation in the Colorado wilderness, I was beyond shocked. He and his Dad, Rand, had only parted ways for a short time at the end of their hike. Josh never made it to the rendevous point, and from Tues. evening until Friday afternoon, his parents, family and friends lived through a nightmare that I personally cannot even imagine. Word went out via news, radio, cell phones and the internet. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of believers were all praying for his safe return. That safe return never came. We ALL had hopes that Josh would be found alive. When his body was found at the bottom of a 300 ft. cliff, it sent shock waves of disbelief, questions of "why now? why Josh" through hundreds of people.

I can think of few things that "rock" the soul of a believer more than unexpected tragedy. We all know that accidents happen, that isn't the issue. But it is one thing to KNOW that things happen, and yet quite another to experience that on a personal level. At one point in the Memorial, it was shared that Rand had a response to the comment: How do you deal with such a tragedy? He responded that if Josh DIDN'T know Christ, that would have been the real tragedy. What a courageous response from a father whose heart was breaking in two.

This service was powerful. It actually reminded me of another Memorial Service that we attended almost exactly a year ago - yet again another 21 year old christian young man that had died in a car accident. A young man engaged to be married. Josh's Memorial was a perfect blend of true worship to the Lord, in the midst of searing grief and human loss. Earlier in the afternoon, the family had already been present in a private ceremony where Josh's remains were laid to rest. The evening was reserved for family and friends to come together to remember Josh's life.

The sanctuary at New Life Church was full of pictures of Josh, surrounded by many of his personal things. His "scrubs" with the badge - "Otterbein Nursing Student", his well worn jeans, lots of pictures, pictures of him being kissed by little Anna, a large canvas picture of him pointing to his "No. 4" jersey from soccer, his guns, soccer balls, frisbee's, favorite books and old tennis shoes. It felt strange to be among his personal "stuff", but it also felt comforting to know that these things would comfort his family in the long days and weeks ahead. A small reminder of the Josh that was here on earth, who is presently in heaven.

Worship music filled the building as hundreds of people sang:
"Blessed be your name
in the land that is plentiful,
where the streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name,
on the road marked with suffering,
though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name."

Testimonies followed by those that knew and loved Josh most intimately. A letter read by dear, sweet little Anna, ending with "you were the best big brother ever, and I will miss you!" An older sister's tribute to her little brother, so eloquently put to words by her heartfelt love for him. A life long friend that had the privilege of being escourted to her prom by Josh (when her previous date suddenly cancelled). Grown young men, reduced to tears, cracking voices and quivering hands. Men that had funny stories about the adventurous Josh and also the prankster Josh. Serious paragraphs were read also, about how Josh's life showed the love of Christ in his everyday actions and words, and how these actions and words had served to challenge others in their walk with Christ. After each testimony, Shelley and Megan would rise from their seat to offer their quiet "thank you's" and give each contributor a long embrace. At the conclusion, Shelley couldn't keep herself back, and stood at the podium herself, Rand right at her side. She gave the final, unexpected tribute, when she said that she couldn't sit there and not tell us what a wonderful son Josh had been to her. She said that she was the luckiest mother alive - and that she would miss him everyday for the rest of her life. (She made me laugh when she said..."On mother's day, some of my friends would get a paragraph from their son, and Josh would write me three pages!" She barely made it through her tears, but at last admitted that a part of her had also died with him that day, and nothing would ever be the same. I don't believe there was a dry eye in the sanctuary, that literally held hundreds of people.

Another song was sung:
"I will rise, when he calls my name; no more sorrow, no more pain!
I will rise, on eagle's wings, before my God, fall on my knees, and rise...
I will rise."

As the song began to cresendo, it felt as it the Lord allowed each of us there a very brief, small view where Josh was now, where we would be some day:
"I hear the voice of many angels sing, Worthy is the Lamb!
And I hear the sound of many voices sing - WORTHY IS THE LAMB!"
It is the strangest thing to have human tears streaming down your face in grief,
and yet your soul rising to the heights of joy just THINKING about being with Him!

The place was perfectly quiet as a picture montage of Josh's life showed on two big screens at the front. What a sweet little boy he must have been! Pictures with family, with friends, being silly, being sporty. The last dozen or so photo's showed Josh and Rand on Sept. 5-6th on their hiking trip in Colorado. The scenery was indeed breath taking! One photo I will never forget, showed Josh at the top of a large cliff. His hands were outstretched and the sun was shining behind him as he stood there all alone - basking in the contentment of being in that rugged, beautiful place. Little did he know, little did anyone know, that that would be the last picture taken of him here on this earth. It was eerie and it was serene. The Lord knew that Josh would be with Him soon.

The evening closed as the family came forward and close friends and family encircled them as we prayed for their comfort that night and in the many long weeks ahead. Sobs broke the silence from time to time as the grief overflowed from one family member to the next. I appreciated those sobs, in a weird sort of way. When death comes and believers ONLY celebrate the life of the loved one who is now in heaven, it leaves me confused. What about the grief? What about the mourning? Isn't that a very real part of death, even for those of us who know that we possess Jesus, the resurrection and the life? Even Jesus wept. We can rejoice that our loved ones are in the presence of Jesus, but we can also wail and mourn that we no longer have them here with us on this earth. We grieve not for them, but for us.

I am reminded again of the berevity of life. Life is a fragile gift, each and every day. "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Ps. 90:12
Thank you, Joshua Gulvas, for living your short life to the fullest and for being a Christ follower that pointed others to Him. Thank you, Shelley, for being my random friend, and for the brief times we've been together to laugh and cry about "life". Thank you, dear Jesus, for the comfort that only you can give. Thank you for paying the price for our sins, that we may be made righteous in your sight. Thank you, dear Father, that someday all these trials will be behind us, and we will forever be in your presence!

Where did the Summer Go?

A few years ago, I remember thinking about life in terms of Seasons. Fall - a glorious time to enjoy the weather, prepare for the coming cold months. Winter - a sometimes long and hard season to get through with trials and barrenness. Spring - promise of hope as life emerges from the death of Winter - and last, but not least, Summer! A time to harvest, but also a time to play in the sun.

This summer has flown by. I jokingly turned my calendar back to July protesting the end of one of my favorite times. yea...like that is going to work. : )

My life, and the lives of my friends and family is a complex mix of "Seasons", all at the same time. For instance, Dan and I are in "summer" mode. Time to keep working, but it has also been a time to harvest and enjoy some of the fruits of our labor. By the grace of God, and many prayers I am sure - we recently refinanced the house! At 5.5%!!! It made every long hour of work that we've done on our home this year so worth it. Thank you so much Lord. It is one step closer to digging out of this pit that we've been in! Ps. 90 has been in my heart for so long:
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations...
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children." Vs. 1, 14-16

It's so exciting to see my kids reveling in their "Spring" seasons - homes remodeled and moved in to, the possibility of having babies of their own, the dreams and hopes of careers and futures. Even tonight, I had the chance to hug my niece and her husband, who are expecting a baby in May. They just suffered the loss of Shane's brother, Chad (on Aug. 20) and out of the BLUE found out they were expecting! This little life was conceived close to the time of Chad's death. Hugging Shane tonight I said: "Congratulations! (on the new baby) "I'm so sorry for your loss". It's wierd when the Seasons overlap. Just like the transition between Winter and Spring, you don't know whether to wear a warm coat or a spring jacket. Sometimes we don't know if we'll be laughing that day, or crying.

Some of my friends are in the dead of "Winter". Trial upon trial - financial stress, illness, leukemia, death. Winter can be so long! Even in the physical realm, Feb. is one of the hardest months for me to endure. It seems that the ice will never go away, that the sun will never shine again. But then...Spring bursts forth. In such a small way, it displays the faithfulness of the Lord. Just as He brings the seasons each year, so He brings constant change into our world - change that is ultimately for our good, and His glory.

I'm thankful for my life and the everyday reminders the Lord sends my way. I'm thankful for the cold, (sometimes) unrelenting Winter seasons in my life, because without them, I could never appreciate the warm and gentle breezes, or the tiny budding flowers of Spring. I'm thankful that He has allowed our Summer seasons to spill into Fall. I'm thankful for hard work, great play and the brilliant blue skies of Fall that constantly point me to my creator.

Whatever "Season" you are in, rest assured that God is faithful to see you through this one and into the next.