Happy New Year!

December 2008

Dear friends and family,

I have a new word for this past year:

re*in*force*ment: “the act of reinforcing, something that reinforces or strengthens,

to strengthen with some added piece, support or material.”

Here's a funny story about our family picture this year. As Amber was taking our photo on our bridge down by the creek – we heard an interesting sound... a“cracking”...of sorts. The next second after this picture was taken, the bridge cracked and broke at the point where Danielle and Jon-Mark were standing. The next photo was a complete blurr, as Frederick's scattered quickly in both directions! Dan had JUST said something like.......”I think this bridge may need some reinforcement before we put all this weight on it....” oops! I will always laugh at this photo!

Along similar lines, we have experienced our faith being “reinforced” this year....strengthened and supported through various avenues. Until June of 2008, we were still under-going financial trials of various kinds. We can never thank God enough for providing these two projects for Dan this year! He has been busier and more challenged than ever before ~ but God is proving faithful, as always. He is currently finishing project one and entering project two in full swing. THANK YOU again for praying for us!!! We are so grateful for you and for the Lord's goodness.

On the family front: Things are going pretty well. Dan received a good health report – cancer-free for 3 years now! We are in a “transition” of sorts – kids coming and going, new opportunities, etc. All five of the older boys changed jobs this year! Nathanael and Zac are with the same Insurance Company– Caleb is designing containers for “Liquibox” – and Seth and Micah moved to Vail, Colorado to work at a ski resort until April. We miss them. Jen and Amy continue to be the stellar daughter-in-laws....still being great wives and working too. As of October, I have cut back to working just one Sunday a month with my second favorite boss in the whole world (Mary.) I also work very PT for my favorite boss in the whole world (Dan!) I think everyone is thankful to have a job during these economic times. Danielle will be our 6^th graduate in May! I will miss her terribly when she leaves. She's still working, studying and being a great daughter. (There has been a nice young man named Spencer hanging around here lately....it could be because of the previously mentioned nice daughter we have. We all like “Spennie”.) Jon-Mark is learning to drive with his permit, play the guitar really well and to speak in full sentences (as opposed to one word responses). Michaela started ballet lessons this year, had braces put on and continues to make Dan and I smile!

For our family Christmas this year, we are all going to ski/snowboard at Seven Springs, Pa. For 2 days! Well...almost everyone will ski. Amy and I have decided that we will soak in the pool and cook food – a better alternative than potentially breaking something. She showed us a video of her first time skiing, and I think she shares my lack of skills for this winter sport. She keeps us all laughing. Now Jen, I hear that she is a “pro” (She has skiied in Switzerland!) Dan and all the other kids do well also. So...we're greatly looking forward to our first “official” family trip together!

On the friends front: I don't think I can ever remember a more difficult year for some of our friends (and some family members too). It has especially challenged me to seek God and trust Him with outcomes, but it hasn't come easily for me. I've narrowed my approach down to this:

Concerning the things I can change: Ask Him for help each and every day.

Concerning the things I cannot change: Trust Him ~ He has it all under control and doesn't make mistakes.

We have enjoyed your Christmas cards, pictures and letters. What a blessing to have you in our lives!

May God grant each of you peace, contentment,and great joy in this coming year!

Love ~ from our family to yours:

"He Giveth More Grace"

"I don't know what to make of life these days". I think I just wrote that a few days ago in my previous blog. Somehow, as believers, I think learning to live with unanswered questions drives us closer to the Father's side.

Even in the past few days, more and more difficult news. I have new friends that are in a very dark storm, completely un-chartered waters. Dan and I just found out that one of our dear older friends (who we heard wasn't feeling well...) now has hospice helping to care for him. He and his dear wife have ministered to us time and time again in the past 14 years. Little Sophia has to go back in tomorrow morning for yet another blood draw, and this time, if the results aren't encouraging, they will be scheduling her bone marrow draw. Ginger sent me an e-mail with the update just before we were to go visit them and take dinner over. I couldn't keep the tears from falling on my drive over. If anyone happens to be reading this - please pray for these dear families. They all know and love God. They are committed to serving Him and are all such a testimony of God's grace right now. They need to know that we love and support them.

For some reason, when I feel especially low, I find strength in the Hymns of the Faith. These believers also faced difficult times, suffering, even death. The words penned from their hearts, (with tear stained cheeks, I am sure) span the years between us and serve as a testimony to who God is. He IS our "Mighty Fortress" (Martin Luther) and faithfully "He Giveth More Grace"(Annie Flint). Who can deny "Oh the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus" (Samuel Francis) or the peace that we receive in grief while still proclaiming "It Is Well With My Soul" (Horatio Spafford)? We look to Him for our future in "Be Thou My Vision" (Ancient Irish Hymn) and praise Him from the tops of our voices that He has loved us - "Just As I Am" (Charlotte Elliott). Someday, oh how grand it will be! We will all cry in worship "All Hail The Power of Jesus Name!"(E. Perroner).

But for now, we are here. Confined to human bodies, limitations - sometimes sufferings and trials. In the past year, as I have struggled to make "sense" of some things, it has helped me to recall who God reallly is. Do I believe it? Do I believe that He is all powerful, all loving, all righteous and unable to make a mistake? Do I honestly believe that He governs justly and has the believers best interests at heart? Do I believe these things in the core of my being?

As I have come to some terms in this, life has made alittle more "sense". When events happen that seem out of control, it helps me to remember that GOD IS IN CONTROL. When tragedy strikes and pain grips a believers soul, it helps me to remember that GOD IS OUR REFUGE, A VERY PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE. Trusting that He is who He said He is, helps me to sleep and be at peace when I cannot understand events that unfold around me. If you want an exercise in faith building, sing the words to the hymn "Immortal, Invisible". In that short hymn alone, you will find a rich treasure of adjectives that describe our Heavenly Father. Just to name a few ..."most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days...almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise."

Nothing in all the world comforts and surrounds us like God's Word in times of trial. But after soaking in His Word, I find a quiet rest in these songs. I wish I could just write the verses of so many hymns tonight - just for the hope that anyone reading this may draw strength from the writers words. But I'll close with two of my favorites:
"Be Still, My Soul" by Katharina von Schlegal
"Be still, my soul! the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God, to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul! thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end."

"Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee" by Henry Van Dyke
"Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love;
Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness, Drive the dark of doubt away,
Giver of immortal gladness, Fill us with the light of day."

Looking back, Moving forward.

One of those rare events has just occurred....I'm sitting in a quiet house.

Yesterday, Seth and Micah (plus Dan Willis) set out for Vail, Colorado. As Micah's facebook status said: "I'm off for a grand adventure in Vail, Colorado!". No doubt it will be. The boys all lined up jobs at a ski resort out there for 6 months. I am going to miss them terribly. Even though I was at times frustrated at the mess the basement was in (I jokingly told people that I had "raccoons" living in my basement...and they would say, "REALLY?"). Nope. Just the boys - growing Lord knows what down there in that bathroom.
Moke is off to a friends for a sleepover, Danielle is out to a movie, and Michaela and Dan are watching "Star Wars" - so it's just me and Melee hanging out in the Living Room.

I don't know what to make of life these days. There have been some great tragedies recently:
*Jason Mansfield, age 22, went home to be with the Lord suddenly in a car accident. He was a friend of the boys, and had been over here a couple times. He left behind a shocked family and a broken hearted fiance'. His funeral was packed with people, and was one of the most sorrowful, yet hopeful things I have ever attended.
*Ginger's baby, Sophia, has been in the hospital. They are awaiting her blood count results to see if she may have leukemia. We are all believing that the Lord is going to heal her little body. Ginger and Adam's baby Faith, suddenly went home to be with the Lord at 6 weeks of age, about a year and a half ago.
Other really sad things, almost too many to list. Some are very private matters. Yet in each and every sadness, I see God's grace so evident in the lives of those that are in the middle of it.

Challenging things: Our married kids have had a few: You know, like a buying a new, used car (only to find that it immediately needs repairs), having to have "procedures" done on your body that are painful, working 70 hours in one week, only to have no sales or money for it, having an acquaintance at work die (due to his suicide, after killing his 7 year old daughter.) That event really was in the tragic catagory.
Our Co-Op had to close down suddenly until next year. My friends on the committee have been working for hours trying to bring a resolution to the situation. It's a tough one.

Good things too:
*All the boys jobs are going well. They are adapting, working hard and making ends meet. I pray for the day that Jen and Amy can cut back on their hours at their present joband begin doing the work they both prefer. Jen - Photography and Amy - Cosmotology.
*Dan was able to update his company car! He loves it. We drove to Cleveland for this black, two year old, six-speed beauty. I haven't driven it yet, but I will. It makes me so happy to see him take the kids for rides in it! I told him that I thought he deserved some "happiness".
*Church is going well - as well as our Bible Study in the Psalms. I've hit a bit of a "dry" time spiritually - so these things have really kept me going. I'm thankful the way the Lord always finds me, just where I am. Others have been so kind to us at Logos - I'm grateful for them.

Being 47 is cool. I do love looking back, as well as ahead. (I figure I'm somewhere past the middle now - which is interesting). I do look forward to seeing Jesus, more all the time. I also can appreciate looking back, and seeing all the God has accomplished in and through our lives.
While I have this quiet house, I'm going to go spend a little "quiet" time with Him.

Taken for Granted

The October winds have started to blow stripping some of our trees of their golden colors. I know that Winter is around the corner, but for now I am relishing the scents, feel and sight of Fall.

Years ago I wrote our family Christmas letter with a "season" theme. We experience each season in our own lives, even though they come at unexpected times, as opposed to the predictable seasons listed on our calendars hanging on our walls. Some Seasons are beautiful, much like Spring. There may be days or months full of hope, new growth and anticipation for the warmer times ahead. Yet we all must endure those cold, dark and long times that I associate with Winter. The death of a friend or family member, the trial of a relationship gone bad or watching helplessly as a child turns their back on God. Just like the ice that forms and the howling, cold winds that accompany it - it sometimes feels like it will never end. Summer is full of fresh produce, blooming flowers and herbs. We swim and play alot, getting up late and going to bed way past our normal bedtimes. The kids love to lay out on the trampoline and gaze at the stars, sometimes even staying most of the night out there. We can usually slip away for a short vacation on Dad's Lake, enjoying my parents and our friends up North. We begin to turn our attention toward the upcoming school year - planning ahead and feeling ever so hopeful that this year we may actually "get it done!" (My friends and I laugh that the home schooling motto should be: "Well...there's always NEXT year!")

Everyone has their favorite season of course, and mine happens to be Fall. It is almost like it happens overnight. Dan and I will comment on the sky looking like an "Autumn sky". Thanksgiving is just around the corner and it is, in my opinion! the best holiday. The temperatures are cooler in the morning and I find myself making more coffee and tea. The evenings close in quicker, lending themselves to more reading or watching movies. I enjoy going on walks and bike rides so we can enjoy the changing color of the leaves plus enjoy the cooler breeze. (and I've missed that greatly with this stupid sprained ankle of mine.) A couple times a week now there will be the smell of simmering soup and sometimes sour-dough bread. I have a few new recipes to add to our old favorites: Spicey Chicken Tortilla (thanks to Dennis Goodwin!) and Corn Chowder have joined the list of our "favorites" - Mixed Bean, Cream of Broccoli and Vegetable. We begin to get ready for the cold months ahead, trying to finish projects that we began in the spring and summer. For me, I enjoy this time of looking back and yet anticipating what is ahead.

I'm very much in a "Fall" mood today. I look around me and appreciate so much:
*The consistent checks from Dan's company that have enabled us to stay current on our bills.
*I am observing some "harvest" of sorts in the lives of our kids: (some of their "gifts" are emerging plus the "seed" we planted in them is helping some of them mature spiritually...I cling to the promise where God says "His Word shall not return void")
*My buddy and I are appreciating more of the simple things in life: A movie, dinner and walk together; a portrait of our family taken on the bridge he built; an evening of popcorn and a taped episode of "Planet Earth" together...
*Especially recently, I have appreciated the dedicated service of our men and women in the armed forces. (I should take the time to write them all an "open" letter. I know they are not forgotten, but they are often not thanked.) I look around at some of the destitute situations in other countries and I am humbled at the freedom we have here.
I'm looking back and yet anticipating what lies ahead.

Even appreciating these few things, I've decided that I take WAY too many things for granted. I expect that Dan will always be here and that we will continue to enjoy each other and our relatively good health. I expect that our home will continue to withstand the storms around here and not be damaged. That burst of wind left over from the Hurricane on Sept. 14th showed me how quickly things can be damaged or even ruined. I expect that I will continue to have my kids around us and that we will have great relationships among ourselves. I expect that our church family will continue to thrive and do well. I expect that our new President will work tirelessly to protect our borders and keep us safe. I expect that life, as I know it now, will continue.

That may not be the case. The only consistent thing that I have come to know about is Jesus Christ. He is the same "yesterday, today and forever." I'm glad that He doesn't change like the Seasons. I pray that we can all learn t0 not take HIM for granted, but that we will be ever mindful of His mercies that are "new, every morning". It doesn't matter what season of life we are going through: Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter. He is there with us He meets us each and every morning! I look forward to His coming...more so it seems each passing day. Even so come, Lord Jesus.

"Life is a Chair of Bowlies"

Last night I had the opportunity to laugh so hard that my side hurt. literally! We were celebrating one of my girlfriends birthdays. (she introduced me to the artist that came up with the caption above - plus so many other funny ones.) Four of us women went out to dinner and what a time it was. We all come from different churches, are different ages, have very different circumstances, joys and trials. We have one Savior in common. In between the gut busting laughter, we all testified in our own ways how God has met us this year and given us all that we have needed.
It has been months since I have been back here to write. I hardly know where the past four months have gone. We've been trying to adapt to our new situation. I'll try to think back and write a very quick summary:
*Dan's two projects are going great! One is actually a little ahead of schedule. He has worked many long and hard hours on these jobs. His travels are also going well and he has actually been home working in his office more than traveling. We bought two honda Odyssey's at one time! One is for his company and he and I drove it down together. His engineer is doing an amazingly great job in his responsibilities with the projects - we're so grateful. He also has a part time secretary that is helping out a great deal.
*Dan's company received his first check on June 27th! We photocopied it. We showed it to the kids. We hugged and we thanked God for this miracle. The projects will provide work for Dan for two years. At this point we cannot pay back our huge debt, but we CAN pay for our monthly bills! It is so exciting to us. Bit by bit we are digging our way out of the pit we've been in. We've even been able support some missions again, enjoy some dinners out and start Michaela in her braces! For Christmas this year, our family is going on our very first snow vacation for 2 days!
Also noteworthy on that day:
*We celebrated our holiday anniversary: Married 27 years on June 27th! My buddy continues to be my best friend, my tireless encourager and the object of my affections.
*Our kids celebrated their anniversaries: Caleb and Amy (one year in May) and Funnel and Jen will celebrate their second one this week. We love having married kids! Such fun.
*Our three middle boys moved home for the summer. Zac found a new apartment in Sept., and Seth and Micah will leave for a few weeks for Vail, Colorado. They have secured a 6 mo. job at a beautiful ski resort. They have been guaranteed 40 hrs. work per week, plus meals and free snowboarding. A dream come true for them! (In their own words..they will be "joking with and pushing little rich kids down the tubing hill.") I'm really going to miss them. Even though I do tease about having a pair of "raccoons" living in our basement.
*All the kids are healthy, and the older ones have jobs. Something to be VERY grateful for.

Let's see, in numbers I've also experienced the following:
7 nights with my buddy in the Riviera in Mexico!
6 different job changes (with 5 of our kids...)
5 rooms in our house cleaned (well...sort of - we're still working on de-cluttering)
4 months of paying our monthly bills, on time!
3 kids now left to home school - (I'm working on it) Danielle will graduate on May 23, 2009!
2 months now of reduced days of work for me. (I'm down to one Sunday per month now)
AND
1 new job for me!(I'm working very part time for Dan. I hope I don't get fired...I'm WAY behind on some things. I can honestly, yet jokingly say that I am sleeping with my boss. : )

It is a wonderful, different, optomistic time for us. .. yet we still remain tired on many fronts and are still trying to "catch up" on all the things left undone for the past six years. We are slowly getting a "grip", I think. Dan surprised me with the trip to Mexico in Sept. It was a rare time for us to just lay on the beach, take long walks and do almost nothing. We arrived home on Sat., Sept. 13th. On Sunday, Dan flew out to Florida, the remains of Hurricane Ike blew threw central Ohio and we lost a lot of trees, plus our electricity for two days. On Wed., Yell and I were out for a walk on the bike path strew with the storm debris, and I slipped on a walnut, fell flat on my back and promptly sprained my weak ankle. (This is sprain No. 7, in addition to the fractured foot and tibia from years ago). I believe in the conspiracy theory...I think the squirrels put that walnut there purely for their entertainment of watching me fall. Basically, every bit of relaxation we experienced on that beach in Mexico flew right out the window when we returned! We still laugh about it though. We have so many great memories to reflect back on.

I'm still in some pain from my back and ankle, but can't complain. It is healing slowly. I'm discouraged because I had just started losing a few pounds and I remain in a state of lacking self control. I need to figure out some new exercise options for myself as well as quit consoling myself with all sorts of chocolate. I'm learning to operate withing the "new normal". Life never seems to stay the same for any length of time...which is good I suppose.

My check book hasn't been the same - which is GREAT! The first morning we had sufficient money in our account to pay our monthly bills, I was beyond excited. I got up extra early, brewed my favorite coffee, put in my favorite CD, and had a GRAND time paying those bills! I still look forward to it every month now. Yet I know, that we can always go back to where we were. We learned so much about God's provision and how He can use our dear friends and family - even strangers! to show us that He has not abandoned us.

Just a few weeks ago, Dan came home with what he called another "Aldi Moment". Do any of you shop at Aldi's? I relied heavily on it to make our monthly food budget for years. I actually still do, but now I can afford Trader Joe's and some other great food spots inbetween my Aldi runs. Recently as Dan was going through the check-out there, he felt heavily convicted to help someone out. Not really knowing what to do...he started toward the car, and then returned. Because no one was around, he asked the cashier if she knew of anyone that could really use an Aldi gift card at this time. At first, she said that she didn't trust herself to send the funds in the right direction. But as she thought about it, she changed her mind and said that she actually did know two families in great need. Dan went ahead and purchased the gift cards and started out the door. She called to him...."Can I give you a hug?" By now a few people had formed a line to check out, and Dan was sure they were thinking..."WHAT on earth?" But it was a great encouragement to Dan. Such a SMALL gesture, but one that we both knew personally, from experience, could mean the world to someone that needed items they could not afford to buy.

I remember lining my items up at Aldi in order of need: and often I had to put the items at the back aside. I know what it is like to spend a great deal of time evaluating whether to buy this, or that. Can we do without it this week? It wasn't that long ago. This spring I had looked forward to having some friends of ours over for dinner. For several nights, I planned inexpensive meals (eggs, beans and rice, etc.) so I could "save" our meat for the week and prepare a great meal for our guests. (as I remember, it was really enjoyable too! The fellowship was sweet, and we all enjoyed the grilled chicken taco's with plenty of salsa and chips to go around.)

These memories are really sweet to me because I have learned to identify with those that are going through hard times. Sometimes when we drive up next to a smoking, old, noisy car - we say they are "kindred spirits". We know many "kindred spirits" - those with beat up cars, lack of funds and dire situations. As my wise friend once said: "I have learned to pray: Lord- please don't waste these trials. May they serve to benefit me and someone else in my path."

Our Bible study these past two weeks have been focusing on God' s "surrounding us" (we're going through Beth Moore's study: "The Psalms of Ascent"). Oh my, I can't even write what these passages have meant to me. Psalm 120 - 134 chronicle David's intimate walk with God. They resound with emotion, truth and God's ever failing love. As Beth writes:
"There is no literature in all the world that is more true to life and more honest than the Psalms, for here we have warts-and-all religion. Every skeptical thought, every disappointing venture, every pain, every despair that we can face is lived through and integrated into a personal, saving relationship with God - a relationship that also has in it acts of praise, blessing, peace, security, trust and love." p. 5 - introduction. Amen Beth.

On a personal note: I am spending more time praying for my kids these days. I am praying that they all truly make Jesus the Lord of their lives. I know that it is HIM doing the work in their lives and I struggle at times to get out of the way and let Him work. I am thankful for each area of growth that I see in any of their lives. I am asking the Lord to draw the ones that especially need Him back to Him, whatever it takes. If you ever think of us, that is our most urgent prayer for now. Thanks for all your prayers for Dan's job! God showed up in a big way for us!!!!

So many of us feel that the future is uncertain. (It has been a long, political election season, hasn't it? I'm greatly looking forward to having Nov. 4 behind us! ) We are still in great need of God. A pay check is a poor substitute for utter dependence on Him for our every need. It has been a long, painful, utterly wonderful seven years.

Overwhelmed by Kindness!

For so long, I have used the word "overwhelmed" in conjunction with stressful situations in my life. This morning, I am absolutely overwhelmed by God's kindness - demonstrated through so many people and circumstances in our lives the past few days.
Just a few days ago, I was discouraged. The van loan that was denied, plus several other situations - made for a rough week.
Remember the vision that died for the Honda Odyssesey? Believe it or not, it is sitting in our driveway this morning!
It is a quiet and peaceful Sunday morning. I treasure these quiet times in the morning with the Lord as I meet Him on the gazebo. He never fails to meet me here - although many mornings I fail Him by being too busy and not showing up. This morning was sweet. We attended Ikiru's concert last night in which they played their song's from the book of Job. (the band is made up of Adam Langdon, Caleb's brother in law - and Issac and Ethan Barton.) It was amazing...absolutely amazing. The lyric's, drum rhythms - guitar - organ, it all blended together to make an evening of worship and enjoyment of music. So...I found myself reading Job this morning. Wow. Job loses me in the very first chapter, because he was an upright and blameless man. We can never compare our circumstances to Job's.
But - they have been challenging. As quickly as things went down hill this week, they began to turn uphill. On Thur. morning - Dan found out that Huntington would consider our loan for the van with Mom being primary on the title, Dan being secondary. His conference call came shortly after that. The contract appears to be agreed upon! He should have his first check by next week. On Thurs. afternoon Mom began the process. It was approved, and we were set to close on Fri. afternoon at 2 p.m. Meanwhile, we called Don Towle and over the phone - told us what was available. To make a short story - we bought this van, sight unseen, and picked it up on Sat. morning with Mom! It is a beautiful 2005 Honda Odyssey with only 60K miles. I can't get over it. As we were in the lot Don asked us if we wanted to drive it before we bought it and we said "no" - we trust you. He was trying to explain some of the options to me and I was lost - so many bells and whistles! I reminded him that in the past six years, with my previous three cars - I have had a grand total of $2,850.00 for the purchase price! Simply put - I'm not used to alot of new features. They are sweet! I drove home in the new van while Dan and Mom drove the Civic home. I kept thinking "I can't wait to take a road trip in this!" and wouldn't you know...I unexpectedly did on my way home. I took wrong turn, and ended up in unfamiliary territory making my way home 45 min. after Mom and Dan!
So many people, so many brothers and sisters offering prayers on our behalf - so many circumstances - one very faithful God
For the first time this summer on Thursday evening, Dan and I sat out on the porch that he and a myriad of boys finished right before Caleb's open house. We looked up at the stars and complemented the Lord that made the serene surroundings. We did something that we haven't done in a while. We started to dream again.
The van has symbolized so much more to us than just being a "new" vehicle. It represents a new beginning for us. It represents freedom in some ways - to have transportation available when we've been "shut in's" for many months in the past six years or so, either due to lack of a working car or the money to even put gas in it. It represents God's mercy and kindness in restoring what has been taken away from us. It also to me represents a new lesson. Paul states that he "learned" to be content in all circumstances - whether well fed or hungry - in plenty or in want. I think I've been promoted past Nursery school now. I'm learning what it means to be content in Christ - no matter what your outward circumstances are. As I was talking to Bill after the concert last night, I realized that we really can go back to old cars, uncertain circumstances, etc. We've been there before. I'm just grateful for the reprieve now.
Job is way ahead of me. Paul is so far beyond me in His devotion and service to Christ that I can hardly write my name in the same paragraph as his. But we both love and serve the same Lord and it gives me so much hope for the future!

The First Day of Summer!

According to my calendar - today marks the first day of summer.
Already, I am enjoying it immensely. I am on my screened in porch, watching and listening to the myriad of wildlife outside. Hopefully, the oriole's will show up again this morning. I've already watched the blue jays, sparrows and of course, our silly cats. We also have a baby squirrel that I am waiting on. The trees are vivid shades of green, our pool is a crystal clear turquoise and the sky is a soft mix of blues and whites swirled together. ahhh...it is summer.

Firsts can be really fun. The first time I rode a bike I thought I was pretty big stuff. Anticipation culminated in a diploma as I walked down the gymnasium floor and graduated from high school. The first time I met my Dan in the college bookstore and we had a short conversation I was totally "twitter-paited" -which happens to be my favorite word from the movie "Bambi". (..."so...I see we're in Bible Literature together...what kind of notebook are you going to buy?....?" while I was thinking...This guy is awesome!!!! I hope we are sitting together!)
The first time he kissed me, the first time he said he loved me, the first time I walked down the aisle in my bridal gown and my eyes met his. Less than a year later, the first time I held my first born son. The first time we paid cash for a brand new car, the first time we signed the papers as homeowners (we bought a run down house at an auction for $12,500K! ) Firsts are something you never forget, no matter how old you are. I like firsts.

Consequences.

One bad decision can wreak havoc in a person's life. If you haven't experienced this, please, take my word for it. If not my word, take God's.

I made one bad decision on Tuesday. I decided to do some heavy duty yard work, ignoring my good sense not to do so (because of a neck and back problem I'm having.)
Consequence? The mother of all migraine's hit me on Wed.! I woke up around 5 a.m. - and didn't honestly feel like a person again until 6 p.m. when I could finally keep some pain meds and food in my stomach. (I hate throwing up. It's yucky. Bad, bad migraine.)

One of the boys made a bad decision in not paying his traffic ticket on time.
Consequence? HASSLE!!! phone calls, internet searches...more hassle today! He has to pay more money to have his license reinstated. Even I have been at my wits end helping him with this. It is alot of red tape and alot of time wasted.

We once made a bad decision to loan out some money against our paid for home.
Consequence? There have been literally hundreds of them - but we had a fresh new one today.
With Dan's pending project looking like a go (Yea!) we have been van shopping. His first check should be in next week! Wanting to help "rebuild" our credit - we thought it best to see if we could obtain a small loan for a used van - and asked Mom if she would co-sign. She agreed, so we began the process. Now mind you, my last three cars have been, well....modest. One was $2,500 - "Penelope" - and then came "Buck the Buick" for $350 - and last, but not least, my Previa was given to us! So with that back ground info. this will make more sense. We have been looking for a newer model to last us 5-7 years. We think we found it! Right color, right mileage -right friend selling it to us - everything! I honestly haven't allowed myself to get excited about too much these past few years, because most things have fallen through. But this morning, I was excited. I got dressed in my favorite skirt and shirt, and was hoping to hear from the bank that "It's a go! Go get your van!"

We heard the opposite. Even with Mom's co-signature we cannot obtain even a small loan.
Consequences stink. I can't help admitting that I am sad. I wanted to take the kids to the zoo as a surprise this week.

The loan officer's friendly voice calmly stated: "We reviewed your credit report and are sorry that we cannot offer you anything at this time."
What I heard was: "You morons, you can't afford anything. Keep making due with one car....we don't care that you have to get up early to get each other to work. You're in debt way over your eye balls. Go change from your favorite skirt to some work clothes, because you people really aren't worth our time."

There is most definately an emotional toll to being financially strapped. And we became strapped because of one very poor decision.

I'm so glad that I have made one RIGHT choice in my life....Jesus! I've decided not to be sad anymore, because in Jesus - I am rich. My poor choices have been covered at the foot of the cross by His precious blood, and the consequences for my sin have been removed. Can anyone say AMEN?!? All the beautiful Honda Odyssey's in the world can't compare with that! It's so easy to listen to Satan's lies when we are in the midst of trials. Last Sunday, Danny Biggers (Amy's uncle) had an awesome message at church. It was titled: "How Long Lord?" and was based on Psalm 13. What an applicable message for me that day. Faith is the substance of things not seen - so what a blessing it is that Dan and I cannot see our way out of this. God can, and that is all that matters. It doesn't matter how long, because He's the one in control of the "how long". He is the one that gently holds us as we walk through the consequences of our bad decisions here on earth. He does it without condemning us, but lovingly reminding us that He works out all things for good, IF we love Him. (Rom. 8:28-29) I praise you today Lord, for every trial and blessing you bring into my life. I thank you for taking the consequences of my sin - so that I can be with you.

Sigh.

I find myself doing that alot lately. Sigh....deep breath....sigh again.

When I last wrote, I was so encouraged with the way that God continues to meet our needs - be the most amazing accountant - ever! He truly is amazing.

But today - in all honesty - I am wondering what God was thinking when He created teenagers.

Not all teenagers, mind you - just a few of them. :-)

After a very tiring day (up early for work, lots of loose ends to tie up at home, and then finding out that one of my very dear friends may have cancer, plus my Dad's cancer has returned - and we just had to cancel our trip to Mich. for lack of a vehicle. etc.) one of my boys and I got into an argument about oh...silly things....like driving uninsured, not paying traffic tickets and not registering purchased cars. It was way past my bedtime, we had an assortment of kids here visiting, and things took a downhill turn pretty quickly. I love this son of mine - he is bright and has so much potential - but I'd love him even if he didn't. Life is so complicated at times. Why does it have to be so hard? Sigh.

God is the best Accountant. Ever.

As I begin to write the checks for the June bills, I noticed that the balance was rapidly decreasing. I went to bed a bit restless - it's so early in the month, and our money is almost gone. One thing I love about the Lord is the way He meets us in the quiet of the night. There are no other distractions, no jobs to be accomplished - just the two of us in the dark silence.
I asked Him to help us through.

Waiting is one of the worst things. I don't like it one bit. We're still waiting on word about Dan's Texas projects - "It's still a go!" we hear, the contracts are going back and forth now between lawyers (to Dan's dismay - one of these project contracts is 96 pages long!!! quite a feat to get through for a legally blind person) - but I say "show me the money!"

Over the years, I've tried very hard not to tell Dan financial, or other especially stessful things, in the evening because of his sleep problems. When morning came I told him that the balance was $615 in the check book, and we needed to pay our mortgage of $2,155.00 by June 11th, which was 2 days away. He went to work and was able to get an advance of $1,000K - and wouldn't you know? My check is due to be deposited on June 12th for $540.00, exactly what we need! So...the plan is that I'll write the house payment check after work, then hopfully (my paychecks are sometimes late - so I'm praying it's not) my check can then be transferred the next day, and we're all good. Every month, we press our "grace period" to the max, paying on the last possible day. I'm glad that God's grace period doesn't expire in my life.

The other part of the plan is to keep trust God - keep our focus on Him - and praise Him for the myriad of ways He still shows Himself strong on our behalf. He really is an amazing accountant.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

If what God says is true (and of course, it is) - then I truely have no cause "for worry or for fear", as the writer of one of my favorite hymns states. If His eye is on the sparrow - certainly His eye is on us.

Then, WHY do I ??? That is the question I have wrestled with these past few weeks.

I didn't finish my last journal entry ("Darkest before Dawn") - but this one follows closely on the heels of that last one.

Sitting down at the table to write out the bills for June - I felt like having a meltdown. Just that day, I went online to check my bank account and I received two over the limit fees. A check had cashed for Michaela's upcoming orthodontist work, a check that I had called and left a message for to please not cash it just yet. Her braces would have to wait. We're still waiting on money.

Another creditor called and pretty much said..."DEBORAH FREDERICK!!! times up you guys. You have a few days to come up with some money or you will be in the hands of a lawyer." sigh.
We sold the aforementioned van for $200 last week - and she had a full tank of gas! I miss her. We've had to juggle with one car - and three drivers in the house that need to be places.

Little Marie Sue Chapman's accidental death was in the news this week. This hit me so hard - it could have happened to any of us. My heart has ached so much for this family this week.

I have a friend that received the news no one wants to hear: Her Mother's cancer is back.

My back has been hurting like crazy lately - with all the yard/house work and such.

But you know what? Lots of really great things have happened this week too.
Caleb's Open house was awesome! No rain, Jen and Pearl brought amazing food and we had fun.
Remember the bank fees mentioned above? I called, and they reversed them!
Three of our boys moved back home this past weekend. I've had more glimpses of them lately! (Last night Michaela was rubbing Seth's back, Zac and Moke played their guitars together, and I finally had a chance to sit down with Micah for a little while and catch up on his life.)
Dan has had the strength to keep working on these potential contracts. That is a huge praise!
My friend, Janet, worked on my back and I feel better.
My other friend (and her Mom) are receiving alot of grace from God for the upcoming cancer treatment. Their attitudes are so good!
I worked this Sunday, and we heard an awesome message at the Methodist church.
Little Malachi made it through his heart cath surgery, successfully!
My friend Jane - is starting to heal from her ordeal (brain surgery), her praises still intact.
In reading the accounts of little Maria's funeral - God has obviously shown up for them in a very big way as they have dealt with this tragedy. Donations are pouring in to help future families adopt children. Good is emerging in the middle of all the pain.
This morning, three of my dearest Mom friends and I are taking our kids away overnight to Lake Hope State Park - for a day or relaxing and hiking.

Life is really good despite all the trials and tragedies. I tend to forget how good God is on a day to day basis. Even though Dan's projects haven't come through yet, certainly God has! I only need to remember that His joy is our strength - He is in control - but best of all: He loves us!!! Someday all these trials will be put behind us, and we will be with Him.

When I see the sparrows again this morning, I'm going to remember that.

Darkest before Dawn

Have you ever been out camping? Or just sleeping outside for the night?
I have on many occasions, and one of the things I distinctly remember about it is the deep, thick darkness that accompanies the hours right before the sun rises. It is usually damp and cold, and those predawn hours can seem so long!

We've experienced this in a variety of ways and in a myriad of circumstances over the years.
As I noted in the past blog, it appears that Dan is going to get one (or both!) of the projects in Texas! In the meantime - things are pretty dark here. I keep reminding myself to hang on - the Sun will soon rise.

On Monday, our van broke down - again. It was towed just last week. We've become pretty good friends with the AAA people (being on a first name basis and all now.) We had just put $175 into it, plus a full tank of gas - when Danielle broke down in it this time. Thankfully, the van stalled in a safe place - just before a big hill and a busy intersection just 1/2 mi. from our house. She had forgot her phone - and ended up walking home. So...once again...our van is sitting in a lonely spot behind the mechanic's shop. I had to borrow Mom's car yesterday to get to my yearly job review, as Dan had two meetings in the opposite direction. It reminds me of days gone by!

Today - we must speak with someone in Legal Aide about a past due credit card account. This is the LAST of our creditors to be settled! (Quite an amazing thing - considering that we began with 17 seperate creditors and accounts six years ago. God is so good and faithful! I can never, ever thank Him enough! To date: 16 of these accounts have either been settled, rolled into our home mortgage, or we are currently making monthly payments on them.) Anyway - this account is strictly in my name, so I have been taking the brunt of these phone calls. I don't like to be critical, but this company has consistently been rude, calling many times a day and leaving me harsh messages like "Deborah Frederick - you must call this number NOW..."etc. Anyway I did speak in person to the person in charge recently, and her tone was sharp and her comments cutting. At one point, she asked me in a rude tone - "Why haven't you tried to settle these debts?" I almost started crying as I quietly told her - "You have no idea."

I am trusting the Lord to show us how to survive financially until the dawn comes.

When I think of Jesus night in the Garden of Gethsemenae, I can hardly bear it. How dark that night must have been. The writer of Hebrews gives us an insight into how Jesus bore it:
"Who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross..."

Full Circle

Yesterday I was at work when I received two phone calls.

The first one was business: I have a yearly review by Carestar next week - the agency that I work for. The second one was more exciting! For months now, we have been awaiting word on whether Dan would get this work project in Texas. (there are actually TWO projects he has been working towards and hoping to get. They are actually located 6 miles from each other, in the same town in Texas. How ironic is that?) We are learning what it actually means to be patient - something you'd think a 46 yr. old has learned by now. Every so often (well, almost every day...) I'd ask Dan: "so...have you heard anything from Texas?" Every time, his unemotional response was the same: "You'll be the first to know".

True to his word, I was the first to know. It looks like he has landed BOTH of them! One is almost certain, the second is a close runner up. We are grateful beyond words! I honestly cannot even put into words the emotion that is running through me. It was all I could do to be a normal human being at work last night! I told my client the good news, as she and I have become pretty good friends this year, and after her congratulations and well wishes we went back to the normal routine. Inside - I was about busting at the seams though! I am so proud of my Dan. I am so grateful to my Lord!

Last night we had champagne. mmm...... it was wonderful sitting with my buddy and dreaming!

This morning, I wanted to read a Psalm of praise to the Lord - and so I flipped open to my favorite: Psalm 34. I don't know why I hadn't realized it before, but the day this Psalm became alive to me was noted in the margins of my Bible: Sept. 11, 2001. While Dan and I were on board a Royal Caribbean Cruise for our Anniversary, the twin towers fell. The whole day was surreal for us - the captain of the ship remained calm and reported the incidents as they were unfolding. Later the next day, reality really hit as some of the passengers on board realized that their co-workers back in New York probably were gone. We had a Memorial Service led by the captain. That is a service I will never forget, nor will I ever forget that feeling of helplessness that I had. We were way out in the Atlantic Ocean - our fellow Americans were suffering a loss like no other, and our kids were miles from us at home with friends and family.

I suppose that is why the words of King David in this Psalm meant so much to me.
"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and He delivers them.....
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." vs. 7, 18

So here we are - almost seven years later - and these verses are still speaking clearly to me! Looking back, 9/11 was the beginning of our financial crisis. Yet today, we are once again given hope that the Lord is able to restore what has been destroyed in our lives. Even if Dan didn't get these projects, I'm finally learning the simple truth that God is still good....all the time....despite any circumstances that He has allowed. No, He is MORE than good - He is higher than anything else, holier than even our best imagination of Him, and more loving, faithful and merciful than words can ever describe.

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." vs. 19
Amen - thank you for your promises Lord!

How Do I Love Thee, A.A.A.?

This has been quite a day.
Isn't it funny, when you look back at the beginning of your day, that you realize that the Lord was in control of the whole thing? That is such a basic truth, but I realize it anew often.

This morning, the coffee was extra good. I don't know why, but it was. After reading a while in my Bible, I was drawn to my handwritten journal of 2002 - 2004. (The beginning of "Living on Daily Bread") The memories were so sweet as I flipped through each page and remembered each individual card, momento and thought that I had scribbled. One particular entry especially made me smile - because the title of that day was: "Three Kittens and Three Kids". I'm sure I'll reference that story in this finished project - so I'll just summarize it by saying that it was all about God meeting our exact needs. Not too little or too much - but often exactly what we need!

Another entry at the beginning made me smile:
October 28, 2002
"It is hard to put into words the many thoughts in the heart! But fall short as they may, they chronicle our days; the joys and pains, the simple and complex events that comprise our days ~
It has long been a desire of Dan and I to journal events in our lives that have brought us a new awareness of God's presense in our everyday affairs. The way He cares for us, provides for our needs~ even the people He uses to bless us! (and how MANY there have been!)
Each event and person is so special to us, that we want to pass these stories on to our children: (thus far: Nathanael, Caleb, Zachery, Seth, Micah, Danielle, Jon-Mark and Michaela).
We NEVER want to forget God's goodness! It brings joy to our hearts each time we recall these times ~ times that have changed us forever as we have grown in our faith in the Lord.
"...for we walk by FAITH
not by sight..." II Cor. 5:7
Over the years, I have saved bits and pieces of items to help me recall these acts of kindness and now it is time to pull all the pieces together.
Over and over again in Scripture I see examples of men and women of God "remembering"...where they have been, how God has led them, protected them, provided for them supernaturally. Whenever I am doubting the Lord's presense in my life, it does me great benefit to remember.
May this journal of bits and pieces, words and stories; weave together a tapestry that remains a testimony of the Lord's faithfulness in our lives.
To HIM be the glory ~ both now and forevermore!"

I have been working on this in my mind - for many years now!
Little did I know that exactly 4 years later, to the day, Nathanael would marry his Jen and our family would be blessed with our first daughter in law.
Little did I know then, that Dan would be dianosed with cancer in 2005.
Little did I know then, that my dear Titus 2 mentor, would have a brain tumor and go home to be with the Lord.
Little did I know then, that we would leave our beloved Church family in 2006, and start all over again in a new fellowship.
Little did I know then, that we would still be struggling on so many fronts - but primarily, with Dan's job and the finances.

I didn't know it then, but in the years to follow - the Lord would continue to be so real to me!

Life comes at you fast, as the insurance commercial illustrates!
Having this time alone with the Lord this morning greatly helped the outcome of what the day would soon hold. I started my day peaceful, grateful and so full of hope. Mid-morning, I had the opportunity to talk about the Lord and His goodness with a couple of my girlfriends. Things were definately going well today.

Weeks ago, I decided to have a garage sale. (Sigh...I know - it's a crazy thing to do and a LOT of work.) But we all worked hard (including some of my faithful friends!!!) - cleaning, sorting and organizing some of the rooms of our house. My main goal was to CLEAN and declutter the house - getting it ready for Caleb's Open House later this month. Of course I was hoping to make a little money too. It rained (as usual) but we cleared about $200 - plus Dan traded our two old couches (I was asking $50 for the pair) for a working laptop for me! I was thrilled. Years ago he wanted to get me a laptop so I could write more - especially for "Living on Daily Bread". I feel like such a grown up now....lap-top and all. :-)

Well...as expected, everything didn't sell, so I boxed up 8 seperate containers of stuff to try to sell to the local thrift shops. I was packed to the max! I was alone on my errands today - which was unusual. Danielle had to work, Jon-Mark had guitar lesson, and Michaela wanted to stay close to home. About mid-way through our trip, I noticed that our 1992 Toyota Previa wasn't running too smoothly. (We've loved this van! It was given to us, with new tires! almost 2 years ago. She's run like a top. Well...sometimes a noisy top with the clanks and all - but I've been most grateful for her. Even without air conditioning or a radio. She's just good reliable transportation! Plus, she came at a time when we desperately needed a van. If you haven't been a "shut - in" - without transportation, you won't understand what I mean. But for weeks we had to borrow vehicles just to get to very basic places: the grocery store, Co-Op, work, etc.)

I prayed out loud that the Lord would enable the van to get me home. I was feeling pretty good about things, since I had sold most of my leftover things for almost $50.00. The Lord did get me home late that afternoon - but it was in a AAA tow truck with our van in tow. Just about 5 miles from home the van started sputtering, then lost all power, and died. I coasted to the side of the road, but it was a busy part of this road and cars were just flying by me. I couldn't start it again to get completely off. Good old A.A.A.!!! I called and they informed me that they would be there in an hour. Two kind ladies stopped to check on me: One in a Lexus, and one in a Sherriff's car. Because I could see poison ivy on the side of the road - I opted to remain in the van with the windows down for the hour. even though it was hot. Thankfully, I had purchased a bottle of water just an hour before, plus just a day ago, I had put a small New Testament in my purse! I was all set. I read in Philippians, prayed some, and enjoyed reading a cook - book that I had just purchased for $2 at the thrift shop! I rehearsed things I was thankful for...hmmm....I don't have a bunch of little children with me, we still have a working Honda Civic, The Lord is working out Phil. 1:5 in my life! The hour went by quickly and the couple that picked me up were so friendly and helpful. I enjoyed visiting with them, and they dropped me off at home.

We've been so thankful for God and A.A.A. The two have retrieved us out of many tough situations. We've driven old vehicles for years so our yearly dues have been well worth it.

While I was in tow, Dan had another conference call for these two pending jobs. Back in January we heard that a decision should be made around March 6th. It will be May 6th tomorrow (Funnel's 26th birthday!) - and we're still not sure what the outcome will be. But we ARE sure that God is still in control, and remains faithful to care for us each and every day!

Four of the kids played frisbee golf tonight, Michaela and I enjoyed some Monopoly, and we even managed to get some major yard work done with the kids. The girls and I watched one of our favorite shows "Jon and Kate Plus Eight"~ (a show that ALWAYS makes me laugh!) plus we enjoyed the meal that Danielle made in my absense: Jasmine brown rice and chicken with Stir fry veggies. mmm.....it's been a very good day. I think one of my favorite parts was walking through the front door and talking to Danielle. Her comment was: "Isn't it amazing that we were thinkng about giving that van to someone else if Dad got the project - and here it broke down for US and not them! " I like her perspective on life. I can see the Lord teaching her through her time in the Word. Yes, a good day. Even if my van is sitting in a lonely spot in the back of the Mechanic's shop awaiting her verdit tomorrow. Even if we need to come up with about $2,300.00 just to pay our bills these next two weeks. It is really the Lord I love, not A.A.A. He continues to amaze me each and every day. As I posted on my facebook account:
Life is good, because God is good.

What Do I Have In My Hand?

This week I am in quite a predicament.

Wanting to be the best manager of my home that I can possibly be, I've decided to have a Garage Sale to motivate me to really clean out each room. One of my sons is graduating from College soon, and we want to host an open house for him in a few weeks. Having a "deadline" to get things in order - is usually what I need to get moving. Even with the best of intentions, these things can be over whelming - but when it is all done and you look at a freshly cleaned and sorted house (and you hopefully have alittle money in your pocket from your sales - ) I believe most people look back and say "it was worth it!". But I'm not looking back yet - the sale is next week - so I need motivation to finish this task.

As I've sorted piles upon piles of clothes, dirty closets and corners, I've had some time to really think this week. One of the things I have been remembering is how the Lord has helped me to "use what is in my hand" when I've been down or discouraged about where we are financially. So many times we have these grand plans for what we want to do: We want to accomplish this or that - and yet if we look at our surroundings/talents/circumstances objectively, we will realize that we don't have the resources to truly do that thing.

Just this week, I opened the refrigerator and quickly threw together dinner with what I had on hand. It actually was quite good! I added a little bit of refried beans, some salsa, fresh cilantro -
a bit of corn, and we had a hearty meal. Not long ago, I made "soup" with the leftovers in the frige - and even I was impressed with this chowder concoction! Instead of multiple trips to the grocery store, I learned to look in my freezer and pantry, and be creative with our meals. It has been great seeing a completely organized freezer.

This whole discipline of using "what I have in my hand" has really opened my eyes to new possibilities that I may have otherwise over-looked, and not just in the food arena.

A few summers ago, I was longing to go to the Nursery and purchase some new plants to update our landscaping. There was no money for that - so instead, I cleaned out our paint closet in the basement and found that I had enough stain to spruce up the front porch flooring and railing. I also had many plants that I could "split", so I added lots of new growth around the property that way.

Sending cards is one of my favorite things to do - so I designed home made-cards using some reprints of my old photos and some cardstock. (cost: about .25!) Some of the photo's are funny, and some are just nostalgic so my family and friends enjoy them.

Going through our closets was another adventure. Pairing shirts with different pants and skirts gave me a new look, without spending a dime!

A few years ago, I wanted to encourage some of the young moms at our church - so the Lord gave me the idea of having them to our home for an evening of pampering. I made an inexpensive meal and set a pretty table with my best dishes. The girls and I did a song to sign language for them to enjoy. I set out all my unused home school supplies, games, toys, etc. for them to go through and take home. Then Candy, Danielle, Abby and I gave them manicures and pedicures while they were able to relax and laugh with each other. It was so much fun, and cost so little! I'll never forget that special evening. I learned through this that the Lord will enable you to serve, if you are just willing to use what He has given you! Stop looking around at every one elses talents (wishing you could sing, or teach, or whatever...) and just start using the gifts and talents that He has personally given to you!

I figured out that I could teach a class or two at the Co-Op, and essentially pay for my other kids classes.

A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine was having minor surgery. Wanting to help her, I told her that the girls and I had time to make her a few dinners for her freezer - and then added: "By the way - can I have ten dollars to buy the food to make these meals?" We both laughed. I wanted to use what I had "in my hand" (time..but no extra money this week!)

Most recently, in cleaning our house for the garage sale - I've moved alot of furniture. Several rooms have a new look now! Wanting to spruce up our bedroom (so Dan and I could have a peaceful place to retreat to in the evenings...) we rearranged it, added a bookcase and small table from downstairs, bought a very few accents (candles, a couple new pictures, a pillow and a lamp) and now we have a peaceful, organized and clean "new" room.

I think that learning to use what we have on hand encourages contentment. The Lord has already given us everything that we need! It also brings out some creativity in us, and gives us a sense of accomplishment even if we don't have the means to go out and buy alot of new things.

So....what do you have "in your hand" today?

Where do I begin? (My first post - 3/31/08)

I am still a relative moron when it comes to the computer. I constantly need to ask my kids (even Michaela...) "should I check this?" "what does this mean?". But I must admit that it is a pretty cool tool when it comes to writing. Last night at Bible Study, one of the questions posed to us was this:"Based on Paul's testimony in Acts 20, have you ever had something you felt you SHOULD do, what was it? Now, have you ever had something that you have felt COMPELLED to do? Do you realize the difference?"Honestly, there were several things that popped into my head about things I have done that I felt I "should" do. Direct Bible School, dive into a "Purity" seminar for some girls that I know, be part of a Praise and Worship team that went into Nursing homes, etc.But I have only felt compelled to do two things in my life: have faith in allowing the Lord to bless us with a rather large family, and compile my journal of the past 5 years and write a book. The title will be "Living on Daily Bread". It is a testimony to God - for being the faithful, loving and merciful God that He is. He has literally carried me through months of waiting, uncertainty, hurt, and a myriad of other things - to lovingly show me who He is. Instead of wasting my days on things that will not last (like writing 22 limericks! which was fun)I feel compelled to sit down and start writing.
Posted by Debbie at 5:25 AM 0 comments

If my life is a book, here are some of the chapter titles.

My mind was full of thoughts at work yesterday - so when I had a few free minutes, I wrote these potential chapter titles down.

1. Depression is so.........depressing
2. Various Trials
3. "I know I deserve my enemies, but I certainly don't deserve my friends"
4. For better, or for worse (Snoopy and Woodstock's story)
5. Secondary Infections
6. The up-side of Insomnia
7. What do I have in my Hand?
8. Gifts come in all forms
9. Lessons about myself - and it isn't pretty
10. Perseverence:
11. Everyday joys - realizing that sorrow and joy run on parallel planes
12. "Everything I needed to know about life I learned in Kindergarten"
13. For such a time as this
14. "Be Thou my Vision"
15. A Tribute to my Dan
16. A Tribute to my Lord
17. If you don't laugh, you'll cry
18. "Suck it up, Creme Puff"
19. Would you like some cheese with that whine?
20 How to live without health insurance, cell phones, and other "necessities" of life
21. When it rains, it pours
22. " Life is a chair of bowlies"
23. My case for kids
24. Learning to "Trust and Obey"
25. When all is said and done......

Why - "Living on Daily Bread?"

In August of 2005, Dan and I had a difficult decision to make.

He was still actively trying to get more work in to pay off our debt...and an interesting potential project came up. Our decision was: do we risk making a trip down to Atlanta to meet the potential client - with little money and a weary car (our 1994 Ford escourt wagon, "Penelope "- was beginning to show her age.) Or...do we let this great opportunity pass?

After praying and considering all of our options - we decided to go for it. Dan made the arrangements for the meeting, we pooled what money that we had available, packed the car, and headed out to hot Atlanta. I was very nervous about whether Penelope would make the trip through the mountains - but we both had peace about our decision to go. I jokingly said we may have to sell her old body in the mountains!

We have always enjoyed traveling together. We generally try to visit a wide array of topics that we've been putting off - until we have a few quiet hours together. (A hard commody for us to come by with 8 kids). We were genuinely enjoying the trip - until we entered the eight lane traffic surrounding the Atlanta area. I don't know if you've ever driven in eight lanes of traffic - but I'd rather have a root canal than do that. I don't like alot of traffic when I'm driving. I'm famous for always taking the back roads and avoiding the highways like the plague. As I kept talking myself through the drive - I noticed that the back wind shield was clouding up. Odd - we'd never had that happen before. Before long, Dan had diagnosed the problem - we were losing transmission fluid , and fast. Every exit sign we made it past seemed like a great victory lap! We had appx. 40 miles to go to make it to Dan's first meeting.

By the grace of God and against many odds:
1. I didn't panic and wreck.
2. We made it to our destination!

We LITERALLY coasted (not drove - ) into the parking lot, and then Penelope died.
It was sad. But we were elated!!! Dan had his meeting with a millionaire(again - literally) who had flown there in his own jet. I was priviledged to meet this man too - what a great guy. The meeting went well and we were so thankful to have made it. Our next decision - what do we do with our broken car sitting in the parking lot? I found out that my AAA membership had JUST expired two weeks prior. Oh man!!! I called them anyway - told them our situation - and they informed us they were on the way.

Car towed, back in our hotel room that night - Dan was preparing for perhaps the most important business meeting of his life. It was exhilerating and terrifying at the same time. We spoke on the phone to a good friend of ours - and she offered her undying support and encouragement for the day ahead. The next morning as I looked at him, all dressed up in suit and tie, I couldn't help but think of how the Lord had miracuously brought us to this point. We wanted to have a quick time in the Word before he left, so as he finished getting ready I flipped open my "Light For My Path" topical bible verse book. I opened to the chapter listed under God's Guidance, and the first verse I read was to him was this:
"I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them."
Isaiah 42:16

Since Dan has been legally blind since 1983, we both took great encouragement from the verse and forged ahead into the day, expecting to esperience the Lord in yet a new way.

To make a long story short: Dan's meeting went well, but there was no immediate commitment for the project. We retrieved our beloved Penelope from the radiator shop, and hoped and prayed for a safe trip home. The technition told us to keep fluids on board, and stop often to refill the radiator tank.

We were crusing through Tennessee when we noticed the first signs of car failure. We pulled off and again, coasted into a parking lot! This time the establishment belonged to "Turbo Towing and Rental". The assessment of Penelope wasn't good. It now appeared that we had transmission problems as well. Thankfully, this shop offered us a chance to slow down and sit. We were both weary from the trip, and wanting desperately to get home to the kids. The men at the shop were entertaining and friendly, and Dan commented that the only thing missing from this picture was a three legged dog ! A few hours later, we decided to sell the owner our car for $500 (which he would send to us upon receipt of our title) - try to locate a rental car- and head for home. It's really amazing to be so dependent upon God. Because of our poor credit, we have been unable to use credit cards for years. For most people, this would be a simple solution: charge your credit card with a rental - and head home! But as we've come to experience, life isn't so simple when you are literally struggling financially to make it each week. Thankfully, we have an awesome daughter named Danielle who has consistently allowed us to borrow money from her! After calling her, she transferred some money into our debit account, and we set about finding a rental.

The timing of everything continued to be impeccable! We JUST made the phone call to the rental office before they closed, the finance' of one of the shop workers was able to drive us the 20 miles to pick up our rental, and again - we were on our way home.

(and guess what! As we prepared to say farewell to Penelope, Dan took a picture of me beside her. Who should appear, but a very friendly three-legged dog, tail wagging -ready to escourt us off the property! Also as we pulled out, the owner came up to us, and pulled out $500 cash from his shirt pocket. He said...'You know - you don't need a whole lot of time to figure out whether someones a good person or not. Just send me the title when you get home." I still have this gentleman's address and signature in my collection of beloved things!)

As we recounted the incredible events of the previous two days, we couldn't help but laugh. The Lord had faithfully prepared our way and cared for us as only He can!

Then, just a few hours from home, we witnessed the aftermath of one of the most horrific car accidents I have ever seen. A van was literally ripped in half, and several bodies were in the median with sheets over them. Traffic opposite from us was backed up for hours. As we later learned, a semi truck had entered opposing traffic, and had killed an entire family. Times like these have served to keep Dan and I reminded of what is really important in life. Financial strain is tough, but it is NOTHING compared to what some people endure. We arrived home exhausted, sober, excited to see our kids, but most of all: grateful.

The next afternoon I was telling my friend about some of the events that the Lord had graciously brought us through, and I said..."It's like we're learning to live on "daily bread" from the Lord. My comments used to be that the Lord is getting us through - week by week - but now I realize how dependent we are upon Him, each and every day." She instantly responded: "Well, there is the title for the journal that you've been writing and telling me about!"

"Living on Daily Bread" initially started out as a journal of the ways God provided for us monitarily. But it has emerged into so much more. More importantly in the years to follow, I learned that I couldn't survive a day without God's written and living Word. He literally has "spoken" to me - with words of comfort, reproof, correction and encouragement - and these words have given me the strength to go on.

I'm excited about compiling this journal of mine! May it someday serve to encourage yet another weary soul to press on with God, and forever remain as a written testimony and praise to my precious Lord.

The Top Ten Things about being Poor...

After my last post - I started seeing the humor in some of all this, so...here for your consideration are the top ten things (I've found) about being poor:
In random order:
1. You can mess with the bill collectors on the phone.
(Not too much of course, but alittle. They technically are not supposed to hang up on you, so you can keep them on the line by asking them some crazy questions: "So - if you were to have a yard sale - would you use bright green or orange poster board to advertise?")

2. No one looks at you to pick up the tab if you occasionally eat out.

3. When you pull into the church parking lot and your old van is smoking, no one even notices it any more.

4. You have the opportunity to respond to ridiculous questions like:
"Have you thought of having a yard sale to clear your debt?" I kid you not - one of my friends in a situation similar to ours was asked that question.

5. When a stranger says she had a HUGE disaster that day (her dog put muddy paw prints on her kitchen floor)...you can smile ever so emphatically and say - Wow - I know what you mean.

6. You get to open lots of extra mail, as the bills pour in....and then the shut off notices, the threatened court cases, etc. You never knew you were so popular!!!

7. Forget getting the jitters about going to the Dentist! You don't have the money - so you don't go! It's simplier that way.

8. On a similar note: no worries about health issues! You don't have the money to go to the doctor - so kind of...ignorance is bliss!

9. Since the grocery budget has been slashed - you can finally indulge in all that "cheap" food that you secretly love.....pasta, ramen noodles, and more pasta. (When you gain 30 lbs. - you have a really good excuse.)

10. This one is serious:
You get to know God in a very personal way! He provides you with comfort customized just for YOU as He displays His miracles to you in every day circumstances. He lovingly sends friends to you, provides for your daily needs (not always wants), and NEVER leaves or forsakes you. This is THE best part of being poor! And for this one - I will always be grateful.

Monday and Reminders

Contrary to most people, I love Monday's. For the past nine months, I have worked primarily Fridays and Saturdays (and one Sunday a month...) so to me, Monday is like my Friday. Tuesday through Thursday is busy with house upkeep, home schooling, Co-Op, errands, etc. and then it's back to work on Friday morning by 7 a.m.

It's just such a nice day. Especially if its alittle rainy, I feel justified in keeping my lounge pants and slippers on. I like to take it easy in the morning - drink an extra cup of coffee, do some reading, catch up on my mail, etc.

A few months ago, I had the bright idea that I would sleep in on Monday. Bad idea. I had no more turned over to go back to sleep, than the phone rang. Was it a friend? An emergency? No, it was the never ending barage of a bill collector. Once awake from the ring, I couldn't go back to sleep again. As I came downstairs and sat on the couch, trying to awake my mind to get going for the day, I realized how much my heart hurt.

An occasional phone call from a bill collector is a common occurance for most people...you know...you misplaced the bill, forgot to mail it, etc. But for our family, that common occurance turned completely around a few months after 9/11.

It's a long story, but the Readers Digest version is this: Before this time, we had impeccable credit. We worked long and hard to build our home, completely out of debt. We made alot of sacrifices, learned to be patient and waited for our dream to unfold. We even lived for a total of almost 4 years in a little house on Dan's parents property - with no indoor plumbing, running water or conventional heat! Many people helped us in a variety of ways - because Dan had to deal with being legally blind as of 1984. He has an amazingly resilient spirit! He learned to deal with it, and keep working. But it was so worth the wait. We finished our home slowly as we had the money available.

Since we had great credit, we loaned a business money - with our home as collateral. Little did we know what a huge lack of judgement this was on our part. The business subsequently declared bankrupcy a few years later, and we were written off for thousands of dollars in court. That was bad enough - but there were interpersonal relationships involved, and life was all of a sudden constantly strained.

The dream had unraveled - but God was there in the midst of it all.

Almost instantly, we began having upwards of 40-50 phone calls a day - mostly from bill collectors. I kid you not. I even have witnesses. One time my Dad came down for a visit, and as we were sitting at the table trying to visit - we heard the phone ring almost constantly. We were evening receiving phone calls late into the evenings, and sometimes early on Sunday mornings. It was relentless. There were days I was in tears, frustrated beyond words, as I tried to keep our home life together, keep my part time work up, keep home schooling, keep the meals on the table. Because Dan was often at work, away from the phone - it became almost a breaking point for me. Often he would return their calls after he arrived home, doing the best he could to give every bill collector alittle piece of the financial pie coming in. One of the best gifts he ever bought me was an answering machine, with caller ID - so I could gain some assemlance of order in our day again. This was, I was still available if there was an emergency with one of our parents, or the kids - and we could still receive messages from friends and family. But now we were able to return the phone calls when we were more prepared - with the specific bill folder in front of me - ready to make some type of offer or consideration.



Few people truly understand the stress that is put upon a marriage when financial disaster hits. It's so easy for tempers to flare and blame to fly everywhere. But I want to offer one word of encouragement to those that find themselves in a situation such as ours - persevere! I of all people, understand what it is like to go from being an upstanding good citizen, paying your bills on time, to the scum of the earth - often overnight.

Last time I looked, the year is now 2008, which means that we've been dealing with this financial pressure for about 7 years now. Even this week, I had two interesting things happen. Monday morning - again!!! I had a sales person call wanting to renew our subscription to a publication. When I told him that money was tight, plus the fact that my husband was legally blind, and often unable to keep up with the publications anyway - he resonded: "Well, can't you read it to him?" Read it to him? Is he nuts? I had to laugh as I wished him a great day. Just two paragraphs ago, the U.P.S. truck stopped, and I was handed a large "URGENT" envelope. Another creditor - needing to hear from us - now! now! now!!!

I have no idea if anyone will ever read this blog. I write, just to write. To clear my head. To journal, to hopefully, some day - compile these testimonies as an offering to my Lord. He has been so real to me in the midst of all this! But if you're reading this, amazed that someone else out there - perhaps someone you've never met somehow can understand what you're going through, then I say please, hang in there friend. I still have no idea how this is all going to pan out for our family. We could still lose our home. We may never recover from this loss. But in the meantime, I take a great deal of comfort in the Apostle Paul's words:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfot we ourselves have received from God." II Cor. 1:3-5

This passage has become my life's purpose! So please receive the comfort that can only come from God. He, thankfully, doesn't try to reach you by phone on early Sunday mornings. He is always there, only a prayer away...and His Word is living and powerful, and can meet you exactly where you are today.