For so long, I have used the word "overwhelmed" in conjunction with stressful situations in my life. This morning, I am absolutely overwhelmed by God's kindness - demonstrated through so many people and circumstances in our lives the past few days.
Just a few days ago, I was discouraged. The van loan that was denied, plus several other situations - made for a rough week.
Remember the vision that died for the Honda Odyssesey? Believe it or not, it is sitting in our driveway this morning!
It is a quiet and peaceful Sunday morning. I treasure these quiet times in the morning with the Lord as I meet Him on the gazebo. He never fails to meet me here - although many mornings I fail Him by being too busy and not showing up. This morning was sweet. We attended Ikiru's concert last night in which they played their song's from the book of Job. (the band is made up of Adam Langdon, Caleb's brother in law - and Issac and Ethan Barton.) It was amazing...absolutely amazing. The lyric's, drum rhythms - guitar - organ, it all blended together to make an evening of worship and enjoyment of music. So...I found myself reading Job this morning. Wow. Job loses me in the very first chapter, because he was an upright and blameless man. We can never compare our circumstances to Job's.
But - they have been challenging. As quickly as things went down hill this week, they began to turn uphill. On Thur. morning - Dan found out that Huntington would consider our loan for the van with Mom being primary on the title, Dan being secondary. His conference call came shortly after that. The contract appears to be agreed upon! He should have his first check by next week. On Thurs. afternoon Mom began the process. It was approved, and we were set to close on Fri. afternoon at 2 p.m. Meanwhile, we called Don Towle and over the phone - told us what was available. To make a short story - we bought this van, sight unseen, and picked it up on Sat. morning with Mom! It is a beautiful 2005 Honda Odyssey with only 60K miles. I can't get over it. As we were in the lot Don asked us if we wanted to drive it before we bought it and we said "no" - we trust you. He was trying to explain some of the options to me and I was lost - so many bells and whistles! I reminded him that in the past six years, with my previous three cars - I have had a grand total of $2,850.00 for the purchase price! Simply put - I'm not used to alot of new features. They are sweet! I drove home in the new van while Dan and Mom drove the Civic home. I kept thinking "I can't wait to take a road trip in this!" and wouldn't you know...I unexpectedly did on my way home. I took wrong turn, and ended up in unfamiliary territory making my way home 45 min. after Mom and Dan!
So many people, so many brothers and sisters offering prayers on our behalf - so many circumstances - one very faithful God
For the first time this summer on Thursday evening, Dan and I sat out on the porch that he and a myriad of boys finished right before Caleb's open house. We looked up at the stars and complemented the Lord that made the serene surroundings. We did something that we haven't done in a while. We started to dream again.
The van has symbolized so much more to us than just being a "new" vehicle. It represents a new beginning for us. It represents freedom in some ways - to have transportation available when we've been "shut in's" for many months in the past six years or so, either due to lack of a working car or the money to even put gas in it. It represents God's mercy and kindness in restoring what has been taken away from us. It also to me represents a new lesson. Paul states that he "learned" to be content in all circumstances - whether well fed or hungry - in plenty or in want. I think I've been promoted past Nursery school now. I'm learning what it means to be content in Christ - no matter what your outward circumstances are. As I was talking to Bill after the concert last night, I realized that we really can go back to old cars, uncertain circumstances, etc. We've been there before. I'm just grateful for the reprieve now.
Job is way ahead of me. Paul is so far beyond me in His devotion and service to Christ that I can hardly write my name in the same paragraph as his. But we both love and serve the same Lord and it gives me so much hope for the future!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
The First Day of Summer!
According to my calendar - today marks the first day of summer.
Already, I am enjoying it immensely. I am on my screened in porch, watching and listening to the myriad of wildlife outside. Hopefully, the oriole's will show up again this morning. I've already watched the blue jays, sparrows and of course, our silly cats. We also have a baby squirrel that I am waiting on. The trees are vivid shades of green, our pool is a crystal clear turquoise and the sky is a soft mix of blues and whites swirled together. ahhh...it is summer.
Firsts can be really fun. The first time I rode a bike I thought I was pretty big stuff. Anticipation culminated in a diploma as I walked down the gymnasium floor and graduated from high school. The first time I met my Dan in the college bookstore and we had a short conversation I was totally "twitter-paited" -which happens to be my favorite word from the movie "Bambi". (..."so...I see we're in Bible Literature together...what kind of notebook are you going to buy?....?" while I was thinking...This guy is awesome!!!! I hope we are sitting together!)
The first time he kissed me, the first time he said he loved me, the first time I walked down the aisle in my bridal gown and my eyes met his. Less than a year later, the first time I held my first born son. The first time we paid cash for a brand new car, the first time we signed the papers as homeowners (we bought a run down house at an auction for $12,500K! ) Firsts are something you never forget, no matter how old you are. I like firsts.
Already, I am enjoying it immensely. I am on my screened in porch, watching and listening to the myriad of wildlife outside. Hopefully, the oriole's will show up again this morning. I've already watched the blue jays, sparrows and of course, our silly cats. We also have a baby squirrel that I am waiting on. The trees are vivid shades of green, our pool is a crystal clear turquoise and the sky is a soft mix of blues and whites swirled together. ahhh...it is summer.
Firsts can be really fun. The first time I rode a bike I thought I was pretty big stuff. Anticipation culminated in a diploma as I walked down the gymnasium floor and graduated from high school. The first time I met my Dan in the college bookstore and we had a short conversation I was totally "twitter-paited" -which happens to be my favorite word from the movie "Bambi". (..."so...I see we're in Bible Literature together...what kind of notebook are you going to buy?....?" while I was thinking...This guy is awesome!!!! I hope we are sitting together!)
The first time he kissed me, the first time he said he loved me, the first time I walked down the aisle in my bridal gown and my eyes met his. Less than a year later, the first time I held my first born son. The first time we paid cash for a brand new car, the first time we signed the papers as homeowners (we bought a run down house at an auction for $12,500K! ) Firsts are something you never forget, no matter how old you are. I like firsts.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Consequences.
One bad decision can wreak havoc in a person's life. If you haven't experienced this, please, take my word for it. If not my word, take God's.
I made one bad decision on Tuesday. I decided to do some heavy duty yard work, ignoring my good sense not to do so (because of a neck and back problem I'm having.)
Consequence? The mother of all migraine's hit me on Wed.! I woke up around 5 a.m. - and didn't honestly feel like a person again until 6 p.m. when I could finally keep some pain meds and food in my stomach. (I hate throwing up. It's yucky. Bad, bad migraine.)
One of the boys made a bad decision in not paying his traffic ticket on time.
Consequence? HASSLE!!! phone calls, internet searches...more hassle today! He has to pay more money to have his license reinstated. Even I have been at my wits end helping him with this. It is alot of red tape and alot of time wasted.
We once made a bad decision to loan out some money against our paid for home.
Consequence? There have been literally hundreds of them - but we had a fresh new one today.
With Dan's pending project looking like a go (Yea!) we have been van shopping. His first check should be in next week! Wanting to help "rebuild" our credit - we thought it best to see if we could obtain a small loan for a used van - and asked Mom if she would co-sign. She agreed, so we began the process. Now mind you, my last three cars have been, well....modest. One was $2,500 - "Penelope" - and then came "Buck the Buick" for $350 - and last, but not least, my Previa was given to us! So with that back ground info. this will make more sense. We have been looking for a newer model to last us 5-7 years. We think we found it! Right color, right mileage -right friend selling it to us - everything! I honestly haven't allowed myself to get excited about too much these past few years, because most things have fallen through. But this morning, I was excited. I got dressed in my favorite skirt and shirt, and was hoping to hear from the bank that "It's a go! Go get your van!"
We heard the opposite. Even with Mom's co-signature we cannot obtain even a small loan.
Consequences stink. I can't help admitting that I am sad. I wanted to take the kids to the zoo as a surprise this week.
The loan officer's friendly voice calmly stated: "We reviewed your credit report and are sorry that we cannot offer you anything at this time."
What I heard was: "You morons, you can't afford anything. Keep making due with one car....we don't care that you have to get up early to get each other to work. You're in debt way over your eye balls. Go change from your favorite skirt to some work clothes, because you people really aren't worth our time."
There is most definately an emotional toll to being financially strapped. And we became strapped because of one very poor decision.
I'm so glad that I have made one RIGHT choice in my life....Jesus! I've decided not to be sad anymore, because in Jesus - I am rich. My poor choices have been covered at the foot of the cross by His precious blood, and the consequences for my sin have been removed. Can anyone say AMEN?!? All the beautiful Honda Odyssey's in the world can't compare with that! It's so easy to listen to Satan's lies when we are in the midst of trials. Last Sunday, Danny Biggers (Amy's uncle) had an awesome message at church. It was titled: "How Long Lord?" and was based on Psalm 13. What an applicable message for me that day. Faith is the substance of things not seen - so what a blessing it is that Dan and I cannot see our way out of this. God can, and that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how long, because He's the one in control of the "how long". He is the one that gently holds us as we walk through the consequences of our bad decisions here on earth. He does it without condemning us, but lovingly reminding us that He works out all things for good, IF we love Him. (Rom. 8:28-29) I praise you today Lord, for every trial and blessing you bring into my life. I thank you for taking the consequences of my sin - so that I can be with you.
I made one bad decision on Tuesday. I decided to do some heavy duty yard work, ignoring my good sense not to do so (because of a neck and back problem I'm having.)
Consequence? The mother of all migraine's hit me on Wed.! I woke up around 5 a.m. - and didn't honestly feel like a person again until 6 p.m. when I could finally keep some pain meds and food in my stomach. (I hate throwing up. It's yucky. Bad, bad migraine.)
One of the boys made a bad decision in not paying his traffic ticket on time.
Consequence? HASSLE!!! phone calls, internet searches...more hassle today! He has to pay more money to have his license reinstated. Even I have been at my wits end helping him with this. It is alot of red tape and alot of time wasted.
We once made a bad decision to loan out some money against our paid for home.
Consequence? There have been literally hundreds of them - but we had a fresh new one today.
With Dan's pending project looking like a go (Yea!) we have been van shopping. His first check should be in next week! Wanting to help "rebuild" our credit - we thought it best to see if we could obtain a small loan for a used van - and asked Mom if she would co-sign. She agreed, so we began the process. Now mind you, my last three cars have been, well....modest. One was $2,500 - "Penelope" - and then came "Buck the Buick" for $350 - and last, but not least, my Previa was given to us! So with that back ground info. this will make more sense. We have been looking for a newer model to last us 5-7 years. We think we found it! Right color, right mileage -right friend selling it to us - everything! I honestly haven't allowed myself to get excited about too much these past few years, because most things have fallen through. But this morning, I was excited. I got dressed in my favorite skirt and shirt, and was hoping to hear from the bank that "It's a go! Go get your van!"
We heard the opposite. Even with Mom's co-signature we cannot obtain even a small loan.
Consequences stink. I can't help admitting that I am sad. I wanted to take the kids to the zoo as a surprise this week.
The loan officer's friendly voice calmly stated: "We reviewed your credit report and are sorry that we cannot offer you anything at this time."
What I heard was: "You morons, you can't afford anything. Keep making due with one car....we don't care that you have to get up early to get each other to work. You're in debt way over your eye balls. Go change from your favorite skirt to some work clothes, because you people really aren't worth our time."
There is most definately an emotional toll to being financially strapped. And we became strapped because of one very poor decision.
I'm so glad that I have made one RIGHT choice in my life....Jesus! I've decided not to be sad anymore, because in Jesus - I am rich. My poor choices have been covered at the foot of the cross by His precious blood, and the consequences for my sin have been removed. Can anyone say AMEN?!? All the beautiful Honda Odyssey's in the world can't compare with that! It's so easy to listen to Satan's lies when we are in the midst of trials. Last Sunday, Danny Biggers (Amy's uncle) had an awesome message at church. It was titled: "How Long Lord?" and was based on Psalm 13. What an applicable message for me that day. Faith is the substance of things not seen - so what a blessing it is that Dan and I cannot see our way out of this. God can, and that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how long, because He's the one in control of the "how long". He is the one that gently holds us as we walk through the consequences of our bad decisions here on earth. He does it without condemning us, but lovingly reminding us that He works out all things for good, IF we love Him. (Rom. 8:28-29) I praise you today Lord, for every trial and blessing you bring into my life. I thank you for taking the consequences of my sin - so that I can be with you.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Sigh.
I find myself doing that alot lately. Sigh....deep breath....sigh again.
When I last wrote, I was so encouraged with the way that God continues to meet our needs - be the most amazing accountant - ever! He truly is amazing.
But today - in all honesty - I am wondering what God was thinking when He created teenagers.
Not all teenagers, mind you - just a few of them. :-)
After a very tiring day (up early for work, lots of loose ends to tie up at home, and then finding out that one of my very dear friends may have cancer, plus my Dad's cancer has returned - and we just had to cancel our trip to Mich. for lack of a vehicle. etc.) one of my boys and I got into an argument about oh...silly things....like driving uninsured, not paying traffic tickets and not registering purchased cars. It was way past my bedtime, we had an assortment of kids here visiting, and things took a downhill turn pretty quickly. I love this son of mine - he is bright and has so much potential - but I'd love him even if he didn't. Life is so complicated at times. Why does it have to be so hard? Sigh.
When I last wrote, I was so encouraged with the way that God continues to meet our needs - be the most amazing accountant - ever! He truly is amazing.
But today - in all honesty - I am wondering what God was thinking when He created teenagers.
Not all teenagers, mind you - just a few of them. :-)
After a very tiring day (up early for work, lots of loose ends to tie up at home, and then finding out that one of my very dear friends may have cancer, plus my Dad's cancer has returned - and we just had to cancel our trip to Mich. for lack of a vehicle. etc.) one of my boys and I got into an argument about oh...silly things....like driving uninsured, not paying traffic tickets and not registering purchased cars. It was way past my bedtime, we had an assortment of kids here visiting, and things took a downhill turn pretty quickly. I love this son of mine - he is bright and has so much potential - but I'd love him even if he didn't. Life is so complicated at times. Why does it have to be so hard? Sigh.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
God is the best Accountant. Ever.
As I begin to write the checks for the June bills, I noticed that the balance was rapidly decreasing. I went to bed a bit restless - it's so early in the month, and our money is almost gone. One thing I love about the Lord is the way He meets us in the quiet of the night. There are no other distractions, no jobs to be accomplished - just the two of us in the dark silence.
I asked Him to help us through.
Waiting is one of the worst things. I don't like it one bit. We're still waiting on word about Dan's Texas projects - "It's still a go!" we hear, the contracts are going back and forth now between lawyers (to Dan's dismay - one of these project contracts is 96 pages long!!! quite a feat to get through for a legally blind person) - but I say "show me the money!"
Over the years, I've tried very hard not to tell Dan financial, or other especially stessful things, in the evening because of his sleep problems. When morning came I told him that the balance was $615 in the check book, and we needed to pay our mortgage of $2,155.00 by June 11th, which was 2 days away. He went to work and was able to get an advance of $1,000K - and wouldn't you know? My check is due to be deposited on June 12th for $540.00, exactly what we need! So...the plan is that I'll write the house payment check after work, then hopfully (my paychecks are sometimes late - so I'm praying it's not) my check can then be transferred the next day, and we're all good. Every month, we press our "grace period" to the max, paying on the last possible day. I'm glad that God's grace period doesn't expire in my life.
The other part of the plan is to keep trust God - keep our focus on Him - and praise Him for the myriad of ways He still shows Himself strong on our behalf. He really is an amazing accountant.
I asked Him to help us through.
Waiting is one of the worst things. I don't like it one bit. We're still waiting on word about Dan's Texas projects - "It's still a go!" we hear, the contracts are going back and forth now between lawyers (to Dan's dismay - one of these project contracts is 96 pages long!!! quite a feat to get through for a legally blind person) - but I say "show me the money!"
Over the years, I've tried very hard not to tell Dan financial, or other especially stessful things, in the evening because of his sleep problems. When morning came I told him that the balance was $615 in the check book, and we needed to pay our mortgage of $2,155.00 by June 11th, which was 2 days away. He went to work and was able to get an advance of $1,000K - and wouldn't you know? My check is due to be deposited on June 12th for $540.00, exactly what we need! So...the plan is that I'll write the house payment check after work, then hopfully (my paychecks are sometimes late - so I'm praying it's not) my check can then be transferred the next day, and we're all good. Every month, we press our "grace period" to the max, paying on the last possible day. I'm glad that God's grace period doesn't expire in my life.
The other part of the plan is to keep trust God - keep our focus on Him - and praise Him for the myriad of ways He still shows Himself strong on our behalf. He really is an amazing accountant.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
His Eye is on the Sparrow
If what God says is true (and of course, it is) - then I truely have no cause "for worry or for fear", as the writer of one of my favorite hymns states. If His eye is on the sparrow - certainly His eye is on us.
Then, WHY do I ??? That is the question I have wrestled with these past few weeks.
I didn't finish my last journal entry ("Darkest before Dawn") - but this one follows closely on the heels of that last one.
Sitting down at the table to write out the bills for June - I felt like having a meltdown. Just that day, I went online to check my bank account and I received two over the limit fees. A check had cashed for Michaela's upcoming orthodontist work, a check that I had called and left a message for to please not cash it just yet. Her braces would have to wait. We're still waiting on money.
Another creditor called and pretty much said..."DEBORAH FREDERICK!!! times up you guys. You have a few days to come up with some money or you will be in the hands of a lawyer." sigh.
We sold the aforementioned van for $200 last week - and she had a full tank of gas! I miss her. We've had to juggle with one car - and three drivers in the house that need to be places.
Little Marie Sue Chapman's accidental death was in the news this week. This hit me so hard - it could have happened to any of us. My heart has ached so much for this family this week.
I have a friend that received the news no one wants to hear: Her Mother's cancer is back.
My back has been hurting like crazy lately - with all the yard/house work and such.
But you know what? Lots of really great things have happened this week too.
Caleb's Open house was awesome! No rain, Jen and Pearl brought amazing food and we had fun.
Remember the bank fees mentioned above? I called, and they reversed them!
Three of our boys moved back home this past weekend. I've had more glimpses of them lately! (Last night Michaela was rubbing Seth's back, Zac and Moke played their guitars together, and I finally had a chance to sit down with Micah for a little while and catch up on his life.)
Dan has had the strength to keep working on these potential contracts. That is a huge praise!
My friend, Janet, worked on my back and I feel better.
My other friend (and her Mom) are receiving alot of grace from God for the upcoming cancer treatment. Their attitudes are so good!
I worked this Sunday, and we heard an awesome message at the Methodist church.
Little Malachi made it through his heart cath surgery, successfully!
My friend Jane - is starting to heal from her ordeal (brain surgery), her praises still intact.
In reading the accounts of little Maria's funeral - God has obviously shown up for them in a very big way as they have dealt with this tragedy. Donations are pouring in to help future families adopt children. Good is emerging in the middle of all the pain.
This morning, three of my dearest Mom friends and I are taking our kids away overnight to Lake Hope State Park - for a day or relaxing and hiking.
Life is really good despite all the trials and tragedies. I tend to forget how good God is on a day to day basis. Even though Dan's projects haven't come through yet, certainly God has! I only need to remember that His joy is our strength - He is in control - but best of all: He loves us!!! Someday all these trials will be put behind us, and we will be with Him.
When I see the sparrows again this morning, I'm going to remember that.
Then, WHY do I ??? That is the question I have wrestled with these past few weeks.
I didn't finish my last journal entry ("Darkest before Dawn") - but this one follows closely on the heels of that last one.
Sitting down at the table to write out the bills for June - I felt like having a meltdown. Just that day, I went online to check my bank account and I received two over the limit fees. A check had cashed for Michaela's upcoming orthodontist work, a check that I had called and left a message for to please not cash it just yet. Her braces would have to wait. We're still waiting on money.
Another creditor called and pretty much said..."DEBORAH FREDERICK!!! times up you guys. You have a few days to come up with some money or you will be in the hands of a lawyer." sigh.
We sold the aforementioned van for $200 last week - and she had a full tank of gas! I miss her. We've had to juggle with one car - and three drivers in the house that need to be places.
Little Marie Sue Chapman's accidental death was in the news this week. This hit me so hard - it could have happened to any of us. My heart has ached so much for this family this week.
I have a friend that received the news no one wants to hear: Her Mother's cancer is back.
My back has been hurting like crazy lately - with all the yard/house work and such.
But you know what? Lots of really great things have happened this week too.
Caleb's Open house was awesome! No rain, Jen and Pearl brought amazing food and we had fun.
Remember the bank fees mentioned above? I called, and they reversed them!
Three of our boys moved back home this past weekend. I've had more glimpses of them lately! (Last night Michaela was rubbing Seth's back, Zac and Moke played their guitars together, and I finally had a chance to sit down with Micah for a little while and catch up on his life.)
Dan has had the strength to keep working on these potential contracts. That is a huge praise!
My friend, Janet, worked on my back and I feel better.
My other friend (and her Mom) are receiving alot of grace from God for the upcoming cancer treatment. Their attitudes are so good!
I worked this Sunday, and we heard an awesome message at the Methodist church.
Little Malachi made it through his heart cath surgery, successfully!
My friend Jane - is starting to heal from her ordeal (brain surgery), her praises still intact.
In reading the accounts of little Maria's funeral - God has obviously shown up for them in a very big way as they have dealt with this tragedy. Donations are pouring in to help future families adopt children. Good is emerging in the middle of all the pain.
This morning, three of my dearest Mom friends and I are taking our kids away overnight to Lake Hope State Park - for a day or relaxing and hiking.
Life is really good despite all the trials and tragedies. I tend to forget how good God is on a day to day basis. Even though Dan's projects haven't come through yet, certainly God has! I only need to remember that His joy is our strength - He is in control - but best of all: He loves us!!! Someday all these trials will be put behind us, and we will be with Him.
When I see the sparrows again this morning, I'm going to remember that.
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